How to get your doctor to actually LISTEN?!?

[Quercus]

Hi everyone,

Will try keep it short.

I need ideas from others who manage depression long term about dealing with feeling fobbed off by your doctor when they expect you to be ok.

Perhaps you can share what has worked for you?

I have depression (and thoughts of suicide I refuse to act on) but no matter what I do they just keep on coming back.

People in my life expect me to be ok. My psychiatrist keeps telling me I'm doing ok. He knows I am able to keep myself safe and that I will just keep on trying.

But I'm not alright. My husband can see it too. He says I'm slowly returning to acting how I was when I was at my lowest. He's angry that I keep returning from the doctor without help. He says I perform beautifully in public and that I'm not letting the psych see the truth.

But I'm not hiding it. I've been blunt as with the doc. Gotten angry even.

I've told him at home I just sleep, binge eat and stare off into space then realise it's been hours. That I refuse to act on thoughts until my kids are grown but I keep having them anyway.

It feels like my doc has had enough of me or thinks I'm a hypochondriac. But starting all over again with a new doc is too overwhelming. I know deep down I will not cope starting again.

Any ideas are very much welcome.

Nat

[white knight]

Hi Nat

First lesson I made was to make a double GP appointment. When the GP realises its a double appointment they tend to relax more then listen more.

Second is to choose the right GP. When we first came to this town in January 2020 I asked the reception staff who was best for mental illness and got a goodie.

Third is to delve into your spiritual mind (not religious) to seek calm. You might recall my regular recommendation of listening to Prem Rawat Maharaji.

Google

Youtube Maharaji sunset

Youtube Maharji acceptance

Maharaji the perfect instrument

Listen to one every night before sleeping. Indeed any information that takes you to a calm place.

Have you tried group therapy?

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/you-are-sliding-what-can-you-do

We are here for you Nat. We dont have all the answers. It sound a cliché but I recall a wonderful bright caring lady. She is still there and we'll work on pulling you out of this rut.

TonyWK

[Quercus]

Thanks Tony,

I've been using meditation videos at night and they are helpful on bad nights. I'll add your video to my playlist thanks for the reminder.

The antidepressant he started me on doesn't work and he doesn't want me to go back to my old one even though it works somewhat.

I suppose it's frustrating because my psychiatrist suits me and he's been very helpful. Perhaps hubby is right and I'm just not communicating how I'm doing very well.

Will keep on trying. Thank you. I hope you're doing ok?

[white knight]

I'm doing fine Nat.

I recall 2004 I tried 12 different medication until I found the right one.

It could be you aren't communicating effectively. Being able to talk doesn't mean you are a good communicator.

And you're not on your own with that deficiency

A good idea is write notes before your appointment
TonyWK

[eight]

i'd recommend what i do to strongarm doctors but my attorneys said don't so i have come up with something else. ah. try writing logs if you can no matter how short of how you behave - what you feel, think, what you do. get your husband to corroborate and write here's what ive been noticing in my wife now. show him a k10 since that's the only language they speak, maybe print out this post and give it to him. if you don't want to hurt his feelings think "as opposed to if i don't" and remember you're the person who signs his paychecks

[blondguy]

Hey Nat

since there is no thing as a dumb question on the forums....Have you reached the stage where you have actually cried in front of your doc? Just for myself it took 13 years to do it.....and yes I felt awkward and embarrassed yet a day later a lot of the weight was off my shoulders...ahhhh

Hugs and respect always Nat

Paul

[therising]

Hi Nat

So frustrating when professionals don't seem to be able to hear what you're saying. If only you could do a body swap for a day. Guarantee, the next day they'd be saying to you 'I can't believe you function like this every day. My god woman, you're a legend!'.

You sound like you're seriously out of steam. Staying at home, sleeping and binge eating sounds like your body's doing its best to function, only just. Amazing how the body will lead us to crave any food we can get our hands on just so it can have some fuel. It doesn't care what the fuel is, good or bad.

While I've left my years in depression behind me, there have been occasions since when I've felt myself on the verge of slipping back in based on a variety of energy related factors. A couple involved sleep apnea and a B12 deficiency which really messed me around. The SA I investigated myself because GPs wouldn't give me any constructive input on why I was so tired. Investigation paid off. The B12 deficiency was only picked up because it had become so bad I could barely function. Slept for most of the day and my brain was having trouble registering basic information. I'd spoken to medical people in the lead up to this, insisting something was off but they all fobbed it off.

Do you think the depression could be getting worse as a side effect of a lack of energy. Whether the energy is related to sleep deficiency, chemical/hormonal shifts or a variety of other possibilities that can shift our chemistry, are you starting to put yourself down a bit, calling yourself lazy and hopeless? I hope not. Your mental and physical struggle is highly significant and you're doing your best to work through it, with little help by the sound of it.

Last time I barely had any energy was about a year and a half ago. I could actually feel myself becoming depressed. I recognised the signs and I was truly scared. While my GP is a legend, ordering plenty of tests to get to the bottom of things, nothing was showing up. One day, it hit me, 'What energy are you putting in your body?' The answer...I was consuming little water (hydro power), little healthy high energy foods, little exercise, little vitamin D (solar power) and the list went on. Basically, with little energy input, the chemistry in my brain/body was being impacted.

Lots of things shift our chemistry - our thoughts, energy levels, underlying physical issues, even a lack of inspiration and excitement. How has COVID impacted you?

🙂

[Quercus]

Aww humbled as always to read your replies, thank you.

Eight and Tony you both hit on a way that works for me, writing. I think if my next appointment fails I'll have to resort to that again. It's just that it feels exhausting to have to write (lazy X a billion here).

Paul, thank you for making me smile. I can't stand crying in front of doctors but do it all the time arrgh! For me It's easier to show distress in tears than to speak. Your idea makes sense though... Last session I got angry. He noticed but didn't click that I was angry at him for not listening. Me being angry is like you and tears I guess. Perhaps I need to just tell him... "I am angry".

And as always therising your post has given me so much to consider. I'll have to think a more before I reply, you've hit on a few points that I can relate to. Thank you.

I appreciate all the ideas everyone xo

[quirkywords]

Nat

i am sorry you feel your doctor isn’t listening.

I feel that when I tell people how I really am, they say you are ok, you will be fine.

I think being tired really takes its toll.

[Smilemore137]

Hi Nat, I'm sorry to hear your having such a hard time getting the support you need from you doctor! your mental health is very important and your doctor has a duty of care to keep you safe and insure they have offered you the best advice and support during this time. They needs to listen to you and organise with your permission some extra support with your mental wellness such as counselling CBT therapy and phycologist. With your permission they have the rights to organise all theses referral for you which would take away a bit of stress and worry of you having to do this. Attending new places with new people can be very overwhelming however you deserve to be able to give it a go Nat for yourself you are worth more then you are feeling right now and have so much beauty to offer this world, seeing your current doctor alone isn't enough support for you. I wish you all the best in life and I know you will be just fine with more professional support around you. sending peace and love Karms x