It’s been a long time

[Supermum]

Hello all . It’s been a long time since I felt the need to post . I guess that’s a bad thing to feel the need again . I feel lost alone etc what’s the point .

[White_Rose]

Hello Supermum

I think you are trying to live up to your BB avatar. It's virtually impossible to be a supermum. We are just ordinary people who have been hit by this horrible illness called depression. You did not want it and would get rid of it today is you could. It will take time and there will be times when you feel you are going backwards or standing still. It's a time to stop trying and just 'be'. I know I make it sound easy and it's not, but try anyway. Try some meditation or mindfulness. Both help to keep your mind focused on one thing and shut out the rest of the world.

Hiding your pain takes a lot of energy which you could use to get well again. How would you feel if your husband was unwell and did not tell you? Please do not shut him out of this dire part of your life. I know you feel shame and embarrassment. I felt the same and still do from time to time. What does it mean to be good enough? Good enough for what? Not strong? You've got to be kidding. No one gets this far without courage and strength. It's hard work both physically and mentally so give yourself a pat on the back instead of a clip round the ear.

Look how hard it was to make your first post here and how hard you need to work to hide all that pain from your husband. Please let him help you unless you feel he would not want to help. Your GP and psychologist care about you but cannot love you the way your husband does and this is the support you need now. You do not deserve any punishment. Depression happens to anyone rich or poor, married or single, man or woman, parent or not. One day we will know how this is triggered but not yet. Please believe me when I say it will go away, you will be free. There will be hard days, I'm not trying to paint a rosy picture to fool you. Get all the help you can. It will make a huge difference. Even posting here can make a difference.

I feel so strongly you can get well. I know the pain of depression the shame and the desire to escape. It's a bad place to be and I hope you can find your way out soon. Or at least find the road. Post in often if it helps.

Mary

[Balance]

Hello Supermum,

I was just re-reading your posts.

I do hope that things have moved on a bit for you after the doctor's visit.

In the journey through life and healing, my experience has always been to

walk 2 steps forward and 1 step back. Acceptance of this fact eases some tension.

Try to just live one day at a time!

I am so happy for you, that you have your children to look after.

From my own experience with depression, it was my children who gave me

the greatest motivation to get up in the morning.

I am very sorry life is hard for you at the moment.

Be strong, despite everything try to be grateful.

When you are in the midst of a problem it seems it will never end.

During those periods where I experienced depression, I was

very kind to myself. I believed deep inside, that the fog will lift one day ...

and it did. With my whole heart, I wish the same for you.

With warmest regards,

B

[Balance]

Hello Supermum,

just a little note to ask how you are doing?

I am thinking of you every day.

B

[Supermum]

I understand what you are saying .

I just can’t move forward and I don’t know how to stop these intrusive thoughts of harming myself . It’s relentless and I want it to stop so I numb myself with alcohol or by taking extra medications so I sleep and then the pain is paused just for a moment . I need help more than I am accessing . I need to reset without the shame

[Sophie_M]

Hi Supermum,

We're sorry to hear how much you're struggling at the moment with these intrusive thoughts. We can imagine living with these thoughts and feelings must be so overwhelming.

Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you.
We hope you know that there is always help available to you.

We strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

Please check in and let us know how you are whenever you feel up to it.
 

[White_Rose]

Dear Supermum

You darling girl, I grieve so much for you. These are words I do write lightly because I do ache for your unhappiness.

I have been where you are now, had similar thoughts but unlike you I tried to carry them out. I felt even more ashamed of myself than I had before, if that's possible. I understand how alcohol and pills can make you feel better for a short time. It is only for a short time and the thoughts come back worse than ever. Alcohol is a depressant that is harming you on several levels.

I think you need more help than you are getting. C an you ask your GP to refer you to a psychiatrist? Carry on seeing the psychologist. These two mental health professionals work in different ways and there is often a team of therapists working together. How often do you see the psychologist? I don't usually tell people what to do but I really urge you to see a psychiatrist at least once a week. There was a time when I saw a psychiatrist twice a week and I needed it.

Most of the fees are covered by Medicare so it will not be too expensive. Please add this person to your team. He/she can prescribe medication for you and they are experts in this field. It may help changing meds but I do not know this. Just wondering. Do you get any side effects from the meds?

I know it's another person to talk to but it will be of great benefit to you. Please try. I am concerned about you and I do not want you to go down my road. That's not a good place to be. Get as much help as you can and post in here to get support and help.

Mary

[Supermum]

Hello again . I just feel so empty, everything takes effort and I just don’t want to do this anymore. Even the effort to talk to people is too much. I cancelled my appointment with my psychologist as I just don’t want to talk anymore. I just want to be by myself alone. 😔