I hate this life

[Ashley20]

Been here a few times, only back because I'm distressed again. I'm a massive theme park enthusiast and have been a member of a theme park site called Parkz, over the past few months it feels like I've simply hounded, you state your opinion on something and it turns into a giant argument, I had to constantly defend myself. 2 days ago, I cracked a joke, and accidentally made a typo, I was hounded for that, had someone say my half of my content is a waste and that it's annoying to read, in other words was called annoying. I reached the end and threatened suicide, a few hours later police knock on my door to check on me. I vented yesterday to parkz, about this saying the bullying on here is horrible and that parkz almost killed me, if it wasn't for police I don't know if I would be here. Obviously the mods of parkz pulled it down pretty quick, banned me indefinitely from parkz, which is fine because I wasn't coming back and instead of thinking parkz might be the problem the asshole moderator, simple stated to "please get help, parkz can't help you, we can't have you continuing here." And gave me lifelines stupid number, which is useless. Immediately saying I'm the problem, yeah I have depression, but for months I've been happy I've been good, for the first time in years. I come back to Parkz, and my mental plummets, coincidence I think not. It's a common saying on that site to have thick skin, and not be sensitive, why would that be? you get my point. They did this to me, they made me want to commit suicide again, and still I want to die. I've been through enough in this world, been bullied like crazy throughout my school years, even by some teachers, why because I was autistic, or as they said spastic. Lost a really good mate of mine to an accident, last thing I ever said to him was drop dead, because we got in an argument. I had a cousin who I considered my brother, turns out he stabbed me in the back, lied used me, got about $5000 out of me, but worst of all he raped a mutual family friends daughter, twice, and almost did it a third time. I was left broken after it. I could go on, but there's no point. Finally I break free and start to feel happy again, and get back involved in something I like, now I'm back here, and I have a difficult moderator basically saying it's your fault, nothing to do with parkz. Anyway that's my vent. 

[therising]

Hi Ashley

My heart goes out to you as you suffer so much through the highly questionable attitudes and actions of others.

I like to think of sensitivity as a super power. When someone says to me 'You're too sensitive, you need to toughen up', they may as well be saying 'Get rid of your ability to feel'. 

I've found being sensitive requires a bit of sassiness at times. Again, that statement 'You need to toughen up' used to bring me down while leading me to believe I was weak. With me having developed my sassy sense of self and a great deal of pride in my sensitivity, this statement now leads me to say to people 'You know that statement's depressing'. Others will typically say 'No it's not'. My response, 'Damn right it is. You know how I know it's depressing? I can feel it and I've learned to trust what I feel'. If you connect with a group of sensitives, they'll all agree it can be a depressing statement you can feel at a soulful level. The statement can also feel angering at times.

Sensitive people have the ability to feel so much. They'll feel injustice, a lack of help, the need to question, the need to wonder, the degrading arrogance of others, triggering comments and the list goes on. Insensitive people don't often feel a lot of that, based on the fact they're insensitive (can't sense for one reason or another). A lot of the time, people are conditioned out of feeling/sensing when they're kids, which is really sad. They lose their ability. You never lost yours, which is why you still feel so much.

Your sensitivity will tell you what/who you're dealing with. A social media platform is good practice for getting a feel for people's nature. You can feel a depressing nature in someone (belonging to a person who often brings or puts people down), an arrogant self righteous one, a happy one, an inspiring one etc. You'll feel  'em all 🙂 Why people have such natures remains questionable.