Struggling to get help

[Doolhof]

I know this is a place where we are supposed to encourage and support each other, to offer suggestions of where help may be received and to try to be positive in our experiences of reaching out for mental health guidance and care.

Unfortunately that has not been my experience for a long time living in the country.

My GP kept telling me he would make an appointment with me to do a mental health care plan. That took about 6 months. At an appointment I basically told him I needed help, could he please do the plan that day and not make me wait another 4 weeks for a next appointment.

The psychologist he recommended sent me an email stating with the information the Dr had written in the referral she was unable to assist me. She had not even met me!

Wait another 4 weeks for another Drs appointment.  A new psychologist was recommended, I had to drive to the city for this one. Had to wait a couple of months for an appointment. My appointment was to be on Thursday this week. Received an email from the psychologist stating "due to changes in his circumstances he is no longer able to offer me sessions".

I go to the local hospital and am told "the Doctors are too busy seeing more important patients to be able to see you".  The Nurse/Sister actually stated that to me over and over.

Looks like me and my sick mind are just going to have to keep trying to support myself until it doesn't work any longer.

[quirkywords]

Missy1997

This is a supportive thread, we care and you are not alone.

Beyond Blue helps to  promote information  about mental health. Have a look at the website and other threads. 
There is support and  people who care . 
Thanks for reaching out. 

Quirky

[Doolhof]

Just expressing thoughts here

A week ago I sent the psychologist an email expressing what I need assistance with and asking if she can actually help me with those things as so far that has not been the case. I asked if she could explain her approach so far and where to from here. No response received.

I had a meeting at work a week ago. The manager stated he would send me an email the next day regarding his insight to all that was discussed. No email received. 

My husband seems to question a lot of things I do which I feel undermines my integrity and self worth.

I need to look past these things, not take them on as being my fault.

I'm allowing my work place to stress me out, wasting time thinking about work issues when I am not there. I have looked for other work but have not been able to secure anything.

A sense of insecurity and not being good enough plagues me at times.  Maybe I need to concentrate on Gratitude once more and focus on a daily plan incorporating self-care and uplifting activities.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Dools,

It can be frustrating when you don’t get a response when you’ve been advised you will be.

 I don’t know if this helps, but I’ve gradually learned to not take such things as personal and learn to measure my own worth by how I know I am going with things, rather than by how others may or may not be seeing me. So I kind of own and take control of the narrative I have of myself. I usually find things work out better when I do this, so I am less sensitive to what others do and more focussing on what I can do.

 I haven’t always been able to do that. For a long time I was highly sensitive to what others said and did. I would frequently think I’d done something wrong (childhood conditioning). But I’m coming more into a state now where I just take responsibility for what I can do while letting go of that which I can’t control anyway (what other people do).

The more I do this I find things work out better and there is less stress. I still get fears come up at times that I’ve done something wrong or not well enough, but I catch myself out quicker and remind myself I’m doing fine and everything is ok. Then I have less worry too and things seem to flow better.

 I think it gradually comes in time but I understand being sensitive to things. This morning I was getting ready for my road trip. In times past I would worry about remembering everything so much that I’d be totally stressed before I even got out the door, when it was meant to be a holiday. This morning I was calm, focused and organised and if I noticed myself starting to fret about anything I just let it go. I found I was ready ahead of time instead of being late (as often used to happen) because I hadn’t used up time and energy worrying. Basically I let go of the internal voice in my head that’s hard on myself and thinks I’m not doing things right.

 I know that’s a bit different to the situations you’re talking about and I really understand wanting some feedback and interaction from the psychologist and feedback from work. But see if you can come back into yourself in a peaceful way and not be too concerned about what others do. You could set a time by which you’d like a response and then follow up again if that helps. I hope you hear back from them soon, but try not to worry about it in the meantime and focus on what you can do for you. I hope you can enjoy some self-care and uplifting activities.

[Doolhof]

Hi Eagle Ray,

Thanks as usual for your explanation and examples of how you manage to assist yourself with different ways of thinking.

There are times when I am able to do as you have written, other times it does not work so well. Having BPD tendencies does not always help in regards to positive ways of communicating and how I see other people in relation to myself. 

It can be so easy for me to misinterpret what other people's actions and words really mean. I do need to let my worries and stress go and to consider other perceptions to what goes on around me.

I'm so pleased you were able to head off on your trip in a calm and collected way instead of feeling stressed and possibly agitated. It makes a huge difference doesn't it. Enjoy your adventures! 

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Dools,

Yes, I think BPD is so hard in ways that only those living with it can fully understand. I think my Mum possibly had it. She did process interpersonal interactions intensely. I also went travelling with a friend who has it but I didn’t know about it at the time. I would say something that was intended as positive and friendly but she would interpret it very differently. Once I learned about BPD it began to make sense.

The nearest thing I have are the strong fear reactions with complex PTSD. I will fear others are going to harm me. This keeps me in a place where I spend a lot of time on my own in order to feel safe. I don’t have quite the same dynamics as BPD though. So apart from the fear issue, I’m not likely to misinterpret someone’s intent. Usually once I’ve interacted enough with someone to know they’re safe my nervous system de-escalates.

But I think what both conditions have is an automated stress response. I think working relationally with a psychologist or counsellor can help to calm that response, but it involves a lot of trust, especially where there’s a lot of fears going on. It would be so great if you could have that trust develop with a psychologist who really understands BPD and how to work gently with how your system reacts to interpersonal things.

 I feel like you have so much insight Dools and you can see what is happening for you. But it’s just knowing how to calm those responses. I think if you can start to feel safe in relationship with someone else, such as a therapist, and that relationship is consistent over time, that that may be a way to recovery.

I had to search to find the right psych for me, but once I did she has been really attuned to me and I’ve made much greater progress than I ever had previously. She has been consistently there for me and I know I can trust her. This in turn has created a sense of safety for me.

 I really hope you can find someone who helps you in a similar way, who creates a safe holding space for you to work through challenging emotions and thoughts. It sounds like your current psych is at least a nice person but maybe not giving you what you’re looking for. She’s probably trying to establish a safe relationship with you, but I know that can potentially feel a bit stressful in itself, almost like a potential threat for someone with BPD. I remember my Mum saying she wouldn’t see a psych because she didn’t like people probing into her emotions. At the same time she really wanted a solution to her intense emotions. It’s like a Catch-22 situation.

I think you are amazing Dools with the courage you show continuing to try working through things. I wish for you the best possible support to help get you through.

[Doolhof]

Hi Eagle Ray,

Thanks again for your sharing, insight and comments.

I just Googled Borderline Personality Disorder to remind myself of the symptoms to better understand some of my reactions, actions, behaviours and ways of thinking in relation to this condition.

Some symptoms listed like abandonment issues, rejection, unstable relationships, believing people are cruel, rapid changes in self-identity, poor self-image, self-loathing, stress related paranoia, self harm, mood swings, intense sense of emptiness, intense emotions, intense fear of instability, dissociative symptoms etc!

It is no wonder I am struggling with issues at work and with life in general with all of that going on in my mind plus depression and C PTSD stuff. I cope to a certain extent but it is tiring and draining.

Yes, assistance to understand and accept my mental health condition would be beneficial. I am really struggling with the thought of looking for alternative assistance. I have tried and tried and don't feel like the people I have attempted to connect with are able to help.

The Dr stated I needed help with DBT CBT and acceptance therapy. None of that has been addressed in 6 appointments. I can't afford to have multiple appointments to build up a connection. I have run out of my 6 mental health care plan assisted appointments. The gap I had to pay was still quite substantial. 

I received an email from the General Manager at work which basically states my role has now changed due to our organisation no longer requiring strict Covid checks and protocols. Basically I have less to do in general. The email stated if alternative work could not be found, then my position is no longer justifiable. 

The organisation has taken work I was doing previously (not covid related) away from me recently. I am sure I could help many of the different departments with work if I was given the opportunity. All of this is doing my head in. My way of looking at things is not helpful I know. It all just gets so muddled.

Oh dear. Here is another day to unravel and wander through.  

[quirkywords]

Dools

wow you have so many challenges and now your manager us it masking it hard fir you.

I can see any organisation would benefit from your eagerness ,your life experience and your willingness to work hard and be flexible. 
I hope today is ok.

Again thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[Doolhof]

Hi All,

This morning I pushed myself out the door to attend a volunteer position. I packed a simple picnic lunch, threw my walking shoes in the car and a jacket in case the weather changed and decided I was going to make the most out of my day!

Looking at the symptoms for BPD again actually helped me to realise that a lot of my actions and reactions are based on that condition yet I don't have to allow it to define whom I am. It is a little like knowing that missing ingredients are not going to allow you to make a certain meal, but using what you do have and adapting the recipe will help you end up with something. 

I might not be able to have a peaceful day due to overwhelming emotions and thoughts, but I can tone those issues down a little and make the most of my day as I have tried to do today.

I had a picnic lunch, a walk and even managed some weeding when I arrived home. 

At the library I found a book on mental health aimed at young teenagers. I skimmed through it and liked some of the ideas so have borrowed that. I will make notes as I read the book.

Wishing everyone a day where there are glimmers of hope and positivity!

[Doolhof]

Hi quirky,

Thanks for your comments here. I do not know if my General Manager has any idea about the extent of my mental health issues. My immediate co-workers know a little about my depression.

At the meeting last October, the HR guy accused me of having Black and White thinking issues according to one of my co-workers. I almost blurted out " Of course I do, it is part of my Borderline Personality Disorder!" I didn't think that would have been very helpful though.

The organisation talks about the need to care for mental health, I have not seen it in action though. My supervisor participated in Mental Health awareness training, knew I had depression and was a horrible bully!

Time will tell what happens at work quirky! Each pay week is a bonus!

Thinking of you too, regards from Dools

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Dools,

I’m so sorry you are not getting the help you need. The limit on mental health care plan visits makes it so hard financially. I feel there should still be more as there were during the height of Covid. It’s just not sufficient and leaves many people unable to get the help they need.

 I wonder if you at least might get some help via somewhere like the Blue Knot Foundation? They will give you up to 45 minutes of counselling a week. I recently called them and the person I spoke with was very helpful. They specialise in C-PTSD so you would qualify based on your diagnosis. Their aim during the call is to get you to a place of safety and stabilisation which is what the person I spoke to did with me.

As for your job, I hope you are kept employed. But if not, know that there is Centrelink support if you need it. If you do end up in that position, see if you can get with a disability employment provider instead of one of the regular ones. Your GP may be able to support you in that regard if necessary. They are more flexible and accommodating to your needs in terms of the challenges you have. I am with one and it has given me more flexibility and less pressure in building up my work capacity through things like volunteer work and recognition of the efforts I’m doing myself to get well. Hopefully you keep your job but just thinking of those things just in case.

Also, in looking at descriptions of BPD on the internet, try not to let that overwhelm you as they are obviously pathology-oriented in terms of describing symptoms. It can sometimes make you feel worse. It’s good to recognise what you are struggling with but also really important to be kind to yourself. Some practitioners are now moving away from calling it a personality disorder and instead calling it a form of trauma attachment disorder. I agree as it can leave someone feeling there’s something wrong with their personality, when in fact their brain is processing things differently, often as a result of past trauma.

Take care,

ER