Scrambled

[Catie 08]

Hi. I am a survivor of childhood sexual assult and suffer with PTSD. I have been working really hard on my journey to wellness (seeing a psychologist, mindfulness, lots of self care etc) but some days I can't even think in a straight line, my head just feels scrambled. During my therapy I have become the master of avoidance and I over organise and plan for sessions before I go so that i take the safe way out and avoid the exposure therapy I should be doing. I don't even mean to do it but the instinct to protect myself is so strong. I'm a couple of days out from my next appointment so I'm thinking that's why I'm feeling so muddled but I feel that it's getting in the way of me making more progress during these sessions. Any suggestions on how to help in this situation??

[Catie 08]

Today I worked for 1.5 hours.

The anxiety was so bad I felt like I wanted to be sick and I just couldn't focus. I sent my boss a message and shut down my computer before she could respond.

It's so overwhelming, so exhausting, I feel like I don't have the energy for it any more.

I sent my psych a message - I'm not exactly sure why or what I expect from it but oh well, what's done is done.

I just wish I could turn it off!!!!!!!!!

[Richie01]

Hey C,

We have those days.... I wish there was something i could say to make it easier but i will say it will pass. It has before and it will again. I could almost feel where you are at by reading your last few posts. Some days are just crap and there is nothing we can do to change that. How many good days are in between tho 🙂 Focus on those ones C, youll be there soon. Its bloody hard, i know that, I do the same thing, Ill turn my phone off, avoid opening any messages, dread any response to what i have said or sent. Im just on the up side of one of those times now and its a massive relief, i feel like ive been suffocating lately but am starting to breathe again. It gets better. The important thing right now is to stay in touch. I avoided that over the break and things almost got out of hand. I wont make that mistake again and ill be a right pain in your butt and check in as often as i can to make sure you dont do what i did. Im here for you as much as this place allows so know ill always understand and get back to you as soon as i can.

Do you have anything planned for the weekend? Ive been lazy as with the gym.... oh well lol.

Have you been trying anything new in the kitchen? Ive just Brought BBQ#3 so i can roast on one do the steak and sausages on one and get the veges on the other, Ill be the webber king. Now all i need are some friends to cook for....😩 Hard when i work away all of the time and after the break up, ive realized that my friends were really her friends. Maybe im making excuses... I do like my own company and hey, Ill never get a bad review if the meats overdone 😂😂

I hope your feeling a bit better C, Take a bath and try to unwind. The ducks always find their way back 😊

Rich.

[Catie 08]

Thanks Richie,

Still a bit wobbly today but the sun is shining and it's not a work day so I think it will be a better day today.

Your not alone with getting off track with the gym....
I've been so exhausted, excercise is the last thing on my mind and that's just nuts because I know it would help....

3 BBQ's.... Are you starting a collection?? 🤣..... oh, I have an idea..... you could put a sign at the end of your driveway "FREE SAUSAGES", you'll get to use your BBQ's and you'll make some new friends in the process 😉

Going to spend some time in the garden today... little one has her bday tomorrow so we have a day of fun planned for her.

Have you ever seen 'james veitch terrible roommate' on YouTube? If not, it's totally worth a look. I can't help but to laugh every time I see it. I now know where my ducks have gone 🦆

C.

[Richie01]

Ha,

I dont mind that guy, Never seen that one before 🤣Imagine if someone actually took the time to do that!!!

Its amazing how quickly the birthdays come around, feels like my girls had their birthday yesterday but it was 10months ago! Im sure youll have a great day.

Wonder if id be allowed to put the onion on top of the sausages if they were free? maybe its only if your selling them. I cant believe that was headline news. How crazy is safety these days!!! I just ordered over 20k worth of heights gear to replace brand new items in packets because safety says they must be replaced every three years. Talk about crazy.

Hows the gardening treating you? 41 degrees here today, dont think id be gardening if i wasnt working lol.

Have a good afternoon C, take it easy.

Rich

[Catie 08]

Omg, I totally thought you were going to say you bought 20k sausages 🤣🤣🤣🤣... too funny!!!

That sure is crazy! Safety first I guess.

May have overdone the gardening a bit. My poor old back is giving me grief so having a rest.

41 degrees is ridiculous! It is seriously half that here - perfection ☀️

[Richie01]

They would want to be some damn fine sausages!!!!

this is where the freezing winters there dont seem so bad!!! Sucks about your back, Im lucky enough not to know what it feels like but ive seen it close hand and i feel for you. With any luck a a bath and a beer or two to help you stay afloat might help 😁

Almost knock off time... Its a great time of day but painful when you realuise you need another six hrs to finnish what you wanted to get done lol.

Chat soon,

Rich

[Anzee]

How is everyone today?

I had a really good session with my psych today, she told me she likes working with me because I told her I felt like the most annoying and messed up person she deals with, so it made me feel good for her to discard that thought I’ve had for months and not making me feel stupid for feeling that way. I’m sure I’ll be convinced she gets frustrated with me again by tomorrow but at least I know for now 😂😂

[Catie 08]

Hi Anzee, it's great to hear that you had a good session today 😊. It's wonderful when you can find someone you can just relax and be you with.

Still having a bit of a rough time so I've booked an appointment with my GP. I'm thinking it might be time to review my meds again.... I think they should just sedate me forever 🤷‍♀️

[Anzee]

Oh yeah forgot the last thing I posted here was that I wasn’t going to deal with the big stuff anymore that i was going to push it all away for Xmas... that didn’t work lol it lasted a couple of days before my last apt and only one day after 😂

[Anzee]

Hey catie, I asked my gp for medication a little while ago and she was very hesitant and gave me a script for a small amount, I didn’t bother getting them and was a bit annoyed but then I thought about it and one of my good friends relies heavily on her medication and can take it frequently so I think if we can get through without the sedatives we can get through anything ❤️