Safety plans work

[alasdayr]

Just a quick note.

Got to the last step of my safety plan on Sunday. Without it I am pretty sure I would not be writing this.

I am not out of the woods yet. It's still a day by day proposition. The extension in Melbourne restrictions is taking such a personal toll that I need all the support I can get.

Sunday, while actively contemplating my demise, I called a friend. She was also in a very bad way. Somehow, we managed to talk each other out of our states and promise to talk again the next day. Stay around for just one night. Was a rough night, but I had the call the next day I had to make.

Since then, I have let my wife know how close I have been. I had been trying to protect her, but was almost unable to protect myself. It has been hard for her, but she is part of the reason I am still here.

I have SH in the previous weeks. I had kept that from my wife as she is also struggling in these times.

I feel for those that do not have a close and supportive family. Especially those in Melbourne at the moment.

It is a daily struggle not to SH again. With help from family and friends I may succeed. Not being able to meet with friends is crushing.

Alasdayr

[alasdayr]

Summer Rose, Thank you for your response.

I try find joy in first person view racing drones. Now that restrictions in Melbourne look like being eased, I may be able to get out to fly for real instead of just racing in the simulator.

I also try walk every day. I walk in the neighboring forest. Mentally I get in a lot of trouble when I don't walk.

I have changed GP after the fiasco with my previous GP (unwilling to write a referral to private hospitals for admission after being requested to do so from both my psychologist and myself). My new GP understands more about mental health. I have a referral to a psychiatrist to work on medication, and see a psychologist every 2 weeks.

The big positive from the admission to private hospital was what I learned about how to ride out the waves of emotion that steer me toward SH ideation (SHI). It took almost a week for SI to abate, but SHI never fully left.

I am still safe. As I ride out waves of SHI the motto is "not today". If I can keep it to that then I am good.

Thanks for listening.

Alasdayr.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Alasdayr

Time spent with the racing drones sounds like it would be a lot of fun! Good on you, for learning how to fly them.

I like to walk for my mental health, too. I live across the road from the ocean, so you can guess my go to place. There really is something therapeutic about connecting with our natural world that is very important to our wellbeing and mental health.

I also like to sit outside alone and watch the stars at night. It use to be an escape but has morphed into kind of a reward for me after all the days' work is done. Incredibly peaceful and inspiring experience; if you haven't tried it, I highly recommend it.

Sounds like your new GP will be a big help and that you've got a good team in place to support you as you put your new strategies in place. I like the motto "not today". Simple, yet powerful. Because who knows what tomorrow will bring? Hopefully, for you, a chance to get out and fly and smile.

Kind thoughts to you