It’s been a long time

[Supermum]

Hello all . It’s been a long time since I felt the need to post . I guess that’s a bad thing to feel the need again . I feel lost alone etc what’s the point .

[Sophie_M]

Hi Supermum,

We're so sorry to hear that you're feeling lost and alone at the moment, but we are glad that you have reached out again to our wonderful community here for support. This is a safe space to express yourself and our community is here to offer as much advice and conversation as you need.

Please know that help is always to you, and if you would like some extra support to talk through these feelings, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available to you, anytime, on 1300 22 4636 or you can get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport In addition to this, the counsellors at Lifeline and Suicide Call Back Service are always available to you during your most difficult moments:

•  Lifeline - 13 11 14 (online chat available 7pm-12am) 
•  Suicide Call Back Service - 1300 659 467 (online chat available 24/7)

We hope that being part of this community can bring you some comfort and help you to feel a little less alone. Please feel free to keep checking back in and let us know how you are going when you feel up to it.
 

[White_Rose]

Hello Supermum

Welcome back even though your return is sad. Many of us here have experienced getting well and regaining our good mental health only to find down the track the bad 'stuff' has resurfaced. It does feel hard and not a little unfair. There has usually been a lot of hard work put in to start feeling good about ourselves.

It is the nature of mental unwellness unfortunately but do not despair. I have found when I slip back it is for a shorter time and the intervals between get longer. The new skin we have found can be a little tender and vulnerable to reminders about our various MI concerns.

You feel bad about the need to post and I agree. For me there is some shame because I am not strong enough to manage without props. That's not the way to see things. There is not shame in any illness and people with many physical illnesses do slip backwards at times. It feel as though something has come out of left field and slapped you round the face with a wet fish.

Are you thinking of harming yourself? Why did you stop? Was it because you started to feel better. Please start again and build on what you have already shown you can do. You know we are here to offer help and support

Where did it all come from and why now are some of the questions we ask. Well we can be triggered by events outside our control. It makes you remember parts of our lives we would rather forget. This is where we revisit our coping mechanisms learned in sessions with the therapist.

Can you remember how you felt when you first recognised something was wrong. I am guessing it took you entirely by surprise. After a few days doing anything except revisit our previous management processes is procrastination.. In a little while you will get out your notes and use these to start again. It can be a hard journey but when you go back to your first management options and explore them again I think you have a more than a tenuous hold on the dog. Memory can place a huge part in helping someone back on the road.

Are you thinking of harming yourself? Why did you stop? Was it because you started to feel better. Please start again and build on what you have already shown you can do. You know we are here to offer help and support. You have not told us what you problem is other than a need to vent. Please do so at any time.

Mary

[Supermum]

Hi Mary ,

Thank you for your post . Im not sure what has triggered me to feel so low again but I hope it is short lived. I know I have to be kind to myself and just except that it is how it has to be.

I stopped harming myself as I did start to feel better and less self loathing I guess. I allowed myself to forgive myself for all the guilt I felt. I feel like harming myself again . Those dark thoughts and feelings like a dripping tap. My children are my safety net although at times the impulsiveness to harm myself overrides that.

I haven’t spoken to my psychologist in a month and I know this will help if I do so that’s one thing I can put into action. i am angry with myself for feeling like this again...... and for taking medication I shouldn’t . To tempt death one day will backfire .

deep breaths ...

[Supermum]

Thank you Sophie I am very grateful for this forum that helped me so much last time .

[Supermum]

Hi ,

I’m not able to see my psychologist till next week and I tried to open up to my GP but the words wouldn’t come out. I have taken medication that I know I shouldn’t of taken in excess . I don’t know why I do this is it to punish myself or because I want help I don’t know . I feel pathetic and ungrateful for a life I should be happy for even with its stressors . I just need there to be a stop all this switch that was turned on 2 years ago. To be back to my old self .

[monkey_magic]

Hi Supermum,

I think you desperately want to feel better so taking meds is a way of trying to feel like your old self again.

I'd also like to feel like my old self again 😞

It's great that you went to the doctor. I know what you mean about the words not coming out.

Hopefully u feel free to open up to the psychologist which could be cathartic and a great help. If it's the right fit of course.

Can U make a promise that you won't take too much medication and hang in there until the psychologist appointment?

There are many people here who care and would love to see you feel much better than you do currently.

Always feel free to share more if it helps you.

💜

[White_Rose]

Hello Supermum

I am so sorry we have not responded earlier and that you are feeling so bad. I'm not entirely clear about the meds you have taken. Were these prescribed for your MH but you have taken more than you should or is it different meds you have taken? In the second instance, if you are not taking these meds as part of your treatment I suggest you return all of them to your local pharmacy and put one temptation out of reach. If it is meds you take daily can you give them to your partner/spouse to give you every day until these urges stop? It needs a determined effort to put means out of reach until you can manage yourself again. Please consider these options.

We all want a happy life and I think we do manage this a great deal of the time. It comes unstuck when we become overwhelmed or triggered by something that takes us back to the time when we were not coping. It does seem cruel and unfair. But it is life and we cope with it as best we can. Remind yourself that you got through this before and can do so again.Yes it's hard and we get fed up with carrying these burdens, putting them down and picking them up again.

Great news that you going to see your psychologist soon. I hope he/she can help you with strategies to manage this time. Have you looked at the Beyond Now planning tool? You can find it under Get Support at the top of the page. It's about suicide safety planning, what you can do to keep yourself safe. If your partner is able to help you complete this it will be easier. Two people working on the plan to decide what works best for you is extremely helpful. It may be something to discuss with your psychologist when you next meet.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you are going.

Mary

[Balance]

Hello Supermum,

You are not alone!!!

Many people care about you - myself included.

Try to be patient, it brings stability, bit by bit.

My own journey towards healing has always taken me

two steps forward and one steps back.

Have faith and lean on us your community.

Warm regards

B

[Supermum]

Thank you Mary . I’ve had a look through the support pages and they do help very much so . I have a safety plan but it doesnt involve my husband as I cannot let him know how I’ve been feeling and what I have done before.

I have my psychologist and GP that I confide in and this has helped for a while now to keep me bobbing along and I’m so mad at myself that I feel like this now .
I am so ashamed and disappointed . I am an embarrassment and don’t deserve the 3 children I do . These feelings and thoughts are just punishment I guess for being not good enough, not strong enough . Could I do that to my family . I don’t know anymore .