Thoughts on Voices?

[ChildHeart]

I am wondering what everybody’s thoughts are on what is more and less common in regards to voices in the head? I am going to word this as sensitively as I can but I do apologise if I offend anybody as that is not my intent.  

I have them still only sometimes, but I used to have them frequently. My voices are myself but speaking to me I guess like a bad friend or the devil on the shoulder. I’m posting this here because they would mostly occur when I was having su*cidal thoughts. An example being “stop being a coward. You know this is what you want”…etc. Would you say this is more or less common? I’m trying to determine if these “voices” so-to-speak are a cause for concern? 

When I think about what I would consider voices that would be concerning on a mental health level I think of hearing voices that sound unfamiliar as in, not like me? Whilst I do think I have experienced voices that say things I might not normally say to myself, I still hear them

in my voice as an internal thought and not sounding like something external.

[ChildHeart]

Hi therising! Glad I could remind you about the binaural beats! 😄 I do enjoy them and focus on the ones with a specific frequencies sometimes, too! 

well.. my issue right now is money. I feel like even if I joined a free group, if I started to make some friends I worry that I won’t have the money to do things and hang out with them (which I don’t atm only have enough for rent and food). But back in my work days, I did do a taiko drumming workshop and it was so much fun but I wasn’t actually looking for friends then as I had a nice circle of friends at the time who funnily enough I met from making friends with a guy who I met during a bar course we were taking.

I certainly could use a circle of people (though I’d settle for just one) who understands me or somebody that can offer me some more enlightenment I guess. I usually can connect with people who like the same music and all that but it’s hard to find people that I can share my experiences with and actually talk “life” you know? I would love to have some support in a physical form as well as in somebody that would actually show up if I were in need. When my parents died I felt like everybody just distanced themselves and I didn’t get the emotional support I needed but never got it physically either. Sometimes I just wanted physical touch (i.e a hug). The friends I did have I hadn’t been in contact with much during my mother and fathers illness and dying days but I assumed that they would understand. When my parents passed away I got in contact with them and most didn’t even say I’m sorry for your loss. So I knew I had lost my “friends” who I feel upon taking some time to think about it, probably weren’t the friends I thought I had seeing as I believe true friends would try to be understanding and not just ignore me when I came to apologise for my absence (which I did but later realised I shouldn’t have felt the need to do, I mean, I lost my parents!) 

I hear you on the negative with the circles but I’m glad you are able to see a positive side, too. It’s really nice to hear about how you all were so reserved but then by the end of it felt so comfortable around each other. 💗

[therising]

Hi ChildHeart

As I say to my kids 'Money is nothing more than a provider of opportunity', the more you have the more opportunities you have access to. Whether it's the opportunity to have a hot shower based on the gas and water bills being paid or the opportunity to have a place to come home to with the rent or mortgage being paid, money is a provider of opportunity. So, when there's limited money, the opportunities become somewhat limited too. Taking this year off work, due to a number of increasing demands in life that need my attention, the opportunity to join the kinds of circles I'd like to are limited, so I can understand where you're coming from. My 'wonder budget' is reduced too of course. I can't afford to wonder about a number of the things that may make some positive difference. Free or low fee opportunities (to wonder about) is the call of the day. Definitely a test at times.

I feel for you so deeply, with you having gone through such incredibly stressful and emotional times with your parents, including their passing. I think it's such times where you get to observe the best in human nature as well as the questionable side of human nature. How many people step up and how many don't step up can determine how we mentally, physically and soulfully manage the greater challenges in life. How nice would it be for a friend to say 'I see how much you're going through. Once a week or once a fortnight I'm going to take you out for a break from what may come to stress and depress you over time. You can always rely on me to give you a break'. Instead of them waiting for us to take a break, it would be nice to be gifted one. I find it interesting when it comes to how many people can sit back and wait for us to not be so busy or stressed or depressed before they feel it's the right time to reconnect. Fair weather friends who wait for the storm to pass or the downpour to stop in our life are questionable friends. I much prefer ones who hold an umbrella.

[therising]

Hi ChildHeart

I thought about how much I should really get back on topic when it comes to that deeply challenging internal dialogue that can become so incredibly testing at times. You're such a fascinating person to chat with when it comes to a variety of things.

Was speaking to someone just the other day who mentioned how, no matter how hard they try, there are moments where they just can't fully break the habit of listening to that kind of dialogue. They even mentioned how at times they can hear themself speaking it out loud. Btw, they live on their own. They mentioned it sounding something like 'You're so stupid. You're hopeless. What's the point in you even trying. You may as well give up'. I think in some ways part of it can be a habit which means pinpointing where it started. 

I also think about how it can kind of be like putting some kind of depressing puzzle together at times. Of course, it's a puzzle partly based on perception. For example, if it's our perception that our value is based on our friends visiting us once a week and they start visiting only once a month, that perception can then dictate we're losing our value. Of course, it's not true. We remain valuable in many ways. While a 4 piece puzzle can start to look like 1) our friends only seeing us on occasion, perhaps based on their lives becoming busier 2) not being able to locate different forms of hope based on certain forms not being obvious to us, 3) our kids becoming more independent based on their age and developing abilities and 4) based on our vantage point or disadvantage point, we can't clearly see the way forward. The second the 'you' factor comes in and twists perfectly valid reasons, it can sound like '1)You're worthless, 2) you're hopeless, 3) you're useless and 4) there is nothing for you to look forward to'. It's brutal.

As I say, I have no idea where the 'you' or 'you're' factor comes from but what I do know is it's vital (when I hear it) to become conscious of it in constructive ways. Yes, far far easier said than done. Perhaps one mantra could be 'Anything designed to serve me or raise me would never sound this depressing'.