Get this off my chest
Fighting the urge to suicide.
recently hit rock bottom with my health & left my job purely to focus on it.
My accounts starting to go into minus and I just can’t keep up with anymore medications etc with no job atm or help from family.
I’ve isolated myself to the point I don’t look at myself in the mirror or I feel the most disgust for myself because I’m going through pain in my body.
I don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel & I guess if I had to go through with it maybe writing on here might explain to whoever finds me why I did what I did.
I’m mentally exhausted, sick of crying when Im the only person who hears my cries.
First and foremost, I am sorry about what has happened around you. I felt that you have the courage to seek help, as not everyone has the courage to do that. Therefore, I feel that you should try seek help from a psychologist or try talking to someone who you feel comfortable with, probably a close friend. They would be able to help to lend you a support and also give you further advice on how to overcome it.
I myself have been suffering from panic attacks since last year, and I have been trying to overcome it. Maybe you can try to devote yourself to a religion, as I believe that praying to god can also help you to overcome your thoughts and also calm your mind down too. I do understand how you feel, as I have been through this stage before. However, with my friend's help, they let me know that I am not alone, as they have been there for me as a support. You can try exercise or meditation for the time being, or practice writing a journal to channel your thoughts through it. Whenever I faced panic attacks, I tried to write out my thoughts in a diary, and I feel better afterwards. Do remember that you are not alone no matter what happens.
It’s brave to reach out for help and I really feel for what you are going through. Years ago I had a similar experience where I had an extremely painful condition, had to give up work and saw my savings disappear. I was also battling without help from family. It was during that time I had my first suicidal thoughts. But various things got me out of that place. More recent health issues and major life stresses put me in a position of not working again, but I’m now also finding my way out of that. So I wanted to share a few things that helped.
I think firstly accepting that your body is in pain and self-care is a priority. You need this down time to truly rest and heal. I learned and developed some of my own meditation practices for pain. I educated myself as much as I could about my condition so I was clearer what I was dealing with. I did a lot of journaling. When my pain levels were slightly better I joined a singing group and it had a significant healing effect in that the pain intensity would reduce and I’d feel more hopeful.
I engaged with employment services for people with disabilities and medical conditions. This allowed me to gradually eventually ease back into work that I could manage. However, there is also the option of applying for the disability support pension if work capacity remains limited. Also your GP, if they haven’t already, can complete a Centrelink medical certificate for up to 3 months for medical conditions that are preventing you from working. So these are things you can get support with.
So I just want you to know there are options and even though you may sink to a major low things can definitely improve. Often the body is trying to speak to us in some way and it’s telling us we need to stop and deeply rest. It can be a chance to address deep healing needs in yourself and reassess your life.
You can also get a GP referral to a psychologist under a mental health care plan. It may be good to find a psych with knowledge about dealing with pain and medical conditions. I found a good one online through my own research.
Hang in there because there is hope and people and services out there who can help.