Pain in my head

[HelloGail]

My past is catching up with me: every morning when I wake the muscles in my head and to my neck are tensely tight and a mild tremor. I spoke to a doctor 5 years ago when it first started but she looked back at me as if she was 'dumb founded' she didn't have any answers nor questioned. I do have a very low threshold to pain. I nearly lost my baby i labour and nearly died myself when the long intense 14 hour labour became intolerable, both of my legs from hip downwards started shaking uncontrollably, my baby developed tachycardia and they rushed me to theatre as baby wasn't coming out. She was a large baby and had swallowed feaces, she was covered in it, brought on by her developing tachycardia. She is 25 years of age now but I wonder if this tremor in my head is a symptom of what is going to happen, a full on body tremor. It only happens when I am waking up from sleep. I do have neuropathy in my legs, numbness, spasms etc I exercise most mornings, 50 minute walk and I always feel great afterwards but I am scared of my body being in physical pain in the future. I am just delaying the inevitable. In 2020 the pain in my thigh was horrendous not even the strongest drugs helped and finally physio after 2 months in bed finally helped lift the pain from thigh, it was so bad I could not walk far. I still have numbness in my left thigh. I am seeing a new doctor this week and hopefully find what's causing the tense knot in my skull and the tremor and frequent spasms in my neck and throat. Weird. I wish most times to never wake up, I wish I had the courage to end this pain but I seem to just go on suffering. I am alone, my daughter lives interstate and is moving overseas in June for 3 years. I have no close family and no friends. My social housing property say to stop gardening as a tenant is trying to stop me. I can't join landcare like they want me to do but other tenants have complimented me it's just this one person causing me grief that I just wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. 

[Eagle Ray]

Dear HelloGail

You have been through a lot and I can understand how the ongoing physical symptoms are worrying. That would have been such a stressful birth experience too.

A few things came to mind reading your post. I’ve had some unexplained tremors too and have gone on my own search for answers as I’ve only ever had responses from doctors similar to what you described.

In 2002 I developed uncontrollable shuddering at night. At the beginning of the shuddering I’d have extreme head and neck tension too which would sometimes alleviate, sometimes not. It would often persist for at least 20-30 minutes before settling. I still get this, always when resting, but don’t have the same head and neck tension now.

In my research I’ve been learning how the nervous system often activates a shaking response as part of trauma recovery. But sometimes this process gets stuck in a loop. It’s like the sympathetic nervous system (fight-or-flight) tries to activate the body out of a freeze response in order to reach a point of safety and letting go (parasympathetic rest-and-digest state). But this process can get trapped and not quite complete.

Some of the trauma recovery work looking at this include David Berceli’s Trauma Releasing Exercises (TRE) and Peter Levine’s Somatic Experiencing (SE). 

I don’t have the space to elaborate much here, but I’m wondering if there is a trauma loop in your nervous system that perhaps set in motion with the difficult birth, but it kind of hasn’t fully resolved?

I’m now working with a psych who practices SE and I’ve solved several issues in my body relating to past trauma, some I had no idea were still affecting me till recently. E.g. I can now breathe fairly normally but before my lungs and throat felt increasingly frozen and I was getting breathless from almost no exertion. That’s gone now.

It’s good you’re seeing the doctor who may do scans/tests. I’m sorry you’re dealing with the difficult tenant. That just adds to the load you’re carrying. Take care and sending you hope, support and kindness.

[HelloGail]

Hi Eagle Ray😊 I have breathing difficulties too, it is definitely for me an underlying anxiety problem and I shall look into SE & TRE. It is a comfort to know we are not alone but sorry to see you experience  shuddering at rest. A doctor told me once  it is a phenomenon when I was hearing whispers in my ear only when I was falling asleep. Thank god it stopped after a year of it. I thought it was spirits as I had moved opposite a cemetery so I moved again but it still continued but not long later it stopped. I plan in 2023 to have more massages. I believe it will train me to relax. Your question re trauma from difficult birth if it has resolved. A good Question. My husband at the time wouldn't allow me the follow-up with the Obstetrician after the Caesarean and instead he drove me to our GP for the follow-up, it was cheaper! So no, the shaking was never resolved. It did stop after the birth and never returned but 5 years ago only in my sleep the tremor soon wakes me I am still asleep and get feel it but sometimes I just get out of bed to stop it. My parents knew, ninth child that I was different, very anxious child even with my older siblings and visitors to our home, I'd run and hide outside in the back garden. If that was my daughter I would have had her seen by a doctor. Well it is a part of me and relationships were never long due to anxiety and being too sensitive. Yes that word, I was told it all my life and I dislike that word. Thank you Eagle Ray, much appreciated. 

[Eagle Ray]

Hi again Hello Gail

I really relate to the sensitive thing. I recently read a book called Sensitive is the New Strong by Anita Moorjani. She sees it as a strength, not a weakness, and how to move it in the direction of a strength in a world that doesn’t often value sensitivity.

Another book I’ve read is In an Unspoken Voice by Peter Levine. Near the beginning he describes an early client he worked with who was 24 at the time. She had lots of anxiety and somatic symptoms in her body. She’d had a medical procedure aged 4 that was traumatising and it was still being carried in her body. It came up in a therapy session with Peter and her legs started to tremble and move for a long time. Eventually this subsided but it was literally the escape process her body had wanted to do 20 years earlier but couldn’t as she was held down for the procedure. After this session as a 24 year old she had an amazing recovery from her anxiety and somatic symptoms. I just thought that may be of interest given your experience.

It seems like you really didn’t get adequate support after the birth which could have really helped. That seems to happen a lot, even with birth trauma today. I’m thinking of friends of mine who’ve given birth recently. There really needs to be so much more attention given to how it affects both mother and baby.

 I hope 2023 can be a good, relaxing year for you. Take good care and sending you best wishes 🤗

[HelloGail]

Thanks Eagle Ray🤗

[HelloGail]

Hello Eagle Ray

Since my last communication with you, 11 Feb; I found an answer on YouTube. A female neurologist in America by the title "I care for your brain" has an article on "Internal Tremors". Her video explained internal tremors and what she said were exactly everything I experience when waking from sleep. I have been to three general practitioners in the last four years and none could explain it. But the video explained that with stress that we have gathered through our day or extreme stress or trauma which I did experience from 1996-2016 can surface in our sleep and the internal tremor is just releasing this stress and that is why it only occurs whilst asleep or upon waking. Usually it wakes me if it is really strong and at times when waking from sleep. I had an MRI in 2020 and they only found a small aneurysm at the base of my brain. There are no tumours or cysts. I recommend anyone looking up "I care for your brain" on YouTube. I hope this may help someone as it did me.