Tell us your thoughts - What's kept or keeping you here?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi everyone,

This is not an easy thread to make but I'm doing it because I think it's important.

I can see that you're all hurting and I know because I'm hurting too. Right now I'm in an easier place but it wasn't that long ago where I wasn't. Often we can find lots of reasons why we don't want to be here, and very few reasons that we do. So I'm making this post to bring everyone together to either find reasons to stay or show me why you've stayed. I don't care whether they are small or big reasons. They are reasons.

Please feel free to post below because I want to hear yours, and I want this to be a thread where people who come here can grab onto a reason too.

The reasons why I chose to stay -

- My dogs.

- Planning to die was very complicated.

- I wanted to hold on just in case things got a little bit better.

and now, I'm glad that I stayed. Please know that while suicide will end the pain, it will end your life too - so you'll say goodbye to any opportunities that things might get better. Opportunities for laughter, joy and beautiful memories. Sometimes it's about staying with the pain and finding other ways to let go of it without saying goodbye to our life.

[Doolhof]

Hi Rusty,

Hope you manage to keep the Drs appointment on Friday. I tend to run out as I feel very vulnerable and out of control. Do you have someone who can take you to the Drs and sit with you as you wait?

If it is recommended you go to hospital, will you stay there until you are booked in? I know the wait can take a while and seem like it is never ending. Hospitals can be busy, the people there do care, hopefully you will be able to find a way to wait and hold on until you receive help.

Will you call someone if you need help? You don't need to be in this place alone. You could try Beyond Blue, Life Line the Suicide Call Back service. Or all three!

Thanks for posting here Rusty!

Cheers from Dools

[White_Rose]

Dear Rusty

I can see from your posts how much you hurt. It does seem this dreadfulness will never go away but that's not true. You can become well again. I know it seems a long road to travel which is also unfortunately true. You are right in saying you must work on this but you are not alone.

We are here to support you as much as possible. I know it doesn't seem much because we cannot be physically with you. You do have a friend nearby who can be with you. I do not know what medical support you have. Can you tell me? Sorry if this information is elsewhere.

When I read about your stay in hospital it reminded me of my experience. No, it's not nice. It brought home the enormity of what I had tried to do. Rusty we all care for you very much. Stay with us. Find distractions when the thoughts whisper to you. I know you do not feel like doing anything but making one small step can have a huge effect on your MI. I am asking you to do one thing today. What did you enjoy before this depression? Can you make one effort to return to one activity even if it is only for a short time.

Just one small step. My daughter used to say to me, "Baby steps mom, baby steps". And I did feel like a baby taking it's first staggering steps. Like a baby I fell down a few times. It was always hard to get up again and there were many times I refused to try. I do understand and so do the people who post here. You feel you have lost your trust in people but do not include us. We are here and we are trustworthy even though we cannot respond immediately.

I hope your doctor's visit is helpful. Is this your GP or a specialist? Meanwhile write here. Use the forum as your journal if you wish or keep a journal of your own.

Mary

[Guest_8790]

I n reply to fools
today slept all day so good shame I woke up. dreamt of my mum and dad who are deceased. wish was with.mum. not g ping to hospital it's a waste of time. Dr appointment tomorrow will go. rest I don't know. I am alone with two cats. I don't fit into this world.
I don't know what to do now

rusty

[Guest_8790]

thank you white rose

I will be ok. will see gp who is ok. guess stay on meds and keep going. no more hospital visits. I will drift back into anonymity.

rusty

[Doolhof]

Hi rusty,

I really do hope you are able to make it to the Doctors. If the doctor does suggest hospital, please consider it. Waiting to be admitted can seem difficult, sometimes we need the help of other people so we can just rest a while and give our brains a break.

Have you managed to contact the support people from Beyond Blue? Just talking to someone can help.

As White Rose has mentioned it can take baby steps and one action at a time to change things around. There is hope rusty, it can be hard to see it when we are in a dark place.

Thinking of you, from Dools

[Guest_8790]

in reply to doolhof


I am at doctors now. I hate hospital. won't go back there.

I will talk to doctor first as need centrelink medical certificate for my job provider.

not sure what to do next

rusty

[Doolhof]

Hi Rusty,

Hope you do find something to do next that is helpful.

I've been struggling with my thoughts recently and quite often feeling like tossing it all in and wonder why I bother. I realise it is my brain telling me life is hard. It doesn't have to be so rotten.

Hope you can make a difference in your life and hope the Dr was able to help you!

Cheers from Dools

[Saree_p]

I do not know anymore. I've searched through here for answers too. but there are none.

why did i survive an attempt last night? I didn't want to, so what keeps me here?

[smallwolf]

Saree,

You said that you have searched here for answers... Can you tell what the questions were you had? Or what sort of answer were to looking for?

I am sorry you’ve been feeling so awful. And while this is a virtual space, and constrained by the way such a place works, I still want to help you. Tell us what we can do to support you at this time, in this space.

Tim

[Doolhof]

Hi All,

Things that are keeping me here when part of my sick mind tells me it would be easier to leave:

- despite the stories my mind tells me otherwise, people do love and care for me

- there is always someone to listen at the end of a support line like Beyond Blue or Life Line

- there is hope, I just can't always see it

- if I give the Drs a chance they will be able to help me

- if I have a look around me, I have a lot to be thankful for

- the past is the past, I can't change it, I can learn to accept it and live for today

- I can acknowledge the hurt and the pain and find a way to move forward

- even if I reduce my depression for a moment, that is an achievement

- I do not know what tomorrow will bring

- if I don't look for the good in life I will not see it

So what is keeping me here, the realisation that life can be more than just my depression and suicidal thoughts!

Wishing you all an opportunity to see what is possible!

Cheers from Dools