When feeling good feels wrong...

[Qn23]

Self-care is something that more and more people are talking about these days. It was not a term I ever heard growing up, but one I learned when I first went to therapy.

I see the value in it and I wish I could practice it, but not only do I have to constantly fight myself to perform any kind of self-care, when I do, I feel ashamed. Like I shouldn't need to take care of myself. I shouldn't need to feel pleasure. I shouldn't need basic comfort even.

Doing nice things for myself feels so wrong and I don't know why. Doing anything to care for myself feels wrong, even showering. I only do it because it's a requirement that I am presentable at work.

When I'm not at work, all I can do is distract myself from how bad I feel. I always have something streaming while I'm on my phone, or computer, or reading. Or all of the above. Or drinking.

The thought of actually doing something to make myself feel good instead of just distracted is nauseating. Like if I showed myself some compassion it would kill me.

I feel very stupid writing this, but I have admitted to myself that I need some help. I want to have a real life instead of just finding ways to waste time.

[geoff]

Hello Qn23, you have asked a very good question, and definitely one I have asked myself when suffering from depression.

When we begin to feel good it's can be something we don't know, simply because this may have happened before or on numerous occasions, so we feel hesitant.

The other point is that once we tell people we're feeling better, the thought we may have is that any help they have been providing us to get us through this, believe that they won't be there any longer, but if they are friends who we have helped each other over the years, then they will still be encouraging us to keep going.

Slowly try and increase these god feelings, we need them to overcome this illness.

Take care.

Geoff.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Qn23,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for your post. I'm really glad you decided to join us even though it felt stupid writing it - honestly I don't think it's stupid at all. Actually quite the opposite - I think that it actually demonstrates a little bit of self compassion in simply deciding to reach out. Gathering from your post it sounds like you're lacking a bit of that!

I was wondering if maybe there is a bit of fear around giving yourself compassion - hearing you say 'it would kill me'. Why? What is the worst that can happen if you were to give yourself a little bit of self-care?

I have gone through some trauma and the idea of self-compassion felt insane to me at the start. Being nice to myself was never really an option - even if it's something small as being criticised for having a nap. I want to share this with you because that was something that I learned over time. I'm guessing that this might be new to you too because self-care wasn't something you learned either.

You said you were seeing a therapist so I really encourage you to reach out to them and share what you've told us here. Self-care isn't always an easy thing to do but it is so important.

I hope this helps

rt