Hi Star**
Like Geoff, I warmly welcome you and wish to express how glad I am that you're still with us.
You are definitely blessed to have such a beautiful little anchor/angel in your life. Having someone who anchors us to life is so important when we're in the very depths of depression. When it seems we've entirely forgotten our value in this world, when we've lost sight of our true sense of self through the cruel perspective of depression, there is nothing quite like our child or children to help us remember a little of who we are...for a start, someone who is incredibly valuable.As a mum, my kids have taught me a lot.
My heart truly goes out to you as you face the overwhelming challenges that can come with depression. There is nothing that compares to the type of despair found in the depths of depression. From my own experience with depression (15 or so years which are now behind me), I can relate to how cruel depression can become. I'm wondering if you can relate: Just when you feel you have reached the bottom, the absolute depths, you find the next episode of feeling down tells you 'That wasn't the bottom, this is'. One of the reasons I mention this relates to you having always told your husband when you're at risk. Do you feel this management plan no longer works, based on your most recent experience? Do you feel you need a new plan now? Is your new plan to come here and chat with people who can really relate to how seriously tough depression can get? Perhaps, finding people who can relate and/or provide constructive resources will become positively mind altering in some ways. Maybe your new management plan can involve more than one thing. For example, the next time you find yourself in a state of true despair you may first look at your daughter for her to remind you of your value and then come here to have that reinforced and to try and make better sense of things. Even if you simply come here to vent at times, release the deep pain and tension.
Do you feel you need more intensive help these days, like with a professional in the field of mental health or do you feel coming here might be a good start in making some difference? Do you find there's anything in particular triggering you to feel down these days? Could be a number of things perhaps, even some you may not realise as being a factor.
Star**, feel free to return anytime. Even if you're not feeling completely down, still pop in if that's what you're feeling the need to do. Trust that feeling.
