Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

[hellohi]

Hi,

I feel very alone and I feel nobody wants to hear me. I try to talk to my parents as much as I can about everything stupid to important, but they don’t understand or respect my opinion. They always taunt me and they are never satisfied with whatever I do. I can't talk to them about how I feel. They would never show me their affection, they never hug me, or give me a proper response for my special moments or properly spend time with me. They avoid me. I don't have a strong relationship with anyone.

I know I am very overweight and extremely ugly, I have to put up with it myself every day of my life. I hate the way I walk, talk and I am dumb in everything I do. So many times I have known the answer or have an idea, but I cannot say it out loud in class. I am fine with sharing things with my friends and sometimes other students in my class, but even with them I feel ignored and alone, as I cannot keep up with things going on in their lives, they all have social media and I don’t and they go all travelling and I have never been out the house except to go to school. Or they simply don’t want to talk to me because of my ugly looks and lack of popularity. There are students in my class who everyone respects because they are good-looking not caring how rude they can be, everyone tells me being beautiful in the inside is more important, but no one cares about being kind. I feel so out of place.

I try my hardest to look skinny, I wear clothes that I think will help me do that, I try to keep my things clean and tidy and I try to be nice as much as I can. Nothing works, I always feel the same; alone and stupid. I don’t want any of my friends and family to know about how I feel. But with my parents, my younger brother and my friends ignoring me and making me feel alone, make me think about suicide and I can't sleep during the night or wake up early in the morning.

I don’t feel loved, happy or accepted in the people I am surrounded with.

I feel weak, alone, misunderstood, ugly, sad, confused and a burden on everyone. I feel confused as I got no idea where I want to work. I feel stupid and sad because my grandma has breast cancer and I haven’t seen her, all I have done is make her miserable, I want to talk to her which I can’t do it through a phone call, because at that moment I don’t want to say and I don't know if she wants to talk to me.

Maybe I am overreacting because so many other people go through worse things than me, but this is how I feel

[ecomama]

Dear Neerja (& a wave to Padfoot)

I'm not very well at all. Today my Dr put me in a Specialist's hands and I need to go into hospital for all that.
So I'm very tired all the time. In pain alot. Feeling pretty yuck.

I really can't do much, but I really hope I can go back to work in 2 weeks time. I'm cutting back to 3 days per week if my bosses let me and I think they will but I can't tell them info I don't know, so I'll keep schtum about my physical health.

I'm listening to meditation CDs by Dr Joe Dispenza that lead you into the 'quantum field' to the almost endless possibilities for healing. I'm also reading his book "You are the Placebo" to heal myself.
It's funny because I read "The Four Agreements" in one day on Sunday and it spoke of our lives being a possible hell on earth or heaven on earth depending on our thoughts basically. It guides you through how to do that, so I will read it again and again lol.

Neerja, can you draw your visions of your happiest life? Instead of writing in a Gratitude Journal if this is triggering.

I understand that it's important to visualise our best life as though it's happening NOW, so all our words are in the present tense.

But in combination of things I've read and even research studies.... watching comedies can actually heal you, there's research and stories to prove this. Some people even have "spontaneous" healing.
Comedies also "lighten" your personal space or "aura".

I haven't got much energy tonight sorry. I am visiting my sick friend tomorrow too.

So I will eat dinner and go to bed.

Love to you
EM

[Guest_1643]

Hi Neerja and waves to your beautiful friends here - sending each one warm wishes!

I feel like I really wanted to say something regarding your parents statements that you are "faking" depression because you seem "fine."

Someone wrote this to me or either said this to me and I've needed to hear it so I wandered if maybe you did too.
People don't "fake" depression - or pretend. If someone even went to the effort to do, they would also need help, as that indicates pain too. When people say they are struggling, they mean it. You have a right to your feelings. You feel you need support, you feel things are painful for you - no matter if people don't believe you, what you know inside is the guiding light. I'm sorry you are not being believed. I'm really glad you are here on the forum and really like talking to you here.

[hellohi]

Hi Padfoot,

I am sorry you are going through so much. I wanted to say that you do not deserve the way your mum and sister are treating you.

Guilt-tripping is painful. My parents use that a lot. 4 years, I was in the hospital for anxiety and chest pain, my parents used guilt-tripping so I wouldn't talk about the arguments they have with each other.

I am really glad that you have people who make you feel less lonely. That is really good!

Hope you are doing well and stay COVID safe too.

I hope your relationship with your mother and your sister improves too. 🙂

Warm wishes,

Neerja

[hellohi]

Hi Ecomama,

I am really sorry you are not doing well, feel very tired and in pain. I really really hope you feel better. If you are a good friend (which more definitely are) you will and you MUST take days off and relax. You spend so much time generously and kindly supporting other people, I think you need to spend more time on yourself. Please do.

Please don't apologise too.

I really hope your bosses let you cut down the 3 days.

WOW! you are a fast reader! One day that is quick! The meditation CDs by Dr Joe Dispenza, The Four Agreements and the You are the Placebo all sound amazing!

That is so true, Comedies do "lighten" your personal space or "aura". Sometimes, we comedy shows on and they really help with zoning out and relaxing. They help you see things in better ways and just make you happy, it is magical. Comedians have a really hard job, it is easier to make someone cry than to make them laugh.

How is your friend doing?

How has your day been?

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friend, for your quick recovery and good health. I really hope you both feel better.

May your day be filled with happiness, laughter, wellness, sunshine and joy.

Warm wishes,

Your friend,

Neerja

[hellohi]

Hi Sleepy21,

I really like talking to you on here too. 🙂

I think I really needed to hear that, I have never seen it that way. The way my parents say those things, really made me feel guilty, spoilt and fake.

With the forums, I have been able to conceal fewer emotions and things. Its a place where I can safely take down the mask, and actually talk about how I feel and after 4 years I was able to do so. Each day feels like a struggle, when you have suicidal thoughts and have to put on this mask showing that you are alright and hideaway that vulnerable and bottled up/concealed inner self and emotions. But here I am able to hide fewer things.

I'm really really glad you are on the forums and thank you for being here. 🙂

May each day be bright and joyful,

Warm wishes,

Neerja

[ecomama]

Dear Neerja

Your posts sound 'lighter', thankyou for all your well wishes for me and my friend. Sometimes happiness is a wonderful thing even if it's not ours. Your wishes make me feel so much better thankyou. xxxx

Alas my friend, T, is so full of fury and anger and all sorts of negative emotions at the world, I'm not sure she'll recover. She's denying any treatment so IDK. Today I let myself cry more about losing her.

Me IDK lol. I'm trying to 'live in the moment' and visualise an abundant life of health and happiness.

I realised T was reflecting alot of our past relationship energy yesterday. Ofcourse she's allowed to express anything she wants to and me to her - it's a friendship of around 50y lol. But I also see very little development or change or a WANT to change within her. She denied the Vitamins I brought her, but I left them there lol.

She has alot to be angry about if she chooses to continue focussing on that ONLY. We all do. That's all in the past and my attitude is that I only want to think about the past IF it helps me now. lol, I've learnt ALOT but I can let it ALL go now.

I'm really trying to practice being above all yuck stuff and observing my thoughts from like a 3rd person perspective. I'm pretty proud of my efforts yesterday & today lol. I 'caught myself' thinking yucky things about others and quickly changed my mind. It felt good!

I only read 1 book in 1 day lol but got into my Placebo one and it's truly amazing.

Today I read in it about the area of habit. From our thoughts to our bodies and how our bodies get used to the chemicals it receives from our circular thoughts over and over again. It becomes what is called 'emotional addiction'. I CAN SEE that in myself.

The DNA in our CELLS remember emotions be them negative or positive and habits stick. So the habit ones he calls theeling and finking lol cute exchange there.

My "habits" of depression, PTSD, anxiety were moving away, but my body is fighting their removal lol! OMG - GO AWAY! But even thinking that is cementing them more in our minds and my body wants that "fix".

So I guess I'm going into "withdrawal" and lifting myself above to know and feel ALL POSSIBILITIES is becoming a better habit.

I wish for you what you wish for others dear Neerja, abundance of light, happiness, health and love. And endless wonderful everything.

Lots of love EM

[Guest_1643]

The Four Agreements is a classic! Thanks for sharing EM and Neerja 🙂

[hellohi]

Hi Ecomama,

I am deeply sorry that your friend is denying treatment, is having negative thoughts and is angry. I am really sorry. She is going through so much pain.

But I am really glad that you left the vitamins there. You have a really strong friendship, it is beautiful to hear that it has been over 50 years! I really really really hope she feels better and stops denying treatment.

I understand why you let yourself cry, you had been holding in all of those emotions for so long.

That sounds really good, that you are reflecting in a 3rd person perspective. You should be proud! That is a really difficult thing to do. I am really glad you are trying to see the positive.

I think reading 1 book in 1 day is quick! Staying focused on one book is hard.

Wow, I never heard of that our bodies get used to the chemicals it receives from our circular thoughts. I learnt something today. Lol, I never heard of theeling and finking.

I am really glad that the negative thoughts are gradually moving away from the "habits" of depression, PTSD and anxiety, also you are trying to feel all of the possibilities and the positivity.

Thank you for your kind words and wishes. 🙂

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friend. I really hope you both feel better.

Sending you and your friend healing thoughts, heartfelt wishes and sunshine to brighten your days.

The flowers are blooming, the sun is shining, with their way of saying "get well soon".

Warm wishes,

Your friend,

Neerja

Please spend more time on yourself and I really hope that your friend stops denying treatment.

[hellohi]

The Four Agreements sounds like a wonderful book! I want to read it now!

I am currently reading 12 Angry Men for English.

[hellohi]

Hi Ecomama,

How has today been for you?