Do you see people differently after finding out about there suicide attempt?

[rainynight11]

When someone you know has had a suicide attempt, does it forever change how you see them? How does it affect you short term and long term as a friend or a family member of the person who attempted it and survived? I’m glad I’ve never been on the receiving end of it but it does worry me the affects I may have caused on the people who love me due to my past attempt. As a survivor, I do feel embarrassed and guilty for it.

[Learn to Fly]

Hi rainynight11,

Thank you so much for your post. You must be a pretty incredible person as you worry about your closest family and/or friends after your past suicidal attempts and how this might've affected them. This speaks volumes about your love and care for them, as well as your sense of responsibility.
In my honesty, I don't know anybody who would be a survivor of a suicide attempt. I am not even going to say how I imagine how I would feel because this is always a very individual and personal experience.

However, how would you feel about talking to the people whom you are worried about and telling them how concerned you are about them, how you love them, and want to know how do they feel about your previous suicide attempts? This might not be an easy conversation but sometimes this is what is needed. A catharsis for all involved. To express the feelings but also to clarify some things, and gain reassurance. Reassurance might be needed as much by them, as by you.

Thank you again for your courage to send us your post. Much appreciated.

[Croix]

Dear Rainynight11~

I guess the most important thing to say right off is those people that know you will at first react, but people's attitudes will change.

Can I give you an example from another field? I first met someone who later became a very good long-term friend, and all I could basically see was the fact that this person was in a wheelchair. Straight away there were things to be done, wheeling this person around, feeding them and other chores too. I was worried I'd upset the chair on steps, that any coffee I made might be too hot and lots of other things.

As I got used to this my friend was all I saw. The chores were no big deal, the wheelchair disappeared from my mind. Now, they stayed in the chair, you on the other hand may most probably change in the future and no longer have times when you wish to take your life - I do hope so.

Now suicide is as far from many people's lives as wheelchairs were from mine, and when someone who is close attempts to take their life then there are all sorts of reactions, it's a strange country after all.. There is probably a feeling of confusion as to what to do, worry any action might make things worse, maybe guilt they did not do enough, and uncertainty as to what to say to the person. Plus of course fear of losing that person.

People do of course act differently.

Anyone who cares will find out that their role is a lot less difficult than they thought - if not you tell them! Just being there, listening and showing care is most often enough. As time goes on and people become used to things, like my friend, you will be seen for you, not simply as a person who made an attempt.

So don't worry, for any decent person around you it ends up fine. Plus you may have an additional resource. You maybe can tee up with someone to be able to talk with them if you go though hard times again.

As an example someone who knows you well may be able to assist you in filling in the free Safety App I recommend - BeyondNow

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning

I was hopeless at filling it in by myself, but now it is set up I find it good.

I could go on for a long time about this but will simply say there is no more reason for you to feel guilty and ashamed than someone who gets malaria from a mosquito bite - it happens and you did not choose it to happen

Does any of this make sense?

Croix

[Petal22]

Hi rainynight11,

Im sorry that you attempted but I’m really glad that your attempt failed and you are still here to live your best life.

For me If some one I knew attempted suicide I think I would feel more loving and attached to the person who attempted because I’d want them to know how loved they are and that I am always here to support them.

I wouldn’t want the person to feel embarrassed or guilty I’d just want them to feel the love that they need to heal ❤️🙏

[geoff]

Hello Rainynight, if I can put this back on yourself, yes there were many people I thought were friends that I lost contact with, may be they didn't know what they could say or do and vanished into the background.

If however, it was a friend/family member then I would make myself available to them, to contact me straight away for help at any ime of the day/night.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Chris_Tas]

Not in the slightest.

I've tried multiple times.

In fact it's the opposite.

You will gain more respect by being honest.

[rainynight11]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I was worried about being seen as the person who made an attempt. I’ve noticed that most people do treat me the same. It’s not something that’s really talked about but some people do ask how I’m going with the professional support I’m receiving. The professional support has actually been a big help to me. And they check how I’m going in General. The hospital gave me a card with different palaces that I can contact if am experiencing a crisis. And told me if I ever feel that way again, to just ring the ambulance and they will come and get me, rather then attempting it again. My support person I’ve been given for a couple of months is also great. She helped me do the Safety App which I have used. She also, mentioned this forum to me. It’s still to early days for me to feel comfortable asking about how the attempted has affected them. They do know what led me to do it though and that there is nothing they could have done to prevent it. There is one person that has became annoying worried about me though. I find it uncomfortable when she tries to interfere with the treatment I’m receiving. Because I’m not very open about my therapy sessions, I think that has caused her to become worried. She wants me to go else where for treatment, to a place she recommends. Other supports became available before the one she wanted me to do became available. Im not going chuck away all my current supports and start all over again. That would be to hard for me. Plus I am comfortable with the people involved who are helping me. I do feel a bit betrayed by that same person as she has told people about my attempt with out asking me first. It is because she cares why she can be a bit pushy. Croix, I liked your example of your friend in a wheelchair. I use to have a friend in a wheelchair who has since passed away. Over time, I didn’t even notice there wheelchair anymore and also noticed that the chores where no big deal. I just saw them as a friend also.

[Croix]

Dear Rainynight11~

You sound as if you have things pretty well in hand, and I'm very pleased indeed your support worker and professional support sounds on the ball and that they 'click' with you.

Can I mention you do not have to tell many people about your experiences? I've only told two or three over a long period. Other friends know I've had hassles but we've never gone into details.

If I'm down I'll contact those friends for a light chat, nothing about my problems. It's only the very few I've taken into my confidence I'll talk frankly with, confident in the knowledge they are not going to overreact or make silly suggestions. For a start they respect my judgment.

That friend you mention sounds a right trial. It may well be concern is behind it all - but sadly no consideration. Then again it does sound like overreaction and trying to 'fix' everything herself. Not what you need at all.

No of course she should not have mentioned you to others, and without taking what you say seriously (you are the expert on you after all) is ready to try to get you to throw away all you've gained.

I've very glad you have seen though this and are staying with your current setup.

Funny we both had good friends in wheelchairs, mine was one of my confidants before he passed away.

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Rainynight, it can be awkward who you decide to tell, may be a close friend, but this person wants other people to know which is against what you want to happen, and even those who say they won't tell anyone but in a conversation tell their friend and tell them not to say a word, is difficult to trust those friends who you believe would only care about what's happened, rather than open their mouth to others.

There would only be one or two people who would keep this quiet and these people you can trust.

Geoff.

[rainynight11]

I definitely do think it’s an overreaction, especially now since I’m getting lots of help, and more help coming my way. I could understand if I wasn’t receiving any help or if I was unhappy with the help I am receiving. I didn’t really want to tell her about the attempt, but new she would worry if she couldn’t get in contact with me or if she felt I was avoiding her. I felt I had to since I didn’t know how long I would be in hospital for. The two other people I’ve told have kept it to them self and are happy that I’m excepting the help. It’s not something I wanted everyone to find out about. My neighbour saw me get taken away that night by the ambulance and heard the ambulance asking me all thoughts of questions. My neighbours are not nice people, they are bullies. I have heard them telling there friends about that night. Thankfully, the attempt isn’t something they bully me about. Basically, everyone knows now, even though I only told 3 people and didn’t want to tell anyone else.