Scrambled

[Catie 08]

Hi. I am a survivor of childhood sexual assult and suffer with PTSD. I have been working really hard on my journey to wellness (seeing a psychologist, mindfulness, lots of self care etc) but some days I can't even think in a straight line, my head just feels scrambled. During my therapy I have become the master of avoidance and I over organise and plan for sessions before I go so that i take the safe way out and avoid the exposure therapy I should be doing. I don't even mean to do it but the instinct to protect myself is so strong. I'm a couple of days out from my next appointment so I'm thinking that's why I'm feeling so muddled but I feel that it's getting in the way of me making more progress during these sessions. Any suggestions on how to help in this situation??

[Catie 08]

Hi Richie, I hope all goes well at your appointment today.
You've got this.
C.

[Richie01]

Wow, that’s huge C. I’m so bloody proud of you. You deserve a treat day for sure. I won’t flood you with comments and thoughts, I’ll just say I am so happy for you 😊 I’m blown away that you were able to do that so soon, like I said, your so much stronger than you think.

[Catie 08]

Thanks Richie. I was feeling pretty good about it last night.... today I feel like a squashed bug. I don't think I anticipated how emotionally draining it was going to be. I'm still happy that I did it but I've been leaking (crying) all morning. I'm exhausted. I told my boss I would be late logging into work today but perhaps I owe myself a day of self care and compassion?

I hope your day goes well. I won't be too far away if you want to debrief after your appointment.
C.

[Richie01]

Hey, my appointment went ok. Gotta grow up and move past that.
I kind of had a feeling it would hit home today for you. I know the feeling when the initial relief wears off. How could a 30 year old secret not do that when finally it’s not a secret any more? It’s even exhausting thinking about the positive feelings because they are such a huge thing!! I’m so proud of you for what you have achieved. You do deserve a day to relax. Have you got anything planned this weekend? Think you need to spoil yourself. Is the doughnut van in town???

[Catie 08]

Hi Richie,

None of this is about growing up. Our fears and triggers are real and deserve to be respected. I'm proud of you for facing the dentist today - it's another positive step forward 😊.

There have been a lot of tears and loud music today. I got to lunch time and went back to bed, I was just exhausted. It's funny though, I feel weirdly calm about it all, like I know that I need to trust the process and if I do, things will work out ok in the end. I feel like I could sleep for a month so I'll definitely be giving it some time for the dust to settle before I talk to my brother. One day at a time (and yes, I might need to hunt down the donut van 🤗)

[Catie 08]

I'm sitting out on the point waiting for the sun to rise and hit the ocean in front of me. Such a pretty morning. Feeling a lot better today, it's amazing what some decent rest can do 😊

Do you get to see the kids this weekend?

[Richie01]

Morning C,

I can imagine that would be a pretty beautiful start to the day. It’s the small things we take for granted that mean so much sometimes isn’t it. I’m glad your feeling better today. You deserve to feel amazing after what you have achieved 😊

I’m picking the kids up in an hour or so. Has been pouring down all night here so I think it’ll be indoors activities only today. Bowling and shopping lol. Will be great to have the day together. What do you have planned? Soccer day??

[Catie 08]

This morning I seamed to have a different appreciation for my surroundings, the cold air on my cheeks, the beautiful colors in the sky, they way the waves moved, the birds overhead, the warmth of the sun when it appeared over the hill.. perfection 😊

Bowling and shopping sounds like a great plan, yep soccer this morning but the rest of the weekend should be nice and quiet for us.

Enjoy your little people 🤗

[Richie01]

Those days are great. Proper appreciation of everything. I don’t really talk about them when I have them but I know exactly what your describing 😊

little people have been great, sucks with the rain but it is what it is. Glad you have a nice relaxed weekend ahead, I’m sure it will be well appreciated.

[Catie 08]

Hi Richie,
I hope you appointment goes well today. I'll be here if you want to chat after 😊
C.