Can people really get better?

[Soouez]

I am 54 yrs of age and I have suffered with a mental illness since I was 21 yrs of age. I just have a question. Can you really get better? Has anyone on here gotten better? I have been wondering lately what hope is there and why am I working so hard for something that is not achievable. I am safe today but not always. If you knew me you wouldn't think here is a lady with suicidal thoughts. I am good at hiding how I feel to protect others feelings. I have professional support but it doesn't help. I would probably say that the psychologist appointments make me feel worse. I have seen loads so don't really see the point in trying another and going through my story again. I just want to know, from other sufferers, if there really is some hope. Thank you for reading. 

[smallwolf]

Hello and welcome.

Thank you for sharing your story. You're strong for reaching out, and I want you to know that you're not alone in feeling this way. I've also been on this journey for a "while", and like you, I've struggled with wondering if things will ever truly get better.

While I wish I could answer your post with a "yes" ... the truth is that for me, it's been less about getting better and more about finding a way to accept things as they are. That sucks! It's a difficult path, but I've found some peace in letting go of the expectation that I need to be "fixed" or that life needs to look a certain way.

There are still hard days, and the weight of it all can be overwhelming, but I've learned to focus on small moments of calm and self-compassion. And I can also hope for better times ahead,

You deserve kindness, especially from yourself.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi and welcome Soouez,

I can say from my own experience that it is possible to improve. I’ve found that improvement is not necessarily a linear trajectory and I’ve certainly fallen in holes along the way. But I have made substantive improvements that have changed how I am within myself.

I’ve had complex trauma issues from the beginning of life but was only diagnosed with complex ptsd recently (I’m 49 now). I’ve had anxiety and depression that are a direct result from being stuck in that ptsd state. I found standard talk therapy couldn’t really significantly shift anything. I ended up going down the path of doing somatic work with a clinical psych and that works better for me. So it hasn’t really been about telling my story over and over (I did that before with previous therapists). Instead, it had been about starting with where the body is at and beginning the healing process from there. My trauma experiences started preverbally and precognitively, so I needed to begin from that primal place. I still share stories with my psychologist, but the significant change has come through the body and somatic work in the presence of an empathetic therapist who is attuned to the kind of interpersonal presence required for that work (what is called co-regulation).

That is just my perspective and each person has their own unique journey. But I guess what I can take from it was I needed to think out of the box to get somewhere and just keep exploring and researching until I found an approach that connected with me. I’ve still got heaps of work to do. I’m by no means totally healed, but I’m on the right path now. It’s still really hard at times but I am much more empowered to manage the challenges I have and to know a brighter future is possible.

I hope maybe that gives you some hope. Sometimes when one approach isn’t working after trying it multiple times, it can help to explore by casting your net widely. You can treat it as a quest to find answers which in itself can make the process of healing more of an adventure rather than a painful chore. I found maintaining curiosity and enjoying the process of learning is what has kept me going and opened up new doors for me.

I echo smallwolf in saying that kindness towards yourself is so important. I have had to learn to be my own carer and protector, something I didn’t really know how to do before. The more I can activate this in me, the better I’m finding my mental health becomes.

Take good care,

Eagle Ray

[therising]

Hi Soouez

I think how I've come to reword things over the years has helped in some ways, when it comes to managing my mental wellbeing. Just a few examples

Changing 'Will I ever get better?' to 'Will I ever get better at _____?'. It's a fill in the blank kind of question. Will I ever get better at or become somewhat expert at

• understanding how I think?
• understanding how other people impact me?
• managing my inner dialogue?
• managing how I feel?
• researching, finding and implementing certain strategies or practices that work for me?

and the list goes on. The answer would be 'Yes', depending on where and how our education's gained.

Changing 'I don't know how I feel' to 'I don't understand how I'm designed to feel'. If we're designed to feel partly through our nervous system and other energy systems in the body (endocrine, vascular, muscular etc), then I suppose that's partly how we're going to feel our experiences, our thoughts, our memories, our inner dialogue etc. This is something Eagle Ray touches on regarding somatic work. We'll also feel through our chemistry and whatever it's doing at any given time. Too much of a certain type of chemistry or chemical reaction, too little (a significant lack) or what's just right can be felt. Then there's how we naturally feel. While experts can name a whole variety of chemical elements that lead us to feel a sense of joy, a sense of sadness and more, if we're sensitive people then we're going to naturally sense those things. Then the question can become 'Why am I sensing such emotions (energies in motion), ones I can actually feel?'.

Changing 'Why am I so depressed/anxious?' to 'What is this challenge really about?'. Personally, this one's been a major game changer for me over the years. Could it be about addressing the challenges that can come with depressing/anxiety inducing inner dialogue? Could it be about addressing the challenges brought about by people in life who can be triggering in depressing/anxiety inducing ways? Could it be about addressing complex challenges that can come with past hurts, traumas or unresolved issues? Could it be about addressing challenges associated with chemical imbalances, nervous system issues, ways of thinking, belief systems or something else that can be depressing/anxiety inducing? Could the challenge be about coming to better understand certain depressing or anxiety inducing facets of self while also maybe bringing some new and  much needed facet to life? The list goes on. If depression or anxiety are side effects, what are they side effects of? What are we being challenged to get to the bottom of? In the school of hard knocks, we have the potential to graduate through our challenges. Personally, I've found the best guides/teachers to be key. Not so good or questionable ones can be felt as depressing.