Emotionally, spiritually and physically tired

[Supermum]

Hello all, the last 2 and a half years have been exhausting and I feel like I am just living in an empty universe. I don’t want to talk to my family, my psychologist or anyone . I just want to be quiet and alone. Sometimes life is bearable and I love my children and feel more committed to living but other times I just want it to stop. For the silence and peace to begin. Would it be so awful for those around me to no longer have me in their lives as my constant up and down with sadness must be as tiring for them as it is for me. Things that used to help me focus and be grateful for small things don’t seem to snap me back into place and I just don’t want to do this anymore pure and simple.

[Amanda2000]

Hi Supermum, nice to hear from you again.

Weekends are my bad days and my head was in a mess. Every weekend is the same, my life revolves around my family's timetable which is not always predictable. Monday I'm in recovery mode. From Tuesday onwards I'll be able to fully function. Then come another weekend and the vicious cycle repeats itself.

[smallwolf]

Hi Lianne ... the washing machine you refer to. Can I ask how many items are spinning around?

I know that feeling you speak of. For me it seems there are the 100s of different things and if I write these down it may only be 4 or 5 things but the way my mind works is that one of those things can come at me from many directions at once. By writing them down or attacking each one at a time it can get easier ... maybe.

Or what does a washing machine do?

I hope your days and nights are getting a little easier for you

[smallwolf]

Hi Amanda2000,

Do you have your own thread? I am only asking in case I can write there also. I was wondering if there was some way for you to deal with the unpredictability. Listening to you

[Guest_4643]

Hey Supermum, I hope you're doing ok and your drinking has improved, etc. I read you got a new Psychiatrist, I hope that's going well for you and you feel comfortable. I hope you're safe.

Amanda2000, hi there. I'm sorry that weekends are bad for you. Are you alright, are you safe? And as smallwolf said, we're listening to you, and do you have your own thread we could read and try and assist you more on?

[Amanda2000]

Thanks smallwolf. I'm starting my own thread now.

[Amanda2000]

Thanks mb20lover. Yes I am safe. Lovely to talk to you. I see we've been participating in some of the same threads. Will chat more soon.

[Guest_4643]

Hi Amanda, thanks. Nice to talk to you too. I'm glad you're safe.

[Supermum]

Hi ,

I find it immensely helpful to write down how I’m feeling and the intrusive thoughts I have. It makes them “ok” if you like . If I hold them in they build up and that’s when they spiral out of control and I find myself in a place I do not like to be.
It feels safer to express myself on here . Everyone understands and is supportive and I don’t feel judged where in life I feel judged all the time , by my family especially and work colleagues and even friends . The pull you socks ups , stiff upper lip mentality that have helpful or supportive seems to be the common phrase i here . So I shut up and hero my quiet and slowly stew.

I want to be with people that understand that I feel safe with. The only place this is really is an a inpatient .
My new psychiatrist is in too much of a hurry to get he out the door , I told him have to build trust first before I can open up to him . It took a long time with my prev psychiatrist. I miss her .

I see my psychologist on Thursday ... it’s been 6 weeks . Far too long really as I loose my way far too easily and just need to keep things ticking over to feel safe .

I hope you are keeping well and feeling safe .

lianne

[Supermum]

Hi Amanda ,

I can totally relate to what you have said . The hanging on , recovery mode then back to square one . I find myself wanting to either be at work so I can hide and then sleep when the family are around so I don’t have to face them ... to interact with them . I just want them to stop talking to me . Everything is an effort and I just want quiet

i hope your getting some support from

this group too x

[Supermum]

It makes me feel sad . That’s all Empty and sad