IM GAY! and its killing me....

[pgret]

im now 22 years of age and life seems to be getting harder. it all started when i was 15 and I came out as gay, of course nobody took me seriously and neglected me once they knew i wasnt joking, I've been wanting to kill myself for years now and have 3 failed attempts. my first attempt was in 2016 after the boy i had a crush on abused me for trying to get close with him while being gay. my parents are also no help as they dont approve of me being gay and have thrown me out several times. things got so bad to the point I was homeless for 2 months to where my second suicide attempt happened. i got arrested and put in rehab for months but atleast i got shelter and food, so maybe that was a good thing. it seems that the whole world is against me and nobody likes me. I. Will. Never. Be. Okay.

[Sophie_M]

Hi pgret,

Welcome you to the forums. Thank you for sharing your experiences and concerns. Please feel free to express yourself and your concerns openly and without fear of judgement as this is a safe space.
 
We can hear the pain and distress you are feeling and want to ensure you remain safe, so we're reaching out to you privately to check in and offer some support. If at any point that urge to end it becomes too strong or you feel unsafe, please contact emergency services on 000. It takes courage to persevere and seek help as you have done, we hope you can see that and be kind to yourself during this time.

As you have stated a lack of acceptance by your extended family, we recommend contacting QLife. They’re a free and anonymous service run by LGBTIQ+ peers for those wanting to talk about a range of issues including sexuality, identity, gender, bodies, feelings, or relationships. They operate between 3pm and midnight each day and can be called on 1800 184 527 or chat via QLife Online Chat
 
The National Alcohol and Other Drug Hotline can be contacted 24/7 by calling 1800250015, where you will automatically be connected to the Alcohol and Drug Information Service that operates in your state or territory. Reaching out for help and support is an important first step in dealing with the issues alcohol might be causing in your life, find more information via Dept of Health link- NAAODH.

Thank you for trusting our supportive community and sharing your experiences. Hopefully we'll hear from the community once someone spots your post, we hope you find the shared insights and advice of our members helpful.
 
Kind regards

Sophie M

[Petal22]

Hi pgret,

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

Ok, your gay and that’s ok. 

Im sorry how other people have treated you please know this is a reflection of them and not you.

Please try to accept yourself for your self because once you can do this the more happier you will feel.

We can’t change who we are and we shouldn’t feel as though we have to.

Your people are out there just waiting for you to meet them, they are your tribe.

[therising]

Hi pgret

You have been through some absolutely horrible and depressing experiences and here you are still being the most honest version of yourself, something to be proud of. Sometimes it's easier in a way to try and ignore or suppress who you are or lie to people about who you are, just so you can make it through life without so many over opinionated depressing people bringing you down. You are facing, expressing and accepting what others won't face constructively and accept. Pays to question 'How do I manage people who are less conscious than me, people whose minds remain closed and fixed tight around beliefs that serve them in some way?'.

There have been a couple of instances in my life where I've felt so incredibly alone and it wasn't until I discovered people I could relate to and who could relate to me that the depressing loneliness shifted. One involved group therapy, for depression. The other involved me falling in love with the woo woo world (body/mind/spirit factor). With the therapy, it was mind altering and life changing. It actually took me out of more than a decade in depression. With the woo woo aspect, while I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, the way 'friends' and family expressed their feelings toward it and my love for it took me to a very dark place until I found others who related. Met a new friend on this path, who changed my life and the way I saw myself. If not for him, I would have returned to deep depression. He said something along the lines of 'You have to forgive yourself for having left the path on which you will discover the true nature of who you are. Forgive yourself for having re-turned to how others wish for you to be. One of your jobs on this path is to wash off the mud and s*** others throw at you, hold your head high and don't let any of it stick'.

Could this time in your life be pushing you to find your community (unity experienced through what you all have in common)? Until now, have you found it's largely about separation, you being the black sheep or the odd one out, something that can be felt? It can feel so incredibly depressing. It's also the same feeling that pushes us to find what and who will serve us in our growth. Sounds like you may be on the verge of new stage of life. The verge is a tough place to be, esp when standing alone.