Emotionally, spiritually and physically tired

Supermum · ‎16-11-2020

Hello all, the last 2 and a half years have been exhausting and I feel like I am just living in an empty universe. I don’t want to talk to my family, my psychologist or anyone . I just want to be quiet and alone. Sometimes life is bearable and I love my children and feel more committed to living but other times I just want it to stop. For the silence and peace to begin. Would it be so awful for those around me to no longer have me in their lives as my constant up and down with sadness must be as tiring for them as it is for me. Things that used to help me focus and be grateful for small things don’t seem to snap me back into place and I just don’t want to do this anymore pure and simple.

Guest_4643 · ‎25-03-2021

I'm sorry Supermum, we're thinking of you. I hope it goes ok for you.

Sophie_M · ‎25-03-2021

Hi Supermum,

It's so great that you have accepted help and understand what your threshold is.

Please remember that you can Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 if things get too overwhelming before Monday.

Please keep checking in as much as you need.

quirkywords · ‎25-03-2021

Well done , to book in as an inpatient.

I realise this is so very hard for you.

I can understand that you would be despondent and detached .

You are trying so hard and coping with a lot of stress. I know you are pushing yourself to try things that are head.

Well done for booking into inpatient..

we are here to listen and offer support.

Supermum · ‎28-03-2021

Hi Tim

how are you and how are things going with you ?

lianne

smallwolf · ‎28-03-2021

Hi lianne,

It has been a better week for me if tiring. Trying to make sense of the last psychologist session. It was all about church and sin and belonging and other religions. Probably confused you there and is a story in itself and this is your story here.

How was the camping trip? Hope you were able to have a little fun and enjoyment.

At my worst I found little enjoyment in anything and could say I only had 2 states - OK and LOW. So I could go to an AFL match with my son and feel OK, and after watching the match reset to LOW. It was a bit like an ON/OFF switch but when switched ON the light was dim.

Depending on how long you (read I) have been living like this and/or how long not speaking about something will likely have an effect on how long it will take to change the pathways in our brains. And then part of that for me is finding stories to help me to move forward and that even steps of feeling low can be like moving forward. One of these stories is the TV series called Monkey (from the 80s) based on "journey to the west". While the series did not reach the goal (as far as I know) through the series they moved closer to their goal.

Not sure if you know about that TV show, or what stories might resonate with you? Or even whether stories are helpful for you. I guess what I am trying to say is to find "things" I can latch or grab onto so that I don't have that feeling of resetting so the journey start again.

If you will be an in-patient tomorrow... Please remember that wherever you are we are here with you and thinking of you, supporting you, helping you to keep going. It is another step forward in your journey in reclaiming yourself. You are making progress and the struggle is real. Remind yourself how strong you are in all of this.

And my hope will be there is a day when you will see a field full of sunshine and flowers. Well, that is my goal anyway.

Supermum · ‎18-05-2021

Hi Tim ,

Its been a while, I’m sorry if I was MIA .

RE :- Trying to make sense of the last psychologist session. It was all about church and sin and belonging and other religions.

Sounds heavy but interesting .

I understand the light switch analogy ... life often feels like a dimmer switch that is located in a different room from myself of which I feel often have little or no control .

RE I guess what I am trying to say is to find "things" I can latch or grab onto so that I don't have that feeling of resetting so the journey start again.

like an anchor point .... I like this idea .

I have been home a few weeks now, challenging and yet supporting with a dash of understanding. My husband lost his job so I am working extra shifts , I just feel like an ever ready bunny , just keeping going until your batteries run out, burnt out etc The psychologist in the hospital mentioned compassion and carers fatigue , and vicarious trauma along with burnout generally from my 4 year old self that hasn’t had their needs met or needs ignored or met sub standardly and now struggles in a double whammy of being a carer for my kids needs with an eating disorder as well as having a job as a nurse and juggling all that with life,bills etc etc .

I haven’t drank for 6 weeks which is difficult to say the least , no escape for me now ! Just face it head on.

so that’s life

Supermum · ‎18-05-2021

Hi Geoff ,

Sorry for being AWOL . I was an inpatient and now I’m just sorting out loose ends etc.

Sophie_M · ‎18-05-2021

Hi Supermum,

It sounds like you have had an incredibly difficult time recently with extra work as well as your family commitments. It can start to feel overwhelming when our lives get so full. Congratulations for making it to 6 weeks without a drink, you should be really proud of that as well.

Those things brought up by the psycholigist are really important to keep in mind and something that we think would be worthwhile talking to a professional about. If you want to talk about this, or want to know more about where else to get support, we think calling Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 is a great first step.

Welcome back to the forums and pelase feel free to keep us updated on how you are going. Thank you as well for showing such great courage in sharing your story with us.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

smallwolf · ‎19-05-2021

Hi. Long time no hear. Good to hear from you. And 6 weeks without drinking! Raising a glass of water to you.

It is funny that you mentioned talking to your psychologist about church. I had a similar chat with mine about a month ago. And that was after a chat with some clergy people I know. I won't go into detail here except to say that something I was taught so long ago was wrong and therefore I really had done nothing wrong. And that was something I had been carrying around with me for 30+ years. I hope you had some success.

Peace to you.

quirkywords · ‎20-05-2021

Supermum

thanks for your update and feedback and well done for 6 weeks with out a drink,

That would be so difficult by itself but on top of all your other responsibilities it is a credit to you that you managed and are managing without a drink.

I too like Tim’s idea of latching on to something like an anchor point or grabbing hold of something so we don’t feel so lost we have to start again.

I suppose one needs to work out what that anchor point is.

I wonder if writing helps you to make sense of what is going on in your life as I find you write honestly and have insights into your behaviour.

Take care