Emotionally, spiritually and physically tired

[Supermum]

Hello all, the last 2 and a half years have been exhausting and I feel like I am just living in an empty universe. I don’t want to talk to my family, my psychologist or anyone . I just want to be quiet and alone. Sometimes life is bearable and I love my children and feel more committed to living but other times I just want it to stop. For the silence and peace to begin. Would it be so awful for those around me to no longer have me in their lives as my constant up and down with sadness must be as tiring for them as it is for me. Things that used to help me focus and be grateful for small things don’t seem to snap me back into place and I just don’t want to do this anymore pure and simple.

[Supermum]

Hi the distractions work for a short while which is a blessing I guess. But you can’t stay occupied forever .

I just want an end I guess

[smallwolf]

Hi Lianne,

I hope this doesn't come through as odd...

You said your husband is not supportive and you think he wants you to fall.

Is this something you have spoken to him about? that is, telling him from your perspective. I am unsure of the sort of response you are looking for. It is something I have have had to chat with my wife about. This was because the sort of response I was looking for was something similar to that I would get from my psych - a way to work through the problem vs something else. And the thing is... The partner is not trained in listening and responding in the same way.

Remember, you are strong, Tim

[Supermum]

Hi Tim ,

If I try to talk to him he just gets angry ... it appears unless everything is hunky dory and managed by me so he has to think about very little or do very little he doesn’t want to be part of the solution.

The psychiatrist asked that more supportive and gave examples and told him that I keeping an eye on my medications etc would be helpful but he didn’t . It was if it never happened .

Im basically alone. Alone to help my daughter with meal support and her anorexia, alone to deal with all the emotional heartache and draining that comes with it . Just smile and carry on because the works doesn’t want to hear anything else but I’m fine and I’m coping .

[smallwolf]

If you don't mind me saying, here are some of your strengths and talents...

- fighting for yourself, a better you?
- determined
- open and honest
- care and support of daughter
- love of your daughter

and I am sure that there are many others ways that you have not mentioned. In all the things you are doing just for your daughter I would effect you emotionally.

And with everything you said I wonder how much free time you have to yourself?

The things I listed above shows a genuine person deserving and worthy of respect and support.

Are your feelings of failure then related to perfection? I had this conversation with my psychiatrist - how I am not allowed to make a mistake. She asked me - you are human? There is more to say but..

Anyway, hopefully you got something out of this

Tim

[Supermum]

Thank you Tim .

[quirkywords]

Supermum

I agree with your strengths that Tim has listed.

I would add you are willing to change

are resilient

have insight into your behaviour

are willing to be vulnerable.

There are many more people who read posts than comment and all your posts will help mothers in a similar position know they are not alone.

[Supermum]

There’s just no point . None at all .

[Supermum]

It’s not about being a mother or a wife . I can be mother, it’s tough but it’s the not the normal to feel the way I feel .

[Sophie_M]

Hey Supermum,

Thanks for reaching out tonight, we can hear you're feeling somewhat lost and hopelessness at the moment. We know that these emotions can be very difficult to sit with.  Please remember you can always reach out to our qualified mental health professionals day or night by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEDT on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. Our friends at Lifeline on 13 11 14 and the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 are also available to you 24/7. Thank you for continuing to seek support Supermum.

[Supermum]

I’m not going to bother reaching out anymore .