Scrambled

[Catie 08]

Hi. I am a survivor of childhood sexual assult and suffer with PTSD. I have been working really hard on my journey to wellness (seeing a psychologist, mindfulness, lots of self care etc) but some days I can't even think in a straight line, my head just feels scrambled. During my therapy I have become the master of avoidance and I over organise and plan for sessions before I go so that i take the safe way out and avoid the exposure therapy I should be doing. I don't even mean to do it but the instinct to protect myself is so strong. I'm a couple of days out from my next appointment so I'm thinking that's why I'm feeling so muddled but I feel that it's getting in the way of me making more progress during these sessions. Any suggestions on how to help in this situation??

[Richie01]

Are you sure about it being your choice not to have pay TV? Or are you defending Tasmania because it still doesnt have access to it lol.

Almost another trip around the sun!! Hasnt this year been one to remember to forget!!! I guess sometimes we forget to put things into the full perspective that they deserve. What you have been through on a personal level this year has been huge let alone everything else going on around the world. You may think you have not coped as well as you want to but i think you have been stronger and achieved more than most people could in your position. We focus on the negatives, thats us but i just want to remind you how positive this years has also been for you. It might not feel like it but you have built the foundations for everything good that is to come. The beginning is always hard, it was always going to be but your almost through that. Believe in yourself C, your an amazing woman and have a strength that you dont even see yet. You will soon but until then ill keep reminding you.

A walk will be great for you, give you a chance to get outdoors and change things up. Im the same with birthdays, i leave the room if people want to sing the birthday song. Keep it small and very low key, thats me with every occasion. Its part of the reason i never asked Sehra to marry me, the thought of my wedding made me freak out, i could never explain it so i never did. I dont do attention too well at all....

Hope you have a good day C.

Take care.

Rich

[Richie01]

Happy Birthday C,

I hope you have a good day and that your family spoils you rotten. You have earned a day just for you!!! Funny how quickly a year comes around isnt it. Take the time to be proud of what you have achieved this year, its nothing short of amazing. I wont bore you any more, enjoy your day.

Happy birthday again C.

Rich

[Catie 08]

Thanks for the birthday wishes, and for the low blow about Tasmanian Netflix access. It did make me laugh but I'm too sick today to come back with anything clever. Gastro, what a great way to spend my birthday 🤒

[Catie 08]

Starting to improve thank goodness but I'm still off work today (I'm sure they have just about forgotten I even work there with all the time I've taken off)

I hope you have both had a good weekend?

C.

[Richie01]

Hey, glad your feeling a bit better. I’m guessing the walk was postponed then. Might have been a bit awkward lol. I get a weekend this week. Feeling surprisingly ok about going home... think that’s the first time I’ve called it that all year. Maybe I’m getting better? Maybe it hasn’t processed yet too. Work won’t forget about you C. You have to take care of you.
my god this year has gone quick. I’m racking my brain for what to get the kids!! Suggestions are completely welcome.
hope your feeling better, I’ll know your on the mend when you pay me out for being a Queenslander 😅 I look forward to hearing what you’ve got lol.

[Catie 08]

Omg The Rubans dropped a new song - masterpiece 🥰🎶🎧 pefectly moody - day made!

[Anzee]

I think we’re taking the lows in turns haha. I had an apt with my psych last night and usually she is very mindful of how I’m feeling towards my partners behaviour and will talk about it accordingly, but after my apt with relationships Victoria last week ended with the counceller telling me they will not be doing couples work with us because he is emotionally abusive and he has a history of violence. I was so shocked and upset I stupidly emailed my psych afterwards telling her what they had said so last night involved her referring to his abuse a lot and questioning if I really want to be in my relationship if he doesn’t change his ways because so far he hasn’t shown any interest in that, it was really hard to listen to and I feel really alone and stuck and then she told me she’s taking a month off from next week which I knew Xmas was coming up but I hadn’t actually planned what support I was going to use when I don’t have her to talk to so I’m kind of freaking and feeling really anxious now.

so glad you’re feeling better 💓

[Catie 08]

Hi Anzee,

I'm sorry to hear that today is your turn, it certainly sounds like your have a lot on your plate at the moment ..... It does make it tricky when the professionals take a break. I don't know about you but i kind of feel that I'm holding my breath the whole time hoping that i can keep it together until they return.
Saying that.... don't forget we are always here (no break for us lol) so if you need to vent or just someone to listen you can always give us a try? I know it's not the same but if it helps to keep your head above water we are here 😉. Of course there are the other support numbers if you need something a little more xx

I was feeling quiet good this morning but about an hour into work and the anxiety started to creep back in, its crazy! I'm not even worried about the actual work I just can't put my finger on what is triggering it 😖. I managed to stick out the whole day but I can't keep torturing myself like this, I need to find the trigger

[Anzee]

Thanks catie 💓

I’ve never relied on professionals to talk to before so it’s a whole new ball game to me and it’s so confronting and scary but luckily as the day progressed I slowly started to feel more at ease and I’m feeling more confident (for now lol)

that’s so amazing that you stayed the whole day, well done you!! You should be really proud, it’s hard staying in a workplace when you are not feeling comfortable and anxious. How much does not recognising triggers suck! It’s taken me months and I only recognise the obvious ones 😭

[Catie 08]

I was talking to a work friend this afternoon about struggling to concentrate at work. She knows about my past experiences... but suggested that I should just think of something else... 😳 geee I wish I'd have thought of that earlier 🤯.
Whilst I know she ment well, there is no wonder we don't talk to the people around us. Comments like that show that they have no idea about what we face each and every day.
Sometimes I wish people would listen to us just to hear us not to try and fix us.
That probably sounds a bit harsh but having to hear that from her was like a slap in the face. It's disappointing 😔