Can't face losing my cat

[AnnaMac]

I'm afraid of being laughed at because she's 'just' a cat, but she's kept me going for the last 7 years since we found her. My whole day happens around her - I can get up because she's there and she puts me to bed at night. She's been my mother, sister, friend, child - my everything. Now it looks like she has cancer and I'm terrified of the emptiness when she goes. The nights are the worst; I can't stop crying and I'm so sad and miserable that I just want to end it. I have PMDD so my depression gets very bad for one to two weeks of the month and I think constantly about suicide even on a 'good' month. I'm very lucky to have a boyfriend who's incredibly good, but I don't know how to cope with this loss. I'm afraid that the person I am on the bad weeks will undo me.

[Sophie_M]

Dear AnnaMac  

We really appreciate you coming to our forum to share with the community and find some assistance. It takes great strength and courage to write about such personal struggles, and we’re sure you will find this a very helpful and supportive community.  

We are so sorry to hear about your beloved cat and understand completely the heartache you would be feeling. We form such strong bonds with our pets, so it’s normal to be feeling this immense grief as you consider her loss. We can hear the love you have for her and she has clearly been such a precious and significant part of your life.  

We are sorry to hear that you are struggling with constant thoughts of suicide and we’d encourage you to call 000 if you feel unable to keep yourself from acting on these thoughts.   Other phone services include: Lifeline: 13 11 14 Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467 Beyond Blue Support Service: 1300 22 4636  

Thank you again for joining our forum, and please remember that we are here to support you.  

Warm regards,  

Sophie M.

[NoUseForAName]

Hi AnnaMac

I’m so sorry to hear about your cat - I’m going through the exact same thing! Today found out about the Lymphoma. Imagining life without them is devastating.

I know very well they are not ‘just cats’ they are our everything! I understand your words on people’s judgement - I too worry about that and sometimes keep my grief quiet in the face of other people’s ‘more legitimate grief’ (silly to think that way but I do).

I lost Gretel’s brother in Aug 2021 very suddenly and it was one of the worst days. There is a lot of pain but there is still love.

I’m not sure if you’re looking for words of comfort, words of advice or just words…I’m happy to offer anything that may help.

For now I will send you warm thoughts and comfort as you move through this hard time. I’m moving through it right alongside you and here if you need an ear - even as a complete stranger.

Take care.

[yggdrasil]

Hi AnnaMac,

Thank you so much for posting on here. No one will ever laugh or negatively judge the way you're feeling on here. I think lots of people will relate to the way you feel about your cat, and it will help others experiencing similarly intense grief to read about your situation. Thank you also for talking about PMDD. I have a couple of friends who also suffer from this, but it's hard for them to talk about it. Sharing as you have could really help others who might read your post.

First, for the times when things become really unbearable, the numbers Sophie_M provided above may be helpful. I have called all three multiple times in the past when I've been in really dark places, and found they can help me through. I have also found de-escalation techniques, like naming objects in the room, repeating simple mantras like "hail Mary...", or doing something physical, helpful to short-circuit extreme cycles of thought and emotion.

I suspect you'll already be aware of this, but talking to your GP about your situation may also help, as GPs can set up "mental health care plans" which give you access to up to 20 free sessions with a psychologist per year. It can take a long time, but speaking regularly with a psych can help you gradually work out preventative and crisis management strategies. Also, by talking to your GP, you could potentially explore meds if that's a strategy you're interested in.

If you're really worried about coping with the loss, and find you can't get on top of your thoughts, you might also speak to your GP and/or psych about "in-patient" settings like PARCs. These are not psych wards: you're completely free and autonomous at a PARC. Instead, PARCs are like something between a share house and a hotel that you live in with other people experiencing mental distress. Also present are mental health nurses and peer support workers, with other health professionals like psychiatrists and social workers visiting periodically. Participants rotate cooking the evening meal, shopping, and basic housework, and these simple activities help maintain a sense of routine, order and autonomy. There are also activities like gardening, art and music you can do alone or with others going through similar things, and this can be very therapeutic. I've attended two different PARCs in the past, and found both helpful.

There is lots more to say, but hopefully some of the above will be useful for you. Take care, and sorry for your loss.