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A life depressed, and in decline

Community Member
49M here - diagnosed with MDD, Bipolar, and schizoaffective, starting in my teens. Hospitalised a few times, and done the medication roundabout with varying success, now stable on medication. I had a successful career as a Visual Artist, but the Global Financial Crisis and certain changes to Superannuation laws put an end to that being viable. I've been stable for the past few years, but suffered nerve damage in my spine a year ago and have been bedridden since. I have been very much stiff-upper-lip about my mental health due to being overwhelmed with physical pain, but I have to admit the wheels are falling off. My father is in palliative care, and has a few days to weeks left. My relationship with him has been difficult, but he has been a constant source of support despite not really understanding what I had going on. All of my long-term (20+ year) friends have abandoned me since my nerve damage, and don't even reply to my emails any more. My siblings range from friendly to openly hostile toward me. I live alone. I can feel the walls closing in on me, suffering not only mentally and physically, but I keeping hanging on for some unknown reason.  It's funny coz it's true.
3 Replies 3

Dear Paolo9
Welcome to the forums and to this kind and supportive community. Thank you for showing such courage in posting and sharing that experience.
Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums we are so glad that you have made you way here and had the bravery to post. We want you to know that this is a safe space to discuss your thoughts, feelings and experiences and receive honest responses and suggestions from fellow forum users.
Please note, it’s worth remembering that immediate support is not available via the forums. Some days are slower than others, and some topics hit home with people more than others. The number of replies received will always vary from day to day.
If you need more immediate contact, please use our support service either via phone 1300 22 4636 or web chat: http://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support
Sophie M

Community Member

Hi Paolo9,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing you story. I'm sorry to hear about your struggles recently and for the lack of support you've felt from friends and family. I've noticed it's been a while since you're post. How are you travelling at the moment?

I'm very sorry to hear about your dad. I can somewhat understand how you feel when you mention being isolated feeling crushed. I also have a loved one in palliative care and it can be incredibly emotionally taxing, especially if you are one of only a few taking care of them. I can't imagine also having an existing financial burden on top of this. Regarding your financial situation and mental health struggles relating to your father's diagnosis it might be worth seeing or getting a referral for a social worker. When my loved one was diagnosed they were assigned a social worker who helped with affairs but also us carers when it came to our own mental health. I didn't do much follow up but I visited and reached out to Cancer Council for some resources and info regarding networks. Unfortunately I'm not too familiar with other organisations or carer networks that might be around but a social worker would definitely know.

I noticed you mentioned you are on several medication so I assume you are under the care of a GP and/or psychiatrist. It may be worth touching base with a psychologist if you don't already have one. They've assisted me process internal conflict as well as help with grieving.

In the meantime, as Sophie M mentioned there is also online and telephone support here at Beyond Blue (top right corner of the page). Additional points of call when you're in a crisis include (you're probably familiar with these but I like to remind people): Lifeline 131114 and the Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467. Both of these also can provide online counselling.


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni


Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you for sharing your beautiful and sad story. It sounds like you have been through so much. You have so much courage and I aspire to be just like you. Keep hanging on, life may seem extremely difficult right now but you have gotten through hardship before, I know you can still do it.

Stay safe and i am always here to chat.