Hey, im new here and I think I just needed somewhere to share all these feelings ive been bottling up. I while ago I met a guy who ill call M, and he was my ex boyfriends bestfriend. I fell really hard for M and I let him do whatever he want to me because I thought that would make him like me back. He played with my head from the start, telling me he had feelings for me and then only a few days later taking it all back. I feel like everything we did together caused me to get attached to him and every night I would spend hours crying over him because I was scared he was using me.
To me he was the most amazing person, and I thought he was perfect for me. We were incredibly similar and had the same sense of humour and just understood eachother. I ended up doing something stupid which I didnt think he would care about and he removed me and told everyone I was disturbing names. It really shattered me and so many people who had never even met me turned against me.
I ended up seeing him a while after it ended and he told me he hated my personality and hated who I was as a person. It absolutely destroyed me. I knew then that he had used me and lead me on and id never felt worse about myself.
I was already self-harming before he removed me, but after it got so much worse. He took away all my confidence and made me question everything about myself. I can't talk to people like how I used too because in the back of my mind there is always a little voice reminding me of what he said. I can't look at myself in the mirror without thinking badly and im just so tired. He made me hate myself.
FF
