Reaching out and remaining anonymous

[Pandemica]

Hi, new to this forum.

Been struggling with some really really dark thoughts of late. I am a front-line worker in a hospital and the workload of late has been absolutely ridiculous. I, as we all are am feeling absolutely broken and burnt out. On top of this, I have been working through some really traumatic experiences with a therapist of late. It leaves me with this pervasive dark cloud over my head that follows me everywhere. My whole body feels heavy and most days I struggle to even get out of bed. I find myself crying in the car on the way to work, then crying on the way home again. I am having some really intrusive suicidal thoughts. Though I desperately wish I could just quietly slip out of this life one day. I stop myself because I feel so so guilty to hurt others around me and also my family.

I have considered ringing a helpline during some really dark times. Can you just ring them for a chat without the fear of any intervention on their part?

Thanks,

Pandemica

[Sophie_M]

Hi Pandemica,

Welcome to the forums, we are so glad to have you here. We appreciate the courage it might have taken to make your first post here tonight. We are very sorry to hear that you have been overwhelmed with your work recently and that it is taking a huge toll on your mental health and wellbeing. Having intrusive thoughts of suicide can be difficult to deal with, and we are glad to hear that you are looking for support, but understand that it can feel difficult to do so.

The Suicide Call Back Service is a wonderful resource and our friends at Lifeline also provide a wonderful service available 24/7, along with an anonymous chat option https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-chat/

Our friendly counsellors on our Support Service are also available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 if you would like to talk through issues or would like some support. You can view our details here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support  

Your wellbeing and safety are important, so we would recommend that if you are unable to keep yourself safe that you contact 000 (triple zero) as this is an emergency.

Again, thank you for sharing what you are going through with our community, we are sure there are members that are able to share their experiences with you.

[geoff]

Hello Pandemica, I'm really sorry to know how you are feeling and perhaps if I can explain a situation that happened to me a long time ago and can't verify whether it's still done now.

In desperation over 20 years ago, so it's a long time ago, I rang Lifeline, I didn't tell them my whole name but traced my number and the police arrived and took me to the hospital for my own protection.

It would depend on what you say to them, but know that they do a terrific job.

Remember no one wants to go to the hospital but under certain circumstances, it's the best place to be.

My best.

Geoff.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I'm so glad you posted here. This is, as you know, anonymous and you can continue to post and expand your situation and thoughts anytime 24/7/365.

Your post took my back to 1996, working 3 jobs and a narcissistic lazy wife, two young children pushed to the edge.I would, as Geoff said) ring them if you are at the end of your breaking point. Until then, you are most welcome to keep jotting down posts here about your work/relationships/etc.

Working 3 jobs one of which was shiftwork 12 hours days or nights in security I was sleep deprived. I had a sleep study years later to find I had sleep apnoea a possibility for you which either way, deprived of sound sleep will run you down. It is more serious than people think. It's part of looking after yourself.

When in survival mode you cant discard any ideas that come your way. Eg take some leave (charity begins at home), then get in your car and drive to a motel far away and smell the roses, a salt water spa, massage, cafe for coffee and so on....window shop!

Read- there is a massive library here- just use search eg you can read the first post of these that might help-

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/depression/depression-and-the-timing-of-motivation

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/the-reality-of-ill-directed-positivity

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/worry-worry-worry

and the best one which includes several links that I highly recommend for relaxation-

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/meditation---words-of-wisdom---it-helped-me-for-25-years

I hope you are ok.

TonyWK

[Guest_1643]

Hello,

I have called that line recently, they're great.

I think there is a lot of respect for autonomy nowadays.,

U don't have to give Ur name,

U don't have to say where u work or Ur age...

If u have taken steps to end Ur life and are at risk, they may need to intervene, but other than that, if you judt need to talk, it's almost fully confidential

Lifelime is also good being that they don't record calls, and re staffsd by volunteers, they never ask Ur name or too ,uch info.

[Pandemica]

Thankyou to all that replied. I certainly won't be giving any identifiable information to them if and when I call. Sometimes when things get really dark I feel it would be good to just chat without fear of any intervention. I have read many research articles about health care workers and suicide. One of the highest suicide rates is among intern Dr's. This is the point when pressure to perform is at its highest. I can certainly understand the "Rock and a hard place" situation but their needs to be help available to healthcare workers (especially during the pandemic).

Thanks ,

Pandemica

[Guest_1643]

Hi Pandemica,

Wow, I'm so sorry

I wander if there are drop in centres, where u can chat to someone without needing to Really identify urself, like vinnies or salvation army?

Or places like wire women, if u are female or female identifying.. that's a Victoria one.

[Guest_1643]

I am really puzzled by this,

I've had a s* attempt, and there's no record of it, I've been, thank G-d employed and employable in official and government positions ...like for 12 years....

I'm not in health care but I don't see it as a factor preventing me from achieving any and all my professional goals.

I do call Lifeline a fair bit and suicide line and find them genuine people, hopefully they will be on Ur side and try care and help without risking anonymity

The stigma sounds real for Health care workers

There's all vhdp or something similar , a place specifically for health care workers to get support, think that's just in vic.

If I was in Ur situation I might go an alt route, like counselling or even wholistic health sessions, or see a Dr overseas over telehealth, or try and see if i could find a friend or friend of friends to speak to a bit less officially.

Hopefully if u get the help u need somehow u will recover and be able to feel better .... the pressure on healthcare workers now is insane, and it sounds like many ppl are struggling.

[Pandemica]

Thanks Sleepy21 & Sophie,

It certainly is a really tough time to be working in healthcare. Its really nice to know that there is help available out there.

Thanks for your support.

[Croix]

Dear Pandemica~

I wholly understand your feeling threatened if you call a crisis line, more for the effect on your profession perhaps than plaything else.

However, as you have said "I don't really know and don't want to find out"

May I suggest you are operating in a vacuum wihtout the specific information you need to make an informed judgment. So why not make tactful inquiries and find out exactly what you might be facing - it could be less dramatic than you are assuming.

A close member of my family remains in a job similar ot yours after an episode.

There is another side to it, I never reported my mental health conditon and suicidality. I did not believe I could live in a different occupation. Then the time came I could not do my job and was invalided out after some attempts - very ill and with no prospects. It took an awful long tme to get back to the good place I'm in now.

Bluntly no job is worth your life, even though you might not at the moment be able to envisage a different life than being a front-line worker, there are other lives to live, as I found out

Croix