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Worried about other users - how are we all doing?

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi everyone,

I thought I'd check in to see how everyone is doing; while the nature of these forums is as a place of support, and it feels good to help others, we need to make sure our own welfare is looked after too.  Sometimes reading the experiences of others can be validating, because we feel 'we've been there', but sometimes it can also be a trigger for bringing up unpleasant feelings.

I've started this thread so we can have a constructive discussion about helping others and helping ourselves - how do you cope when you read about others in distress?  Do you have a self-care plan in place, and if so, what is it?

Really looking forward to hearing from you all.

43 Replies 43

We take in mulitple amounts of info every day and every now and then something you hear or read somewhere goes pinnnnnggggg and Sarah hendersons comment thanks Chris for putting it up was a ping, "don't wait for the light to appear at the end of the tunnel, stride down there and light the bloody thing yourself" .... Kaboooomb. True survivor, loved her books. Read 2 & I think maybe a third but can't remember.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hi Jonjr,

Thanks for that feedback. With the sheer volume of posts coming through, our moderators unfortunately don't have the time to write personalised responses when we need to edit or (rarely) not publish an entire post. The emails we send are pretty basic, with a reference to the community rule relevant to the post (eg. may cause distress to other members, mentions medication names, etc).

I'm sorry if this can come across as snappy, it's not our intention. You can always get in touch with us privately if you want to discuss a moderation decision in more detail.

Generally speaking, if we can't publish an entire post on the forums here it's usually because the forums are not a suitable place to be seeking support on that topic. In that case, we'd encourage members to get in touch with our support service for further advice, as they're professional counsellors. You can contact them by phone, live webchat, or email.


is there a list of words that bin our posts eg by computer or the mods?

As it would be easier for all on BB and would help condense the dump.


Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Dory, we can't disclose how our moderation filter works as we don't want to encourage people to 'game the system'. Being familiar with the rules is the easiest way to make sure your posts go through quicker, but sometimes you will still have to wait - that's just the way it works here. If you have any more questions about moderation, please use the moderation thread.

It would be great to get back on topic here - for those of you who spend time supporting others on the forums, what do you do to make sure that you keep a sense of perspective and stay strong when reading distressing posts?

Hi Chris,thanks for your time,

Ihave thought about this all day.

I think you have nailed it,

How to keep a sense of perspective?

For me I would say extremely hard,constantly questioning if my thoughts are what others expect from me.

The way I am,if I don't say things here on the forum straight away chances are I won't come back to that post, I do find it extremely difficult to keep up with everyone,and trying to find the right words to express myself and help.

I would much rather comfort and support someone else than me.

Reading other posts and new,I can handle my heart melts and I just want to hug,hold and comfort them. That's the worst .

I don't know if I have answered your questions Chris.


HI Chris

this thread im finding very useful as i often find i get triggered by posts and the first instinct is to panic and write in the moment.

at the moment ive worked out a better way thats more productive for myself and also the other members. i know that when im triggered that posting whats coming straight off the bat but now ive learnt to log off destress and put in some coping strategies.. breathe... then when i think i can handle it ill come back to the post and then write with a more clearer state of mind. i also remind myself that the post isnt going to go anywhere and i can alwasy come back to it. its more productive and usefull to others if i take that step back and think about what to say rather than jumping straight in from panic mode

hope this helps

Hello SN

I think your description of waiting before posting is great and I suspect many people use that strategy. It does give you time to stand back and recover after reading a post, to get yourself functioning again. I know there are times when I do this and it's always unexpected because we think we are moving forward. Well we are moving forward as we could not take that step back if we have not moved on a little.

Once you can do this it becomes so much easier to respond if you have something to say on that topic.


HI Mary

yeah when i first joined i found myself getting triggered all the time but there were too panic modes one was that i couldnt handle what was being said and the other was if i didnt respond straight away then i wasnt supporting that person.

ive since learned that the post isnt going to go anywhere. and while i understand that some topics people are urgently seeking help there are helplines there that they can access and also the mods behind the scenes are 'watching' and an also contact if they think they are in immediate danger.

i also realised that when i was posting in that state what i was trying to say to that person wasnt getting across easily or it was jumbled and not really making any sense and in a way might have made situations worse for others. so i find this to be the most productive and also safer way for myself and other users

HI Mary

i found when i first started here i woul have two different panic states. one of those would be becasue i was triggered and the other one was that i was letting the other person down by not posting straight away.

i soon realised though that i was doing more harm than good by posting while in a triggered state.

so now i breathe step abck reassess and then post when i feel ready to do so

Just saying Star,

you are amazing,I hope I can become more controlled like you.