How to support my friend

[Sal2645]

My friend attempted suicide about a month ago, he is thankfully ok and I have seen and spoke to him numerous times since. At the time I was obviously very distraught and I don’t know that I acted in the most helpful manner. I texted him saying that I’m here if he wants someone to listen and talk to but also if he wants space or anything. He has spoken to me in the past about things and again I’ve seen him since and everything. I just don’t know how to navigate the situation and how to properly be there for him. Like he’s told me he’s doing better and seems to be looking forward to things but also idk whether he just doesn’t want to actually tell me.

It’s really scary because when he did it I didn’t see it coming, like I had talked to him that day and he seemed normal so it’s difficult to know. It just so hard not to think I’m not doing enough and that I didn’t do enough before. I want to be able to support him in anyway he feels comfortable with and I’ve told him that but idk. So I need advice on what to do because I really don’t know and I’m scared I’m not doing enough to be there for him, but like idk he might not even want my help. 

[therising]

Hi Sal2645

You're such a good and highly conscious friend. I've found a highly conscious friend is one of the best friends to have. While you might be thinking 'I wish I was more conscious, more aware of how to help him', give yourself credit. You came here, which makes you very aware.

How to raise our consciousness to even higher levels, in service to our self and/or others can definitely be a challenge. You might even find that if you and your friend were completely honest with each other, the both of you may admit the same thing, 'I'm not exactly sure how to navigate beyond that time (the attempt)'. Doesn't hurt to be honest. To add 'But we're going to work this out together, try and lead or guide each other through it', this indicates neither one of you are alone in this challenge, you're in it together.

'What kind of guidance do we need?' is a question either one of you or both, as a team, could ask. Don't know whether you want to admit to your friend that you looked for guidance on the forums here. Whether you could guide him to try them out could be something worth considering. Some people go for a safety plan when it comes to managing certain thoughts that can lead to rock bottom in depression. Some seek medical guidance, some psychological guidance and some prefer a soulful sense of guidance (religious or non religious). Some find it helpful to find people who can relate to what they've been through, some manage in group therapy (with that kind of support) and the list goes on when it comes to different places to consider exploring.

I think, sometimes it's about exploring emotions, something that I know is not easy for a lot of guys to consider and openly discuss. Being a mum to an 18yo guy, I've found putting a twist on sensitivity can make it about sensing and objectively analysing what kind of energy in motion is being sensed. If the answer is 'It feels depressing', then it becomes 'Can you get a sense of exactly what's depressing?'. If the answer is 'I don't know exactly', I've found a telling way of identifying things can involve asking 'What are you sick of?'. If you throw a 'because' in there it can offer a clue. For example, 'I'm sick of no sense of direction' becomes 'I'm sick because of no sense of direction'. The goal then becomes about establishing direction. As my brother once said to me 'It's important to set goals because your goals establish your sense of direction or where you're aiming to get to. Without goals you can feel like you're going nowhere'. Going nowhere or standing still can be such a depressing feeling, especially when it's been going on for some time. The added bonus when it comes to goals involves hits of dopamine to the brain every time you sense yourself moving closer toward that goal. It's about feeling a natural sense of achievement and progress, while also feeling dopamine or positive chemical energy. Pays to get in touch with our 'feelings' (our ability to feel what's going on). Wondering whether you're able to gain a sense of what led your friend to find himself at rock bottom in depression. If he struggles intensely with inner dialogue, that's definitely one of the things that can lead us there.

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

It's easy to be critical with ourselves in situations like this. I have listened to stories (on podcasts) with similar stories.  It's also obvious from your message that you care very much for this person. Perhaps the best place to start would be here ...

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/support-someone 

and about 1/2 down there is a link to supporting someone after a suicide attempt. And the fact that you are writing here, and wanting to learn more shows (at least to me) that you are doing enough.  Rather than me blabber on about what you can do, please have a look at the resources on the above page.

And if you want to chat more, i'm listening...