Help me to not care what happens after!

[Arnhem]

‘I am safe’ currently...

But I wish I had the courage to end it yesterday, today or tomorrow.

I wasn’t in a good place before all this bullshit began with Covid, but for at least 6 months now I’ve been constantly thinking about how not existing would be so much easier, peaceful... and how to go about that... (It is not the flu itself, but the insanity and response from Governments worldwide that has really destroyed my ability to care about living anymore), the new Australia many in power talk about, new rules, vaccination passports, tracking etc and possible forced vaccinations, or at least coerced, no jab=no job etc has killed off the last bit of what I used to believe what Australia was and my place in it.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this as I’ve lost all faith in humanity... the one thing really stopping me from going through with it is my parents, especially my mum, as I know it would really destroy her (she’s in her 70’s and in a weird way, it comforts me to think I may not have to wait long).

I’m tortured in my mind every single stinking day... real joy has gone, and I wish I could too.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Arnhem,

Thank you for being part of the beyondblue community forums. We are sorry to hear you are having suicidal thoughts. We understand that this can be very distressing and overwhelming. Please remember you are not alone - there is always help available. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts, we would recommend that you contact a crisis service such as Lifeline 13 11 14 or Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467.
 

[felix mendelssohn]

Hey Arnhem,

The issues that you've raised are inherently political, and this makes it a difficult subject to discuss without treading on people's toes. The fact that you care about preserving an enduring sense of freedom in society for posterity is admirable. Perhaps to break down how this is contributing to your feelings, do you feel that the measures implemented by the government are making your own waking life insufferable (for example, you are unable to travel and do the things that you want to do), or are you experiencing a deeper dread at the general trend of erosion of freedoms?

I am by no means qualified in anything to do with mental health or counselling, but from my own experience I think that sometimes we look for external agents upon which to attribute our internal angst. To be very clear, it is not normal to feel suicidal about stuff like this, nor is it ever really normal to feel suicidal, so treat it seriously. The fact that you are suggests to me that there's a deeper problem at play and you're pinning those feelings on greater societal problems that have dissatisfied you. Maybe I'm wrong, feel free to let me know if you think I'm off the mark. Would strongly recommend seeing a psychologist.

Felix

[MissBenthos]

Hi Arnhem,

I find politics in general to be pretty frustrating. I wouldn't recommend looking to Government/politicians for faith in humanity. Is there something else you can focus on instead? Is your mum a source of positivity for you? Even if you can't feel the joy right now. Are there less distressful things you can engage with?

Have you talked to a doctor or psychologist about any of this?

[Arnhem]

Thanks Sophie, but I really don't know why I even bothered to share my thoughts... a moment of weakness and extreme anxiety on the day.

[Arnhem]

Thanks Felix,

It’s the feeling of someone walking all over my so called ‘rights’ as a human being and others who don’t trust and believe in the so called vaccine and all the other rules attributed to this so called pandemic... it’s honestly eating me up inside how all our rights and freedoms are being trodden on all in the name of safety and health... it’s a travesty in my mind and I can’t accept it at all as most appear to... I just can’t, I don’t buy into all the bullshit of a so called pandemic which is built on a computer model... I absolutely hate another human being telling me I must inject something into my body for the greater good, and that’s just what’s being pushed day after day, I’m going crazy, and it appears to be so accepted as that’s what the mainstream media pushes non stop...

All the measures pushed by government are driving me insane as they don’t make sense, it’s like everyone has had a lobotomy recently.

What I believed Australia was is now gone and I can only think we are governed by a bunch of psychos who care zero about the people.

[Guest_4643]

Hi Arnhem, welcome.

I'm sorry you're feeling suicidal and struggling. COVID has made things hard for everyone worldwide, you're not alone. I guess it would affect everybody differently though.

I'm sorry about your parents too. Please stay safe. It's hard to still have faith in humanity.

And don't feel bad for sharing your thoughts and struggles, that's what these forums are for.

[Arnhem]

Thanks MissBenthos,

I have been watching way too much propaganda news and I know I must stop that, stop listening to the morons and their agendas.

Yes mum is great, but just another believer in the BS.

I know I should spend more time walking down the beach thinking on how awesome the natural world is than thinking about all the nonsense round about this insanity put on us by the government... but it’s hard to pull away from... it just sickens me to the depths of my soul how everything has changed so fast, not because of some flu, but because of the governments new rules... it is them that I hate and can’t live with anymore.

The new Australia they talk of I envision and hate, a world I cannot live in, and that’s why I want to go... I hate what some so easily speak of, and they are the ones in power, whether they be politicians or business leaders...

F this world of BS.

[Arnhem]

Thanks Mb,

But don’t feel sorry for my suicidal thoughts, I don’t... they are the only thing that keeps me going at times because they are what I hold onto as the last resort, when this insanity gets too much, I know I have a way out.

I hate this world... not the natural world, but the man made one, built on greed!

[Sophie_M]

Hey Amhen,

Thanks for reaching out tonight on the Beyond Blue forums. We can hear how angry and frustrated you are with the Covid19 restrictions and the impact it has on your life. We're sorry to hear that the restrictions are causing you to question whether you want to continue living. We acknowledge how uncertain and difficult the past year has been but please know it can and will get better. 
If you feel up to it, we'd recommend reaching out to our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service. The website is regularly updated with information, advice and strategies to help you manage your wellbeing and mental health during this time. You can also call our dedicated support line, staffed by mental health professionals, which is available 24/7 on 1800 512 348.
We hope that you keep checking in to let us know how you're going, whenever you feel up to it.