Want it to just STOP!!!!
I wouldn't normally reach out like this but I live everyday with constant chronic pain and other ongoing health issues and I can't show anyone because you can't see chronic pain, Yes you can see it when I walk but I try not to show people. It's there when I try and sleep, it's then when I wake it never goes away. I want it to stop.
I don't have any family support, I have family members but they are always busy, never have time for me, I have pretty much one friend but that is getting a bit harder as their life is always full of family and I'm not sure where I fit in anymore or anywhere.
I suffer with depression and anxiety from childhood and trauma in my life and just had a huge upheaval by moving house after 15 years and its being a huge adjustment, I struggle to trust anyone so I hide away the fear grips me so I don't do anything, it scares me to feel so fearful all the time, i always feel so alone and lonely, my thoughts go to and currently are in a dark place and I'm not sure how to get out of this spiral.
Any advice would be a help at this point when I think about if I ended it all the pain would go away everything would stop and I don't think I would be missed.
How can I survive this spiral?
I don't want to burden people with my problems, so I keep people at arms length, I don't let anyone get close to me because its too higher a risk of being hurt again and I;m not sure I can cope with that again, there is only so much one can take
We would like to thank you for finding the strength and courage to post in our forums about your concerns around wanting to end it all. We want you to know that knowing you don't want to be feeling this way means you have excellent strength to help you come out from the spiral. And, our wonderfully supportive community can help.
We understand how difficult it can be to live with constant chronic pain. Have you spoken with your GP about seeing a pain management specialist? You can also talk to your doctor about setting up a mental health plan so you can meet with a mental health specialist who may help you with everything from learning pain management techniques, to developing techniques for building more of a social and friend support network, and possibly even helping you find some appropriate support groups.
Whenever things feel like they are becoming overwhelming, we would like to encourage you to call one of the support services:
Lifeline 13 11 14
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467
beyondblue Support Service 1300 22 4636
Kids Helpline (for ages between 5 and 25) 1800 551 800
again, thank you so much for contacting us here on the forums, and welcome to the community.
Like you I suffer from long-term chronic pain. And you are right, it can't be seen. I also have BiPolar and PTSD. Just a quick note about me, probably like you my pain is permanent, and that is really hard to explain to people who believe that a quick trip to the doctor or even surgery will take the pain away when it cannot. It's very hard to get anyone to understand what pain every day feels like. I understand what you are going through there.
I have moments where I don't want to go through this anymore. I know you don't want to burden anyone with your problems and you may hate to hear this, but are you seeing anyone in psychology or psychiatry? I go to both, I am on a pension and I am bulk-billed for my psychiatrist and am on a mental health plan for psychology. Both have helped me a lot, but the mental health system is still not ideal. I go for anything that is offered to me (courses from the Black Dog Institute etc) just to learn about what I am dealing with. I still have my spirals but the education does help me. I am only suggesting that you grab anything with both hands, it has worked for me. Psychology particularly helps it's good to learn tools that can help you when you are having a spiral or intrusive thoughts.
I've also started volunteering. You meet a lot of people and it's not like work, if you are in pain, you just go home. That has helped me also.
You are worth anyone's concern. You never know who may miss you. I hope I have helped a little. I know what it is like to move! Moving is awful! You certainly have a lot on your plate and I sincerely hope that it gets better soon.
I'm sorry you are feeling this way.
I understand that chronic pain is hard to deal with.
Are you currently seeing a health professional for what you are currently going through?
You really can learn to stop the spiral of intrusive thoughts with the correct help, the trick is that we don't stop the thoughts we allow them to be there but we learn not to give them our full attention.
I understand how it feels to be fearful but this also can be managed and you can learn to let fear go.
Hang in there