Your temperament

[white knight]

Some might say you're sensitive so you have a touchy temperament. Not so.

Your temperament is a permanent fixture of your character. Sensitivity like anger, reservation, mood etc are by products....they are things we can improve on. I'd argue that our temperament does alter as we age but by and large it is who we are.

To improve ourselves as individuals we need to review our behaviour. But this can come at a cost if we are too radical with our expectations. We can change but not at the cost of our character nor at the intent of moving our temperament from its foundations.

An example. We are parked at a caravan park. We have a great view of the ocean. No one should park between us and the ocean as its a no standing area.

A large rig. Ute and long van arrived and blocked our view. A man alighted and walked away with a dog. How dare he park there!. Ten years ago I would have yelled out to move his van. A risk of conflict.

My temperament hasn't changed. I'm just as angry now because that's my temperament but now my actions have changed. Firstly there is an element of "benefit of the doubt". Maybe the park operators gave them permission?

So I approached the lady in the van. Turns out their van had a flat tyre. Her husband rather frail and elderly couldn't undo the wheel nuts and walked towards a nearby garage.

I changed their wheel and upon his return he reparked beside us. We shared a drink and made new friends.

Ten years ago I'd be totally embarrassed over my action of an aggressive approach. My prejudgement from my temperament has not changed but my thinking after the initial event occurred, has.

Our sensitivity can be altered as can our thinking. Our wisdom can grow and we can introduce that benefit of the doubt ingredient to our persona.

But, we should also remain aware of being rejected and have a bail out clause. If that Lady said " we'll park where we like" regardless of your soft chatty approach then the whole process of containing your natural temperament will take place.

Your manner like your temperament, is you and you can't change and should never try to change your personality. You can keep your temperament intact but at the same time remain approachable, hospitable, fair and reasonable. Perhaps steam can come from your ears as you smile away... but its better than conflict.

We can improve ourselves but our temperament can't be touched. Its valuable, its unique and its ...naturally and permanently you.

Tony WK

[JessF]

Hello Tony, I think you're right, I don't think our temperament changes much as we age but with maturity comes an ability to 'control yourself' better and not jump to conclusions. It's a bit like what you wrote in your other post about 'being reasonable', a lot of this comes from taking a bit of a breath and a step back and thinking about why someone has behaved in the way they have rather than jumping to (bad) conclusions.

The benefit of the doubt comes from making challenging negative thinking into a habit. If you see the world as a place full of selfish, inconsiderate people, then you will always assume the worst of anything that happens.

There is another thread in the Depression section, 'Is depression a natural reaction to an insane world?' where there are a lot of posts that come down to temperament, I feel. If your starting point is that the world is a horrible place, your first instinct will be to see only the horrible and the tragic, and to filter out the positives - or in the case with you offering to change the tyre, filtering out opportunities where something positive can happen.

Another person in your place might have just driven off in a huff after the van parked in front of them, railing away about how selfish and inconsiderate people are - more proof for their 'story' about how the world works, a story which is already written in their head.