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So lost
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21-02-2021
12:12 AM
I honestly do not know what to do. My wife refuses to get help for childhood sexual abuse and for other issues throughout her childhood. We have been together for a decade now. And she was fine until the 3rd trimester of her first pregnancy. She suddenly devoloped pains during intercourse yet nothing was found. As the years have gone on her mental health has slowly declined and anything to do with males doing or saying the wrong thing to her she would get extremely worse and her medical problems both sexually and other unknown cause problems have become more regular and worse. We no longer have any form of sexual relationship and has been like this for roughly 7 8 months. The sexual side I am not worried about. Since all these problems began she has become more and more emotionally detached, no affection, no communication, i try to approach her and explain how this is now affecting me mentally, i just get shut down and blamed for anything or everything or if I stand my ground She believes everyone hate her. She isolates in her room at home will still get up to make a meal for kids but anything they do wrong she just gets angry and starts slamming things and goes back to hiding in the room. Kids get kids are just being snapped at for anything. I say something and then she is doing same to me. I have asked her to get help she refuses as doctors never find anything and talking does not help as councillors have said its in her head. My mental health has been getting worse as a result. Being treated like I am hated yet she is happy when around others makes me feel hated it pkays on my head questioning if she is faithful. I am heart broken knowing she is a victim and am being left to feel like a failure as a husband lover and friend. Anytime she is upset I ask and reassure I am here for her all I get is " Im fine". I now feel non existant in my marriage. To make this all better everything else is going wrong. My father died 3 days after xmas, my son came to me anout being sexually assaulted by kids his age, our financial position is screwed as talking about her money just triggers her also our cars broke down mine having to be sold for scrap as repairs were byond our means my wifes car same day dad passed. All in last 3 months. I can not take this anymore. I am holding together barely for my kids if not for them I would have ended my life.
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21-02-2021
12:38 AM
Hey Animosque,
We are so sorry to hear what you've been going through, and can hear that the past 3 months in particular have been incredibly painful time for you. It sounds like you have so much on your plate, and we can only imagine how difficult it must have been to lose your father during this time, and we can hear that you are trying your best to be strong for you kids. But please know that you don't have to keep these feelings bottled up inside, and there's always someone to talk to, and somewhere to turn to during this overhwlming times like these. You've shown a lot of strength in reaching out here this evening, and please know that our kind community are here for you. We really hope that being part of this community can bring you some comfort and help you to feel a little less alone. We are also currently reaching out to you via email to check in and offer some extra support.
Please always know that our Beyond Blue Support Service are here to talk these feelings through with you 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or through Webchat (1pm-12am AEST) on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport
In addition to this, the kind and understanding counsellors at Lifeline and Suicide Call Back Service are available anytime, day or night during overwhleming moments:
We are so sorry to hear what you've been going through, and can hear that the past 3 months in particular have been incredibly painful time for you. It sounds like you have so much on your plate, and we can only imagine how difficult it must have been to lose your father during this time, and we can hear that you are trying your best to be strong for you kids. But please know that you don't have to keep these feelings bottled up inside, and there's always someone to talk to, and somewhere to turn to during this overhwlming times like these. You've shown a lot of strength in reaching out here this evening, and please know that our kind community are here for you. We really hope that being part of this community can bring you some comfort and help you to feel a little less alone. We are also currently reaching out to you via email to check in and offer some extra support.
Please always know that our Beyond Blue Support Service are here to talk these feelings through with you 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or through Webchat (1pm-12am AEST) on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport
In addition to this, the kind and understanding counsellors at Lifeline and Suicide Call Back Service are available anytime, day or night during overwhleming moments:
- Lifeline - 13 11 14 ( online chat available 7pm-12am at https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat)
- Suicide Call Back Service - 1300 659 467 (online chat available 24/7 at https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/phone-and-online-counselling/)
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23-02-2021
09:21 AM
Hi Animosque,
Sorry that you are having such a hard time right now. Please don't feel that you are a failure in any way. Your wife detaching herself is probably how she copes with what happened to her. I use that coping mechanism myself and didn't see how it was affecting those around me.
It sounds like you are doing all that you can do to be supportive. I'm sorry for the effect it is having on you and the children, it would be a very difficult situation for them as they wouldn't understand wy their mother is acting the way she is.
It might be worth looking into support groups for people who have been abused in childhood. Perhaps talking to others who understand may help your wife. the thing is, it can be hard to talk to our loved ones about things that happened to us, because as much as they empathise, as much as they want to understand, they don't really understand how it was and how it affects us. Maybe having someone or a group of people who really understand her situation may be helpful to your wife.
I will keep your family in my prayers.
Sorry that you are having such a hard time right now. Please don't feel that you are a failure in any way. Your wife detaching herself is probably how she copes with what happened to her. I use that coping mechanism myself and didn't see how it was affecting those around me.
It sounds like you are doing all that you can do to be supportive. I'm sorry for the effect it is having on you and the children, it would be a very difficult situation for them as they wouldn't understand wy their mother is acting the way she is.
It might be worth looking into support groups for people who have been abused in childhood. Perhaps talking to others who understand may help your wife. the thing is, it can be hard to talk to our loved ones about things that happened to us, because as much as they empathise, as much as they want to understand, they don't really understand how it was and how it affects us. Maybe having someone or a group of people who really understand her situation may be helpful to your wife.
I will keep your family in my prayers.
