I was getting better but now I'm getting much worse

[orangejuicewithpulp]

I have depression, anxiety and social anxiety (unsure if those last 2 fall under the same category)

I've been on antidepressants since August and I felt like I was getting a lot better. I was really excited to start uni this semester because I was moving to a different uni and changing my degree to something I enjoyed. Around the beginning of this year I started seeing a new psychologist (my third one so far) and I felt it wasn't really helping that much but I stayed with it. I thought about stopping and now it just so happens I can't see her anymore because she only works on Tuesdays and I'm at uni 9-5 on that day. So I haven't been to see her for just over a month now but I feel that if I went back it wouldn't help much anyway.

Recently at uni my symptoms have been coming back slowly but quite steadily. I enter panic mode in classes where I don't know anyone, I doze off in lectures even though I sleep way more than I should, I'm losing focus on things I enjoy and those darker thoughts are happening more and more often. In the past when I was in a bad way I would have passing thoughts about killing myself but recently I not only think about it more often but I'm imagining ways I could actually do it.

There are days where I'm really happy to just enjoy life but then there are days like these where I feel like I'm losing my mind and I don't know what to do about it. Mind you I've told my psychiatrist about this and how therapy isn't helping me and his thoughts were that I was too intelligent for therapy (his words not mine) and that he could either give me medication or I could try something called mindfulness. I chose to try mindfulness and it works sometimes but I'm so far gone at this point that my attention span for it has just gone out the window.

[Sophie_M]

Hi orangejuicewithpulp,

We are so sorry to hear that things have been getting worse for you and that you have not been able to access your psychologist for support. We understand that these feeling must be overwhelming. We want to let you  know that we are getting in touch with you privately to check on your wellbeing.

We would strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.
 

[Croix]

Dear OJWP~

I read your other thread and think your efforts are on the right track even if things do not seem to be working at the moment.

You told your parents of your condition -and that worked out well, I'm so pleased as you felt they would not take it well.

You have tried to relieve your stress by changing from Film to English at Uni and reducing your work load. Can't hurt, may have done some good. Very frustrating those symptoms started to reoccur even so.

You have a GP and a psychiatrist which is the best combination to have, though it always depends upon having the exact right ones. It's the first time I've ever heard of anybody being told they are "too intelligent" for therapy. That sounds a little like a cop-out to me, maybe though I'm being harsh on your therapist.

He may be right about medication and/or mindfulness (or a change of therapist) and I think your choice of mindfulness first was a wise one provided you can keep on going. I can also appreciate it is not easy to do (or even understand the idea).

I have the attention span of a gnat and could never really grasp the concept or complete an exercise. My mind would wonder back to the things that were troubling me.

I finally found a smartphone app called "Smiling Mind"

https://www.smilingmind.com.au

This has a whole range of exercises, and I found even the starting 2-minute exercise was helpful. It has enough 'nagging' to keep returning my mind to the contemplation and feeling that I should be doing. There are graduated levels of duration and self-reliance. It did take a little practice but has been well worth it.

I find it does break my chain of harmful or negative thoughts, and after an exercise they may well not return and I may think of fresh and more pleasant things.

Can I suggest you give it a serious go, not just a quick try. It gets easier with practice.

Please let me know what you think

Croix

[geoff]

Hello OJW, I have typed a reply but I lost it, I'm sorry but will come back, it's always disappointing when this happens.

Best wishes.

Geoff.