Life after an attempt

[Niks85]

Hi there

First of all thanks so much for taking the time to read this. My husband and I have been struggling with our relationship since lockdowns began. I thought moving to a more rural place in Victoria would be more peaceful and help our relationship but I was wrong. We moved last year as the 6th lockdown happened during winter. At first everything was exciting. I am living with bipolar and hadn’t experienced depression in years then suddenly I found myself very isolated. My family and friends are now miles away. Last year August I saw two psychiatrists and asked for a medication change they said no. My depression became really bad and January this year I attempted suicide then again in April. I’m not suicidal at the moment just wanting to get better. My medication has finally been changed and my husband and I are finally getting couples counseling especially for our little toddlers sake. The real issue is I’m totally isolated where I live with limited opportunities I feel very unhappy here in this million dollar home that I can’t stand because we now have money troubles with the rising cost of living. My husband loves it here but I’m miserable and wanting to move back to where we were living and have half the mortgage and money stress. I also want to move back to be closer to family and friends but fear my husband will resent me if we move back. I honestly don’t know what to do. My husband said he will move back but he’s not happy about it because it means sitting in traffic again and possibly changing jobs and I don’t want him to go through that. At the same time I can’t bare to be here. I applied for work I got told the next day they won’t be moving forward with my application I feel very limited where I am what should I do? My husband doesn’t think it’s the place it’s me that’s the problem. Feeling devastated. Moving here is a big regret for me personally. I would just like things to go back to what they were before the pandemic. Thanks for listening

[Sophie_M]

Hi Niks85,

Welcome to the forums, and thank you for sharing so bravely and openly here. It sounds like you've been dealing with some real isolation, and coping with that alongside depression and suicidality must be incredibly difficult.

We can hear how difficult the past few months have been, we’re so sorry that’s been going on.
It sounds like you’ve taken some really good steps in getting your medication reviewed, and going to counselling with your husband. We can hear your love for your toddler shine through, too, and that's so lovely. We do think it would be good to keep your GP or treating team up to date on what's going on, and how you're feeling, though we can hear in your post it's not just about your treatment, especially when you're feeling alone where you're living.

Hopefully, we'll hear from the lovely community soon, but we’d also really recommend calling the Beyond Blue Support Line on 1300 22 4636. The counsellors there are super kind and supportive, they’re understanding and can be good to talk to right in the midst of these feelings, or at any moment so that you can work out your next steps in getting more support together with them on the phone. You can also reach them via Online Chat here.

It also sounds like the Beyond Now suicide safety planning app may be a helpful resource to you. You can read about how it works and where to download it here. You can even call Lifeline (13 11 14) and compete it together with one of their counsellors over the phone. If you’re ever feeling suicidal or are having thoughts about harming yourself, it's important that you take immediate steps to keep safe, and this can be a great way to make the steps really clear and easier to follow in overwhelming moments. If you ever feel unable to keep yourself from acting on your thoughts about suicide or self-harm this is an emergency and you need to call 000 (triple zero).

We're really grateful you could share your story, it's an amazing thing to do, and you never know who is reading and feeling less alone because of it. 

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[smallwolf]

hello Niks85,

I have read your story about moving to a quieter area for living and the impact this is having on you. As Sophie_M said it sounds like you are doing the right things but these don't seem to be having the effect you are looking for. Moving to a new place is stressful - moving away from friends, changing jobs, to a place you are unlikely to be familiar with.

i am curious about the rural living - whether it is a country town, or whether there is many miles between yourself and any neighbours? What resources and /or possibilities exist in the area?

How you spend your time each day?

Too many questions. I know. I hope you don't mind. And please do not feel like you need to answer any of these. I feel your story is important. If you want to chat some more...