Wanting to not feel alone

[Katndog]

Basically the title sums it up. I’m in such disbelief what I go through every day (most days) with chronic suicidality and I can’t fathom that other people in the world out there are going through the same thing. are they? It feels so lonely that I find myself calling Lifeline just to tell somebody, because you can only really tell your friends sometimes. It’s not much of a conversation when every day you speak to them and you don’t want to be here. I’m wondering how others cope with the loneliness? It is truly one of the most painful things I’ve ever experienced in my life. I think because of not being able to speak openly about it with friends and family or in the public. It’s like I’m holding a secret in my head and it same time I’m trying to make good choices every day to keep myself here. At least if you’re illness is visible people know that you’re trying and suffering. There’s no way for people to know how much energy I put in to making good choices, to keeping alive, just staying safe.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Katndog,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us here. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for support, you also never know who will read this post and feel less alone in their own experiences. Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling so lonely and you dont want to be here. We understand that this must be so overwhelming and exhausting for you. Please know that you never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.

If you would like to talk to someone we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

[geoff]

Hello Katndog, thanks for coming to the forums.

I think this illness does make us feel lonely, but at times that's exactly what people want, not to be asked questions by family and/or friends that we have no idea of the answers or how to respond, and each time we're asked a different answer.

It is possible we hold secrets to ourselves, not all the time but it depends on who we are speaking with and when they do ask us a question, it could be far from the truth.

Even if people know that we are suffering, it may be visible or it could be hidden but do they actually know all the problems that are concerning us because these can change on a daily basis and unexpectedly.

Sometimes when we talk with our friends/family they don't want to see us again because they're unsure of what they should be saying.

Hope you can come back and continue this.

Geoff.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Katndog

Im really sorry to hear that this is how you’re feeling. In answer to your question, yes, other people do feel the way you do. I hear you in feeling like you can’t keep talking to people about it either. People don’t understand, often, and get tired of hearing about it. I think that’s why many of us regularly come here to the forums as it’s a safe space with likeminded people where we can talk about how we feel. You’re very welcome here.

May I ask if you have any support in your life with your mental health? I’m gathering you have a dog? They’re an amazing source of comfort. My dog never tires of listening to my troubles. Sending you my kind thoughts today. Hope to hear more from you, Katy

[Katndog]

I’m new to this platform so I don’t really know how to use the setup. I just press the reply button but seems to just reply to one person. I wanted to say thanks to everyone though for their responses.

My dog actually died just about three weeks ago. She was the love of my life and always supportive, but never listens to my problems haha she would always just go to sleep instead, I didn’t care, her comfort was so wonderful. She Lived a long life to an old age

sometimes like right now I know I don’t seriously want to die but everything is so painful. Constant pain whenever I’m awake. I just can’t imagine that this keeping on going for a lot of my life. It has been a lot of my life. Not The entirety of it.

I have great supports I’m really lucky. But you know sometimes just nothing will make it better. Nothing fills the spot or takes the pain away.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Katndog, 

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming . We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 

[golden82]

Welcome kat.

I hear you. I get what u mean about helplines too. I do really hope u stick around here on the forums.. u are doing it right lol. Even if u don't feel up to posting just being a member and reading gives a sense of less alone.

So sorry to hear of your dog. I love them too and have lost pets too. There is a grief section here and ppl write about their pets. I hope you find some connection here 🙂

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Awww I’m sorry to hear about your dog. I’m glad she was there for you though. They’re such a blessing.

It’s great that you make use of the helplines. Do you find it brings the pain level down so it’s more manageable? It’s horrible having thoughts and nowhere to put them. Sometimes I journal, and I’ve recently started at a peer support group too.

You know, I feel like you do a lot too. But I also know it doesn’t always feel this way, and I never used to feel this way at all. So it won’t always feel this way. I hang on to that when I can. Katy

[Megzt84]

Hi Kat,

Firstly I just wanted to say I’m so sorry to hear about your dog. That would definitely not help how you’re feeling. Pets have a way of helping us feel better and support us without having to say anything.

I’m sorry that you’re having a constant battle. Unfortunately this is reality for some people and you should be really proud of yourself for how far you have come, and with how hard you’re trying.

I am hoping that you will get some benefit from this forum. Another option could be for you to speak to your doctor as they might be able to suggest a professional. I know it’s not easy being completely vulnerable to friends and family but this could be another option. At least you might feel more comfortable opening up to them.

Take care of yourself

[geoff]

Hello Katndog, when a pet that we have passes away, nobody can feel that pain like the person who had fed it, played with it, and had it as a companion, it's so hard to try and relay how you actually feel to another person because when they say he/she had a good life, doesn't compensate for our loss.

I'm sorry.

Geoff.