Bipolar Diagnosis and Treatment

[Badluck]

Hi.  I've been with beyondblue for about 10 years.  I myself am diagnosed with PTSD, Depression and Anxiety issues.

I recently married and found out my wife has a severe form of depression and anxiety.  To the point she has suicidal thoughts, sits in the corner of a dark room rocking back and forth crying, will throw tantrums on the floor, and generally cannot be talked to whilst she is going through these moments.  When she is done usually many hours later or the following day she will apologise profusely and say that was not her saying and doing all those things.

It has happened in hotels, shopping centres, and in the street.  Grabbing hold of me dragging herself on the ground.  When she is having an episode in a room I try and talk to her and to calm her down and ask what's going on, but she grabs hold of me and won't get out of my personal space. 

This is where additional problems lie.  With my anxiety issues and PTSD I can't stand someone to be in my personal space generally not letting me get away. It flicks a switch in me.  I just want to be left alone when this is happening.  But you can imagine being late at night in a hotel in a foreign country you have nowhere to go and don't really want to leave her alone at the same time in case she harms herself.

My psychiatrist has advised that I walk away from her no matter where I am.  It's easier said than done though.  One time it happened while I was driving. She remained suicidal and full of blame about me treating her poorly and leaving her in the middle of nowhere. I can't win.

So after that very long introduction, my thoughts are that she has severe bipolar.  Maybe some people can help chime in if I am incorrect.  Not a medical diagnosis I know but she will not go to a medical professional because her culture deems it inappropriate to do so. And I can't force her.

Is there anyone with my similar PTSD etc condition that has had to deal with a Bipolar person. I'm curious how you tackled your mental health issues whilst addressing their loved ones issue?

[Sophie_M]

Hey Badluck, 

Thank you for sharing this here. We're sorry to hear how difficult things have been recently. It sounds like a complicated situation, but it’s clear you are really trying to support her, alongside managing your PTSD and anxiety issues.

It’s really important to consider your own wellbeing through something like this. It's good to hear that you’ve spoken to your psychiatrist. We wondered if you might consider also speaking to our counsellors here at the Beyond Blue Support Service? We’re reaching out to you privately, or you can connect with us directly on 1300 22 4636, or via online chat.

We can hear you’ve been worried about her safety at points. That must be distressing, we’re sorry to hear that. Whenever you feel like someone may be at risk of immediate harm, please call a crisis line like Lifeline 13 11 14 or Triple Zero (000) if life is in danger. 

We can hear that the personal space issues are difficult. It could be useful to explore how you can both stay safe in these situations, perhaps by walking away, as you have suggested. To get some support with this, we’d recommend reaching out to our friends at SANE, 1800RESPECT or Mensline – they’re really good to talk to and may be able to offer some practical advice, and give you a chance to get this off your chest.  

Thank you again for sharing this here. It might take some time for our kind community to spot your post, but we’re sure they will soon be here to offer their kind words and understanding.  

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[therising]

Hi Badluck

I think it's hard to know what triggers a certain aspect of someone. With you facing the challenges of anxiety, depression and PTSD, I imagine you've been able to work out some of your key triggers, while some still remain unrecognised. Finding them out as you go along is a challenge in itself, meeting with a whole new individual trigger while having to gain a better sense of it. Such ongoing hard work.

Being somewhat of a mind/body/soul kind of gal, I've come to see switches flicked from a mental perspective, a physical or chemical one (nervous system, surges in the endocrine system, chemical deficiency tipping points, electrical surges or misfiring in the brain etc) and even a soulful perspective (a sudden nature changing flick of a switch). When a switch flicks, it brings something to life. The question is 'What?'

Being a major researcher of sorts, I came across a book in my travels that led me to see things from a unique perspective. Called 'Insanely Gifted', by Jamie Catto, it speaks about the many different facets of self. Which facet of self is triggered to life at any time depends on the circumstances. So you could say if there is an aspect of who we are that experiences overwhelming fear and pure dread, once it's triggered you'll know it. That facet has a set of behaviours, a set of emotions, certain ways of perceiving things and a certain way of being managed. Once it's managed, a different facet will come into play. Perhaps it will be the inner analyst, who goes on to analyse the hell out of what just happened. Maybe it will be the inner sage that insists 'Stop thinking about it and just breathe'. All have different behaviours, different emotions and different ways of seeing things. 

If your wife says it's not her saying and doing all those things, maybe the question is 'What part or facet of her is saying and doing all those things and what is it that brings that part of her to life all of a sudden? 

Personally, I'm easily triggered by what I feel. For example, if I've been tolerating people's angering behaviour for weeks, I can feel my tipping point into a sudden and overwhelming sense of intolerance. Typically this will trigger the intolerant cow in me to come to life with some sort of fury. To others I appear as not being myself but, in reality, the intolerant cow in me is a facet of me I have to manage carefully. If I don't manage this part of me, it will burn bridges, spew out profanities that would lead many to gasp and get so worked up to the point where it changes my blood pressure.

As Catto expresses, every facet of self has a point of origin. It is born out of something (either our nature or circumstances).

You're a good person and a good partner doing your best under the circumstances. Take care of yourself, as pure exhaustion can become incredibly depressing. We need enough energy with which to feel life.

[Badluck]

Hi.

Thankyou for your response.  It's a great topic that you bring up.  I understand when you are talking about your negative side in you.  I've got the same and am very aware of that side of me.  Sad part is the older i get the harder it is to contain that side.  That's the reason why i choose to be super isolated most of the time as i dread being disliked by people and once i lose control of the negative side of me its too hard to reel it back in. 

You got me interested in that book so i will see if my local library has it or can get it in. 

I have some good news.  My wife decided she will go see a doctor which she did. 

She completed a bipolar depression test and sent to the doctor and is trying to get blood tests to see if anything is wrong. 

In the meantime I'm giving her space and just gentle questions to ask her how she is progressing with it. 

Bad thing is the doctor she chose doesn't seem to be too progressive in his methods or even seems to care too much.  Not the best start but hoping for the best. 

[therising]

Hi Badluck

I'm so glad you and your wife have made some progress when it comes to the way forward, with her going to see the doctor. If what you sense is right and he's not all that progressive or enthusiastic, a push for significant progress and care might be the call or perhaps a different doctor. Definitely worth keeping an eye on. Also doesn't hurt to trust what you feel until you're proven wrong.

I think perhaps every facet of us has an opposing nature. Our inner analyst can oppose our inner feeler. From one extreme to the other, the pure analyst in us will analyse logically without any feeling (pure analysis through emotional detachment). The pure feeler can present without an ounce of logic. When balanced, we can analyse what we feel and feel what we're analysing. Our inner rager can oppose the inner sage. The stresser can oppose the carefree aspect of who we are. A fearful facet of us can oppose the completely fearless go getter. One of the toughest things to do can involve exercising and strengthening an opposing nature while finding some sense of balance. It can be like the sage keeping the reigns on our intolerant sense of self. Often, when rising quick to anger, there may be something in us that dictates 'Calm down' or 'Just walk away' or 'Don't say something you'll regret'. I think just about everyone has that little voice in their head that directs them to do one thing or another ('Go for it', 'You got this', 'You can't do this alone, you need to speak to someone' etc etc). The question becomes 'What part of us is dictating the best way forward at any given time?'.

I can relate to what you say about feeling the need to avoid situations that are triggering, especially as we get older and want to stop tolerating a whole stack of rubbish. Some situations/environments/people are definitely best managed by staying away from them. They're simply intolerable. With other situations/environments/people, I've found it can be about testing theory through practice (far from easy to do at times). If my theory is 'I can manage that person's intolerable behaviour, strategically', I have to put myself in testing situations so I can practice strategies, to find what works and what doesn't. I tell you what, yesterday was definitely a test. When I left the room I was in, to vent (long and angry breaths out, which was one strategy), strategy 2 involved trusting and following what came to mind 'Do not tolerate one more triggering comment from that person. Put a stop to it'. When I returned, the person apologised, having sensed how upsetting their behaviour actually was. If emotion is energy in motion, I still had to manage some residual energy. Strategy 3 involved shifting focus to getting a feel for a different emotion. So much conscious strategy involved in managing our feelings, thoughts and nervous system at times. Pays to take well deserve time out when it comes to the practice and hard work involved in self mastery🙂

[Badluck]

TheRising you did well to contain your feelings with deep breathing and had courage to reenter the room.  It's something i am yet to master.  I get this over whelming sense of fear within me when it happens to me.  Used to have hands that trembled and i would hold both my hands together to hide the shaking. 

Now my entire body with legs, arms, chest and sometimes teeth will shake or chatter making it extremely obvious to those around me making me feel like a freak. 

I find it hard to put sentences together without stuttering even though I've never stuttered before.  Anger at this time becomes more prone and i actually deep breathe in front of whoever is causing me issues.  

When I'm not anxious I'm quite well spoken and feel like a totally opposite person. 

I spend over half an hour a day doing deep breathing exercises but it's not helping.  Been doing it for almost 2 years. 

My wife is not the only one with issues which is why i understand her situation so well right now. 

Today stresses have gotten so bad that my 7 months with no alcohol will have to be broken.  I need a release from this anxiety and if i don't get a glass of something my negative thoughts will take over too much. 

When you spend the day having uncontrollable tears flowing as a grown man when noone is around to provoke you, then you know something is wrong.  

Appreciate the chat. 

[Sophie_M]

Hey Badluck, 

Thanks for sharing this update. We can hear it's been an incredibly difficult time, but it's so good that you could share here, and make this connection with therising.

We hope you don't mind us popping in, we just wanted to offer some support and ideas for coping with anxiety and stress when you're trying to avoid alcohol. It sounds like it could be really good to discuss this with are our friends at Counselling Online, who have some really good resources on avoiding alcohol here: Making a Change. Other community members have previously mentioned Daybreak, the app, to be a useful resource. You can find out more about this here. 

There’s also the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636, or on webchat if you’d prefer to speak to our counsellors here. 

Thanks both of you for holding such a powerful conversation here. You never know who is reading this and feeling less alone because of it.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[therising]

Hi Badluck

Sometimes I think of how nice it would be if some miraculous person appeared on my doorstep announcing 'I have the answers to your problems. I can tell you exactly why you think, feel and act the way you do. I can show you the way forward in a way that would blow your mind and lead you to live a life in the flow'. I've found it works in the opposite way, unfortunately. We gotta go out looking for that, finding that source in the form of a number of different people/resources. It becomes like a patchwork quilt of self discovery, self understanding and what works, with still plenty of gaps to be filled.

Just to complicate matters, what works one day or under some circumstances may not work the next day or under different circumstances. It's like with the venting of unwanted energy (anger or anxiety) looking like long controlled breaths out, resembling repetitive sighing, this may not work in other stressful or angering circumstances. If I combine that with my imagination, what works may be me imagining something resembling black smoke. Breathing it out until it gradually becomes lighter and clearer in my mind can make some difference. Basically, whatever works will end up calming my nervous system. Whenever I find something that works in the way of managing my thoughts, inner dialogue, feelings and behaviour, it goes into my basket of goodies. Should add, what no longer works has to be removed from that proverbial basket. To be 'a collector of what works' is an identity we should be proud of, based on collecting being such hard work.

Over time, I've found what I'd regard as one of my most underutilised resources. It's become a major resource in my collection. It's my imagination. Whether I meditate on imaginary black smoke or whether I'm imagining what comes to mind as some sort of positive constructive guidance coming from an 'inner sage' aspect of self, so be it. The inner sage in us doesn't have to be real, we just have to imagine it is. Then when we imagine it is and what comes to mind is 'You can no longer manage this on your own. You need help', it's basically about paying attention to what feels like some form of constructive guidance. Hope that makes sense.

The imagination is far from being a simple thing. Inventors have invented with it, wars have been started through it, civil rights have come about thanks to it and it is the foundation upon which empires have been built (from a simple dream of what could be). And as the placebo effect points to its physical impact, the imagination remains an undeniably powerful life changing thing. 'How to use it?' becomes the question.