Struggling to get help

[Doolhof]

I know this is a place where we are supposed to encourage and support each other, to offer suggestions of where help may be received and to try to be positive in our experiences of reaching out for mental health guidance and care.

Unfortunately that has not been my experience for a long time living in the country.

My GP kept telling me he would make an appointment with me to do a mental health care plan. That took about 6 months. At an appointment I basically told him I needed help, could he please do the plan that day and not make me wait another 4 weeks for a next appointment.

The psychologist he recommended sent me an email stating with the information the Dr had written in the referral she was unable to assist me. She had not even met me!

Wait another 4 weeks for another Drs appointment.  A new psychologist was recommended, I had to drive to the city for this one. Had to wait a couple of months for an appointment. My appointment was to be on Thursday this week. Received an email from the psychologist stating "due to changes in his circumstances he is no longer able to offer me sessions".

I go to the local hospital and am told "the Doctors are too busy seeing more important patients to be able to see you".  The Nurse/Sister actually stated that to me over and over.

Looks like me and my sick mind are just going to have to keep trying to support myself until it doesn't work any longer.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Dools,

I’m glad the psychologist got in touch and you were able to have an appointment with her. It sounds like maybe she is doing EMDR with you. I haven’t done it before but I’ve read that it has a good evidence base behind it. I hope you can get some benefit. I think it works quite subliminally to shift the way memories and experiences are stored and processed.

I’m so sorry to hear about your cat. I hope you got a chance today to find a quiet place to be with your thoughts and feelings and process or rest or whatever you needed. Take care.

[Doolhof]

Hi Eagle Ray, 

Yes, the psychologist is trying EMDR I just couldn't remember what it was called. She did explain the process, it is all a bit different. I'm not used to connecting to my inner child, seeing all the pain and anguish that was present way back then.

The psychologist told me I needed to show the inner child that as an adult I have the strength to overcome the hurt of the past and to reach out to that child to offer them love, care and support. If I don't have that within myself how do I find it!

I did go to a place I thought might be calming, I found it to hauntingly depressing instead even though I tried hard to look for any beauty around me. Maybe it was worse because the sun disappeared behind clouds. There were no bird calls at all. It was eerie and I felt uncomfortable there. I sat trying to enjoy the trickling creek, I had to move on and left that place.

[Doolhof]

Hi Again Eagle Ray,

Thanks for your thoughts regarding our cat. The dear thing was unwell and her health deteriorated rapidly. My husband took her to the vet while I was at work and sent me a text to tell me she had been put to sleep. I was able to collect her the next day and bury her at home.

This morning I will go on a more familiar walk. The track may be wet and full of soggy clay, it will be familiar and a more comforting place to walk even if I have to scrape centimetres of clay off my shoes and pants when I get home!

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Dools,

I understand what you mean about the inner child. I’m going through my own process of learning to care for my inner child which has been quite challenging when I didn’t have any models of healthy care growing up. But what has gradually helped over time has been experiencing and taking in the care of my psychologist who has been a compassionate presence, as well as anyone else in my life who is kind and compassionate. I have a tendency to run away even from kindness, like I find it really hard to trust that I’m safe. But easing my way into learning to take in goodness from others is helping. As I do this I begin to be able to see my inner child and care for her. I still fall in plenty of holes and get stuck again, but then learn to practise gentleness and kindness towards myself rather than give myself a hard time. I think this gentleness and kindness is the self-parenting.

I relate to what you say about finding the place you went to hauntingly depressing. I have had that feeling too in particular places. Sometimes I feel it’s my inner world/state, sometimes the place itself and sometimes both. I think it makes sense to move on if it doesn’t feel right. I have certain places that always hold me and feel safe and I can go to them even if not feeling good and I will feel ok there and helped by being there. In fact, with regard to self-parenting, I would say the places in nature I most connect with hold me safely like a safe parent/carer. I think my own self-parenting journey started with that.

 I hope you are enjoying your walk this morning in familiar surroundings. It’s great to have go-to places that feel comfortable. Take good care and sending you kindness.

[therising]

Hi Dools

So sorry to hear about your cat. Can definitely be a sorrowful experience, losing a little friend of the family.

I'm glad you received that gift of a last minute appointment. When things go our way, among nothing seemingly going our way, it can feel like a gift of sorts in some way. Sounds like an interesting therapy that may hold some potential. I hope it gives you exactly what you need, a path that holds a lot of light with a lot of constructive revelations along the way ❤️

[Doolhof]

Hi therising,

Thanks for the kind words regarding the cat. My husband and I have quite a loveless marriage so guess we both invested in loving the cat, now she is gone there is a huge void. 

I'm going to try to make the most of the information and strategy the psychologist used. I'll research EMDR further. I recall now a previous psychologist had tried this but in the end my issues seemed to expansive for her and she said it was too much for her to deal with. 

I'm going to research the inner child more too as sometimes that just confuses me. I'm not sure if we have a thread here on the forum about the inner child, might see if I can investigate that as well.

Wishing you all the best the rising. Cheerio.

[Doolhof]

Hi Eagle Ray and greetings to all reading,

I'm going to further research the strategies/ideas/thoughts that were brought up in the session withthe psychologist.

She led me in a visualisation to find a safe place. Even in that "safe place" in my mind I started to look around in a fearful manner and felt like I needed to flee within the visualisation. To feel even remotely safe in that journey I needed to visualise a secure dome over my safe place.

Guess there is a lot of work still to be done!

Regarding where I went walking. I wandered through a paddock along a sign posted trail to a small gorge. I had thought the water would be calming. It was all very foreboding. Once I left the gully and climbed back up to the paddocks, the green grass, sheep and occasional gum tree I was okay again. 

Today I am going to make some time to write down my thoughts and see what is revealed. 

Wishing you well Eagle Ray. Cheerio.

[quirkywords]

Dools 

I used write  to write letters to my inner when I faced emotions that start as a child, feel I didn’t belong  , feeling  I was a diasappointment feeling , feeling I would. Ever be good enough etc.

I find writing to my inner child helped as As I uncovered hidden feelings and patterns of behaviour, 

Also finding my inner child helps be be creative and solve problems by using my creativity and bring spontaneous like a child. 
not sure that helps just some thoughts.

[Doolhof]

Hi quirky,

Thanks for your thoughts here and for expressing your own experience. It has helped me further understand how engaging with the inner child and recognising childhood events may be able to help me work out who I am now and why.

As a child I never felt like I belonged, I ran away a lot, spent as much time out of the house as I could, never felt I could talk to anyone, was confused, withdrew and later became really angry. My inner child exists in a dark and scary place. Healing needs to happen!

I definitely need to research this some more! 

Thinking of you quirky, regards from Dools

[quirkywords]

Dools

I think there is the inner child in a dark place thst needs healing as you write bout but also I think when people say get in contact with your inner child that may mean that part of you that is creative and spontaneous thst is willing to try new things. Yes it is something I have thought about and want to know more about.m

Thanking you for getting me thinking and hoping this process helps you.