Tell us your thoughts - What's kept or keeping you here?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi everyone,

This is not an easy thread to make but I'm doing it because I think it's important.

I can see that you're all hurting and I know because I'm hurting too. Right now I'm in an easier place but it wasn't that long ago where I wasn't. Often we can find lots of reasons why we don't want to be here, and very few reasons that we do. So I'm making this post to bring everyone together to either find reasons to stay or show me why you've stayed. I don't care whether they are small or big reasons. They are reasons.

Please feel free to post below because I want to hear yours, and I want this to be a thread where people who come here can grab onto a reason too.

The reasons why I chose to stay -

- My dogs.

- Planning to die was very complicated.

- I wanted to hold on just in case things got a little bit better.

and now, I'm glad that I stayed. Please know that while suicide will end the pain, it will end your life too - so you'll say goodbye to any opportunities that things might get better. Opportunities for laughter, joy and beautiful memories. Sometimes it's about staying with the pain and finding other ways to let go of it without saying goodbye to our life.

[Emo]

Hi Sleepy21,

I'm so grateful for your comments about this thread because I myself find this thread to be a lifesaver. The ability to reveal my inner most darkest thoughts without judgement is very much needed. I'm unable to share my struggles with anyone else so if I didn't have this thread my dark thoughts would continue to eat away at me.

My struggle to find a reason to live is currently a daily battle but I'm hoping to come out the other side with some hope for a better life. I was hoping that you might have some advice on how to cope with these dark thoughts.

I ask you this question because I can see how smart you are and the words of wisdom that you possess which gratefully you are very willing to share with others on these threads. I wanted to thank you for this.

I hope things are going well in your life. I wish you nothing but the best.

Regards,

Emo.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Emo,

I was really grateful for your words, I felt like I was a out to cry, it is very sweet and kind of you to write that.

The thoughts are hard, but I feel like there are some days easier than others. Do you feel it gets easier or stays same?

[Black Bubblegum]

Honestly, the only thing keeping me here is I don't want my Mum, Dad and sister to have to deal with my demise.

I am so lonely that it's actually physically hurting, I've tried mindfulness, I've tried meditation, I've tried. But things I love don't work anymore, I love music for example but most of the time I turn it off after a few minutes.

I'm not going to do anything self harm wise, but I don't really want to wake up tomorrow anymore either.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Black_Bubblegum,
 
Thank you for letting us know you are safe and are not planning on acting on your thoughts.
 
It sounds like you are still in a very dark place at the moment.
 
Is there anyone you trust that you have been able to speak about your feelings?
 
If you are ever feeling overwhelmed we would recommend contacting our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
 
Sometimes just telling someone how we feel in moments like these can release some of the pain in our hearts.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Emo,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming . We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we're worried about you. 
We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. Continue to stay in touch with Safe Steps and 1800 RESPECT
 

[Sophie_M]

Dear Emo,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming . We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we're worried about you. 
We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. Continue to stay in touch with Safe Steps and 1800 RESPECT

[Guest_1643]

hi Emo,

How are u you? i admire your openess and gratitude here, you seem so carinng and open. That's a huge accomplishment. I think that unfortunately some ppl ... maybe not from fault of their own, closed to hearing othrs perspectives....and it can keep them stuck...

i struggle with SI daily. It's meshed in with my traumatic past experiences, and a sens that I am to blame. I think about this daily.

But I do find I am learning some techniques to cope, and to be honest, I'm as surprised as anyone else that I do sometims feel better. I have moments where I feel like I can move forward and move on.

I find art therapy and exposure therapy really helpful, and I think trust is the most important thing for me - to trust others. It was broken before, my trust, and as I repair it, I slowly, slowly feel bettr. sending you support and care.

[No one on earth]

What does si and sh stand for?

[No one on earth]

Sorry to hear that you are not feeling well black bubblegum. I know how you are feeling right now. I hope that whatever is making you feel miserable (feeling so alone) will start changing for you soon. Something will come and change and alter your life and it will be so different you wont be feeling this way anymore. I find things always seem to happen that way. Then you will look back and think that or those people saved me. I found my place I found where my heart can breath free. Free from suffering free from being held back. Being in love where it belongs. Being in a place of love where you can be yourself, in joy, in total openness, in creativity. Where it fits. Hoping you find this soon. As you deserve it. I have been on this journey, keep searching and allowing new experiences and people into your life. I didn't want to go on too but I would never do it to my family and friends, even though I was in the deepest sadness. But I ended up thinking if I was willing to throw it all away then I am past the point of care or bravery or whatever so my expectations on myself or on life is really zero that I choose to not care about stuff that's making me unhappy anymore, what else is there to really being upset about if your almost going to end it all and let go of everything. Maybe that's why saying goodbye is so appealing wether its walking away from a situation, moving or changing careers. Its a death of what once was. Life is supposed to be a series of changes sometimes situations can make us feel like this is all there is. But life really is a series of transitions and changes just sometimes we get stuck. Trauma and negative experiences stop us from being able to flow to move on to be able to express and process what our experiences are in a healthy way. So does stagnation or not being able to have a connection where you are engaging life experiences that match with your awareness, intelligence and capabilities. You are so much more than this situation.

[Guest_4593]

This sight. Nothing say i need a bit of support thay say .. get some sleep