Dear New Member~
I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum, a good move on you part as if you look around you may find others that have had to cope wiht similar problems.
I'll start out by saying I have no experience of bipolar so will not relate to all you are going though. I can relate to medication that does not work and other people simply not having the experience to understand - even if they care and have good intent.
Your disassociation experiences do ring a bell. When my depression has been at its worst I've been separated from myself, really have no idea what the reasons are for what I'm doing and not idea of my feelings - if any. I did not know if I loved anyone , or even if I was capable of love.
It was as if I was standing on the other side of a large darkened glass pane, me on one side and my body acting on the other. I was freighted at the time, and just as frightened I'd go down into that state. Nobody could reason or comfort me or even offer love.
I am better now, though it has taken time, and my current medication stops these events from happening , in fact I'm a different person, and happy with life. Lots of meds trialed before I arrived at the right combination, however wiht persistence (and a cooperative psych) it is very possible.
I'd like ot mention in passing the thread "This Bipolar Life" which is exceedingly long and has talk between people wiht that conditon. You may find to start with some of the conversations do not seem directly related, however I'm sure they will understand if you introduce yourself and talk with them - even ask advice if you wish.
There are some here who understand, and as I've found, life can get a whole lot better
Croix
