I don't know what to do with my life

[I_Need____]

Hey

I'm currently attending high school. I feel like my life isn't important, and it doesn't mean anything to me. I try to help myself, but I'm always to stressed with school work, since I have the type of parents which if I get under 90%....
I just don't know what to do anymore, since my life has just become gaming and netflix. I went back to school for the first time today, everyone else seemed happy but I just couldn't concentrate. I'm just here to try and get help people and find some help for myself. I have been worse at times, but I feel like if I don't do something soon I could do myself harm. I'm too scared to tell anyone about my thoughts since I told a few of my close friends, who didn't really care or believe me. I feel like whenever I'm doing something I usually enjoy, I've just lost all my enthusiasm.

[tranzcrybe]

Welcome back, I_Need, although I'm sorry it had be under such sad circumstances as your Nona's passing.

I hope you are coping okay with this news and, if possible, offering support to your parent(s) who will be dealing with their own inner turmoil - grief affects us all differently but rarely without pain and much soul searching. If Nona had been ill for several months, you may find some understanding of the stressful times for your parents and how their anxieties may have unwittingly filtered down to you.

Could this be the time to really reach out to your parents and open up for each other? Perhaps asking your parent to recount some of their happier memories of Nona, talking about her life and challenges faced/overcome can release the flood gates and set a path to healing. Sometimes what seems locked in stone pales in comparison to the reality that we must treasure the time we have with loved ones.

Your reaction to the classroom response to the video is understandable but you suffered as a result. A therapist may give you such skills to deal with unhealthy thoughts and channel them into more positive outcomes.
Emotions are so powerful and a vital part of our self identity. Perhaps you find in music an avenue for unhindered expression of how you feel without fear of reprisal or inhibition? Translating this into words can be a battle, but, as with artistic pursuits, practice builds confidence and a shared experience multiplies the benefit for all.

I hope you are kind to yourself during this difficult time and can find the treatment that's right for you.

Kind regards,

t.

[I_Need____]

Hey,

How do you recommend opening up to my family about how I am feeling. I really think I need to if I want to get better.

Earlier this month, during the start of my summer holidays, I attempted to take my life.

I am starting to get really concerned with myself, but the further I get into my "journey", the more I bottle up, the harder it becomes for me to talk to anyone. I am not even comfortable texting my friends that already know half of the story.

Thanks

[Sophie_M]

Hi I_Need...,

It's good to hear that you are beginning to contemplate opening up to your family. We would like to join the community in saying how strong you are and how far you have come since you first posted here. Our Support Service is attempting to contact you privately to offer some extra support. Our friendly counsellors will be able to give you some advice on opening up to your family.

Kids Helpline counsellors are also available 24/7 if you'd rather get some advice on this over webchat - https://kidshelpline.com.au/ 

This page may also be helpful for you - “Talk about it"” - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/have-the-conversation/talk-about-it

Thanks for keeping us updated here. We hope that our community brings you some comfort through this difficult time.

[therising]

Hi I_Need

I believe, our journey in life is made up of so very many parts. Sometimes, it's not until we're a little way down the track that we can look back and see how all those parts come together to get us to where we are, at each significant point in life. You could say your journey, so far, has involved self questioning, to begin with (Why do I feel the way I do? What's wrong, that has led me to feel this way and have life appear the way it does?). The list goes on. The next part has challenged you to find someone who can help you find answers, such as friends, teachers and the people who care about you here. The next part of the journey sounds like it involves your parents. This is something you already sense. Choosing a parent who will relate best to what you say and how you're feeling is constructive. If you find it hard to express yourself, you can always write down how you're feeling and read this letter to the parent you've chosen or get them to read it. Being Mum to a 15yo guy and 18yo gal, I can understand this may be very challenging and even heartbreaking for your parent/s to hear but they do need to hear it, so as to begin making a positive difference in your life.

The next part of your journey may involve your parents supporting you in going to your local GP, so as to get a referral in finding the best professional guidance for you. Don't worry too much about how to present yourself (what to say) to a therapist, as they're expert in leading a client to open up. They can use simple introductions such as 'Hi ____, take a seat. How's school and home life going these days?' Even if you find it difficult to open up, and simply say 'Oh, okay', they might say 'Just okay?' and take it from there. Each therapist will have their own way of leading you to feel relaxed. Leave it up to them to guide the way, toward making a difference. Your journey continues, through venting, coming to understand yourself better and developing skills through professional and personal support.

So important that you never let anyone dismiss your feelings as 'Oh, that's just a part of life. Everyone goes through this stage'. It seriously triggers me when people say this to a young person. It's dismissive and irresponsible. Remember, keep going on your journey until you find the people who make the difference. There a plenty of folk who do tend to leave us vibing in depressing sameness. It does become easier to recognise those who are not our 'go to' people.

Take care 🙂

[tranzcrybe]

Hi I_Need,

Sorry you have reached this ebb in your struggle - it seems you have already announced your despair with the attempt on your life.

Were your parents aware of this action (requiring hospitalisation, assessments, etc.)? If so, the conversation has started (but for the actual words) and your parents may be tentative to broach the subject with you. If this isn't the case, you really need to approach them without delay.

Did you manage to engage a therapist prior as mentioned, or had you not raised this with your parents (or had the notion been summarily dismissed)?

The positive is that you recognise the changes in your behaviour and are keen to have these issues addressed.

As therising suggested, writing your thoughts can keep the conversation on track, although I would involve both parents equally and maybe start by handing them your notes to let them process your feelings privately with each other - once discussed collaboratively, and clarified with any other questions/concerns, you should be on the same page to find the treatment you deserve.

Do take care of yourself, I_Need, and thank you for continuing to share your feelings with us. I hope you see brighter days ahead with the aid and support of your parents, GP, therapist and everyone who cares for you at Beyond Blue.

Kind regards,

t.