A somewhat Positive Achievement

[Eclipse0433]

Hi everyone,
I just wanted to share a somewhat important milestone for myself. A few days ago I went to a GP to get a mental health plan done. This was huge for me as I have a fear of doctors and feel like I don't deserve help. While I experienced some of the highest anxiety levels in my life leading up and on the day of my GP visit it went relatively ok. The GP I saw was respectful and understanding of mental health which is rare within the medical field. Also just a random question but has anyone done the dass 21 assessment? How did u find it? I think as a mental health assessment it isn't too bad.

The plan for myself is to start the process to go to a headspace clinic. This is inevitably going to be a long process as the wait times are always long (I have been to headspace before when I was younger). While this is not their fault as they do their best while fighting a difficult battle, it is hard knowing I will have to continue to fight my battle alone for a while longer. I know this sounds selfish as there are people going through worse things. To complicate things where I live we have gone back into lockdown (I am sure u will all figure out which state I am in so hello to my fellow West Aussies). While it is only 5 days and I both understand and respect the need for this lockdown (we have to do our best to protect the vulnerable and each other), it does mean my wait for headspace will be even longer. I know this sounds selfish as there are bigger things going on but I am really struggling.

Anyways enough about me. While I have the energy to write up a post I just want to apologise for not offering more support to everyone in this online community. I find that whenever I go to type a response or offer support it just doesn't sound right. I worry about saying the wrong thing. So while I may not respond, I promise that I see u, I hear u and I support u.

[Eclipse0433]

Oh just realised I didn't respond to your question Jstar49. I am pretty lucky in the sense that I have a pretty supportive family. In most aspects of my life they support me and provide me with advice. However, unfortunately my parents don't really understand mental health. It is not their fault , how can u understand something u haven't been through. I don't feel comfortable talking to them about my mental health and they know very little about my current situation. They don't even know that I engage in SH. Which is actually going to prove to be a big problem this week. I would go into more detail if there was a way I could word what was going on without possibly breaking community rules. They don't know that every second of every day at the moment feels like a struggle.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Eclipse0433,

We're really sorry to hear how much you've been struggling with these intense thoughts and feelings, and understand that it must be incredibly tough to be keeping these feelings bottled up inside, and feeling unable to open up to your family. You've shown so much courage and have been so proactive in seeking help from your GP, and we can hear how disheartenening it must have been when your session yesterday did not go as you'd hoped. Many in our community will also be able to relate and understand how difficult this process can be in finding the right support that works for you, but we'd urge you not to give up. We think it would really help to talk these feelings and experiences through with the kind counsellors at Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 or through online chat at: www.kidshelpline.com.au Our Support Service can also be a really great help in assisting you to find other services that may be suitable for you around your area- you can call 24/7 on 1300 22 3636 or reach out through online chat: www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support

It sounds like you have a really stressful week approaching, but please know that support is always available to you whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with. We'd really urge you to reach out to our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) who are always there for you, 24/7, during difficult moments like these.

We're all here to help support you through this Eclipse.
 


 

[Guest_4643]

Hi Eclipse0433, I'm sorry you're dealing with a lot.

I know how you feel, Headspace treated me horribly. I think some Headspaces may be good, others may be bad.

You're not alone, I'm struggling with finding a Psychologist too, and yes it is underfunded.

Thinking of you.

[Eclipse0433]

Hi everyone,
Any advice on how to tell parents u SH??? I have created a situation in which it is nearly impossible to hide my SH and as such I either need to tell them or they will figure it out (at least I think they will). Any advice will be appreciated I am very scared about telling them and I am just really anxious today.

[Croix]

Dear Eclipse0433~

One of the very best ways to reduce the number of times you self harm is to have someone you can talk to right at the moment it seems you are going to do it and there is nothing to stop you.

That talk can be a very general one about something else -and that will help a bit. The best sort will be where the other person understands the situation and is there to listen, not fix, not offer suggestions, just listen and really care about you.

There's some info for you and your parents in:

https://resources.beyondblue.org.au/prism/file?token=BL/1302

Perhaps one way might be to send them that link -or print it out. It has something for you, and something for them. Hand it over and say/write you are very frightened about how they will react. Give them time, explain what I have just said above, and see what happens.

A second Beyond Blue page is more addressed to you:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/feeling-suicidal/self-harm-and-self-injur...

There are other places and groups not mentioned in this thread as yet, They work with you.

However having people that love you help shoulder the load is worth all the worry and something you can do for yourself. I'd not like to have to tell either if I was in your position, mine was suicide and I did not tell until far too late. I was a mess. Now I'm very OK..

Neither of those links above is the answer long term, that comes from finding the right therapist and reducing the feelings that make you need to cope.

Yes, I realise this is not easy too do and you have has some setbacks already, however good help is out there , just a question of finding it.

The difference is I guess you have to keep starting the ball rolling, because it can really help a lot and assist you change your life.

If the telling parents seems impossible, would you like to list out their possible reactions (or just one parent if that is easier) and maybe we can talk about each of those things.

Parents get frightened and overreact, it's only natural, but can overcome their fears if they feel they have some control and not lose a child, - and listening when you are having a crisis is one form of control you can all benefit from.

Please come back after you have had a chance to think on this and maybe include that list.

I hope to talk with you some more.

Croix

[Jstar49]

Hi Eclipse,

Firstly, thanks for answering my qu. re: your family and support.

It sounds like this aspect of your life is really stressing you out. It's hard if you feel you cannot open up to your folks, or if you feel they don't understand. I'm not sure how old they might be but communication is a big part of the difficulty with many parents- lack of ability or experience talking about subjects that used to be taboo- sex, mental health issues, domestic violence. It's the younger generation which is really leading these conversations!

But first and foremost you probably need to protect yourself, to some extent, and only talk to ppl who you can trust, and who can help. If thats not your parents, then it may be necessary to only tell them what you need to, or else you have that difficulty on top of everything else.

As for telling parents about you SH, I don't know if there's a good way, or a bad way. It's up to your parents how they react. Thats not your problem. And if they react badly, maybe you can give them some info and give them some time to consider it, before talking again.

My daughter told me in the car, when I was probably making some comment on how well she was coping with life events. We were nearly home, and when we got home she ran to her bedroom. It took me some time to get my head around the whole thing, and when we made an appt at headspace I had a chance to speak with her counsellor, which really helped me. She put it into perspective for me. My daughter continued with her counsellor, but most of that process I was excluded from, which was hard, but it was her choice.

She is now doing really well, and has a boyfriend, and friends, a stable job, and has just finished studying.

This is your life Eclipse, and I know it's really scary right now, but you can do this. You can get help, and overcome the temptation to hurt yourself and your beautiful body.

Maybe, even tho the appointment with your therapist didn't go very well, maybe there is one positive you can take home from it....? Apart from to find someone else 😉

I'm very glad you popped in to tell us how you're going.

Big hugs,

J*

[Eclipse0433]

Hi thank u so much for responding to my post! Not going to lie it has been rough the past few days as I have continued to SH. I guess I have many worries about telling my parents. But firstly if I was going to tell my parents it would be my mum. I haven't told them yet as I have managed to lie to cover it up the last few days.

I guess these are the following ways I worry my mum will react:

anger- I feel like she may get angry and not understand why I SH. I feel like she may say its stupid and why do u do it when u have life so good.

avoidance- I feel like she might just ignore it and act as though it didn't happen. This would destroy me as I really need help.

Downplaying- I feel like she might not take me seriously and think it is just a phase. Or not grasp the seriousness of it.

Disgust- I feel she might be disgusted by what I am doing.

Sadness- I feel like she might cry and get upset (which is natural) but it will make me feel really guilty.

Panic- I feel like she may panic and not know what to do.

These are just some of the ways I worry she will react.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Eclipse0433,

We can hear that you're really concerned about opening up to your mum about self harming. It might be worth taking a look at our page for tips on how to broach the subject with your mum -
“Talk about it"

We hear that your plan was to get in touch with Headspace. We would recommend that you do do this if you still can. They also have a group chat on their webpage, and may even have some extra tips on how to open up to your mum.

Thanks for keeping us updated on how you're going here. 

 

[Croix]

Dear Eclipse0433~

I liked your last post, it shows you have already decided who would be the most suitable parent -your mum. That's a step.

You put a fair bit of thought into those reactions, and came up with a pretty complete list. You have also had Sophie_M give you a couple of places where you might talk about them.

You did not mention the best though, sensible acceptance, love and care, and finding out the best way for her to support you.

I used to find when doing exams I'd answer the easy ones first, that got them out theway and gave me a bit of confidence when approaching the harder ones.

So my I ask you what you think the easy reactions are and even if you had not been looking forward to them how you would handle them.

Maybe an easy one might be panic. Then you become the guide, soothing fears and helping he wiht knowledge as to waht to do. You already have a couple of references. Panic can only come from love of you, That's a pretty strong motivator to lean the facts and learn to help. Plus a quick call by her to the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) will give her some ideas.

It always helps to remind peple that self-harm is not something done deliberately by choice, it is a physical and mental reaction to something at the time and gets out of control..

You are quite intelligent enough to know what I'm trying to do together with you, look at the fears together and try to reduce them to the level where you act and have as an ally someone when needed - one you do not have to worry about. It is amazing how much difference to life that makes.

It takes patience and courage to keep trying, you have both so I'll ask you to keep playing this 'game' with me. I did the same myself about going to the doctor about feeling suicidal, and actually trying to take my life. My mistake was I left it too late and then it was not up to me any more.

Croix

[Jstar49]

Hi Eclipse,

I'm just wondering how you went with your appointment?

I know you were anxiously waiting to get in, to your GP I think? To get a referral to a service that seemed suitable.

I like the conversation that you are having with Croix- it's a very logical way of addressing the fears you may have about disclosing your SH.

Were you able to find some material online from one of the sources Sophie and Croix have suggested? Perhaps there's something suitable that you can consider printing out for your mum. Often times it's hard to find a good way to express things in the height of emotions.

I understand from what you've said that you're finding it difficult to talk to your mum, but it sounds like you really want to as well.

Speaking as a mum, who loves her own children, I believe that she will want to know. I'm not sure if thats helpful to you or not. And as Croix says, if you can anticipate her possible response, and prepare for it, then it may be a bit easier on both of you. Sure, she may be freaked out (I was, and I thought I was such a bad mum a) to not have known, and b) for my daughter to be so unhappy in the first place) but if she loves you, which I'm sure she does, then she will want to support you.

What would be the best way your mum could support you right now?

Hope your day is good today,

J*