Six o'clock in the morning. It's my only refuge.
I get out of bed after getting around three to four hours sleep every night.
I sit on the couch, alone, in my pjs, knees up to my chest, with a coffee and listen to the silence of the world before it wakes up.
It's the only time i feel like i fit in anywhere. The only time my thoughts are quiet. Relative peace.
I watch the clock slowly move through the first hour. Each minute my thoughts getting louder.
Then the world starts to intrude. It gets noisy and busy.
Work intrudes soon too. At least there's a break from monotony but it's also a stark reminder of people who aren't alone. It makes feel like i don't belong.
Away from the first hours silence and in the world all my thoughts return to why be here. There's no point. I cry driving the car to work. I cry at work. I cry driving home from work.
Then i sit on the couch watching time until it's time to pointlessly try to sleep.
Waiting for six o'clock in the morning.
