Tired of fighting this battle.

[Beaser]

I hope im ok to post as ive posted so often on other  forums  but im feeling very desperate lately. 

Im just so tired of fighting. I left a job i was in for many years last year. I have since had some part time work that didnt work out.  Im lonely and going broke.  I was desperate and called triple o last week only to be left to my own devices again. I may be going into a facility called parc a non acute inpatient service but that thought scares me. I dont know how much more i can endure. I hope every one is well and thank you for reading      Brett

[Beaser]

Things are pretty tough. Im visiting my older brother today  who is in a very bad way health wise. I think it will be the last time i see him im so sad to say. I dont know how best to handle this.      Brett

[Beaser]

Im feeling very lost i dont know where to turn. 

I am so scared of where im headed in this life. I know that people like me can end up homeless and that scares me. 

There also seems to be so much bad news in this world and that is upsetting me .

Ive always tried to be there for others and have lived my life trying to do the right thing.

I just need to vent this   out today i guess its like needing to talk to someone.

Best wishes to everyone     Brett

[Beaser]

Nearly the end of another tough year.  Its been a real roller coaster ride.  

Im finding this time of year pretty hard. So many well meaning invites but struggling with the thought of attending things. I even feel guilty about not being able to get to some things. Having to say no because ive already committed elsewhere. I was wondering what other peoples experiences of this tis time of year was.      Best wishes to all      Brett.

[smallwolf]

hello Brett. Time can go by quickly and slowly at the same time. You wonder where the time has gone, and at the same time that when something gets us down, time seems to stop. And I guess that we can hope for a better next year?

Do you mind if I ask how you will be spending Christmas?

[Beaser]

Hi and thank you  Smallwolf.

This year i have been invited to a friends place ,just me the two of them  . 

I am very grateful as its very nice of them to invite me. . Its just the build up with all the things going on and attending alone that is getting stressful for me. 

Best wishes Brett,

[smallwolf]

Well... It's good to hear you got an invite, but I get that the build-up can be overwhelming.

Maybe you might explain what that (the buildup) looks like?

I am sure they invited you because they value having you there? Take your time, and when you're ready, it'll be a great time with friends. Hope you don't mind if  I send you positive vibes!

[Beaser]

Been a tough Christmas , New Years period. I think  i just feel extra lonely at this time.   Found myself drinking a bit more than usual i guess maybe a few can relate to that. 

I sometimes even feel guilty for how i feel with my depression and anxiety . Sometimes im not sure if people are genuine when thay ask how i am i wonder does anyone ever feel the same.       Wishing everyone a safe and happy year ahead     Brett.

[smallwolf]

that question ... "how are you?"

is it a question of politeness, or genuine curiosity? And the polite answer is "I'm well/fine/etc." These same people might not feel like that exactly but ...

My answer these days is "i'm alive". I might also answer "depends on what answer you want". That sometimes stops people in their tracks.  Hope you have  better year.

I am curious though about you feeling guilty about how you feel? Care to tell me? 

[Beaser]

Hi and thanks S Wolf.

I guess i just dont want to burden people with how i actually feel and that at times can feel like guilt. 

I had some positives today  , mowed a neighbors lawn for them , it was good to do something for someone else. 

You make some   good points about how to reply to people. Thank You.       Brett.

[nwhumphrey]

Dear Brett,

I know nothing much I can say can make a drastic impact. All I know is what you are going through isn't easy. I want you to know I am praying for you. I pray that great things find you and even if they don't I just pray that you'll be better than ok. You deserve that at least. - Natalie