What is the meaning of Life?

Sean1 · ‎19-11-2016

This question is something ive pondered often over the last 12 mths. I have just joined this site in trying to seek the answers im looking for. I used to think life was about acquiring material possessions and thus at a young age i strived to succeed and make my mark on the world. I clearly remember my first job over 100 k a yr...i was 19 yrs old and it was alot of money 15yrs ago. To say i was ecstatic was an understatement. As time went on i strived for more 100 k become 150 then 200 then 250k and yet i still wanted more. It was envitable that i would run and manage my own company and i have never been one afraid to take risks, albeit calculated risks. When i first went out on my own it was exciting times...i thought if i can make 10 000 dollars a week ill be happy but that figure came and long since went. Fast forward to now, i have a very successful multinational company and my own profit dividends are over $100 000 a week and yet i am truly lost. Somehow i can still run this company but what most people dont know is that im an alcoholic with a highlevel cocaine habit. In the last yr its cost me my wife and much more. I have the very expensive cars, the houses the boats, theres nothing i cant really buy and yet i feel so very empty. Nothing seems to matter much anymore, i have no goals, nothing to drive me. Im more miserable now then i have ever been and yet i have so much compared to most. I see the young children in 3rd world countries who have nothing and yet theres a smile on their face and i feel ashamed that i have so much and im so ungrateful. Along the way i became ruthless and greedy and when i look in the mirror i despise the man ive become. I often now contemplate what the meaning of life is...because i feel i no longer want to be part of it. We are born, we live and inevitably one day we die. What is the grand plan for us? Knowing what i know now i would trade all i have to be truly happy and live a meagre existence. I feel i have lost the motivation and the will to live and im not afraid of that, though i know i should be. How can i find the strength to endure and maybe truly understand the true meaning of life, because despite what lots of people may think money does not bring happiness. It gives you choices and that is all.

Starwolf · ‎19-11-2016

Hi Sean,

Well done for finding the courage to share those thoughts with us. And hats off to you for acknowledging your dependency on "self-medication".

Life crises always shift us into an unusual head space... often an uncomfortable one as they tend to pull the carpet from under the feet. The good news is that they throw us back onto ourselves and make us question and consider what we once took for granted. They can set the groundwork and motivation for necessary change.

We're all different so Life means different things to different people. A simple answer is that it is there to be lived in a way that allows us to realize our potential and makes us happy. Finding out what this entails may take time...and a few upheavals along the way. You have already become aware that material success may be part of the answer but not all.

Writing down your thoughts, concerns, feelings and expectations will help you clarify them to yourself. What is lacking in your life right now ? What would improve your lifestyle, return harmony and peace of mind ? What has caused the loss of what was precious/important to you ? What needs to be eliminated ? What could YOUR grand plan be ? etc...etc...Just let it rip in all honesty, no censure at all. Results are often surprising.

Lack of motivation can be a sign of depression. I'd suggest you click on the Depression/Anxiety checklist found at the bottom of this page (in The Facts section). Sometimes we all need to talk in depth about our issues to help us make sense of them. A GP appointment could give you a referral and access to counseling. No need to struggle alone.

Please be kind to yourself. We are all thrown into Life without a user's manual. We all take wrong turns, make questionable decisions. But at the time, it was the best we could do. Besides, we all need different things at different times. What can be done now is more important and constructive than what could have been done in the past. There's no going back...but there's still a lot of forward space to explore. Being a good businessman requires plenty talents and qualities. Those are still at your disposal to be channeled into a life suited to your present needs. On top of those, you now have more insight and awareness. They often come at a price...which makes all the more valuable.

It is a pleasure to welcome you on board.

SubduedBlues · ‎19-11-2016

Hi Sean

Welcome to the BB forums. I must say that your post makes me think of the "High Cost of Living" song by Jamey Johnson; (you can find it on youtube). I have often used his lyrics to teach my kids about drugs: "The high cost of livin' ... ain't nothing like the cost of livin' high."

But there is a lot more to the story outlined in the lyrics. Have a listen, I think it might hit home for you. Getting back to your question: the meaning of life. Unfortunately there is no single answer to that question. Life is different things to different people. Some of us want to own things, some of us what to build things, some want to leave a legacy to their family and others to their community.

If you're looking for a goal, how about a day, a week, a month, a year, a decade free from the control of alcohol and drugs. This may not seem like much, but for those friends I have that used to be addicted to this, that or the other, every day is an achievement. Some days are struggles, but every day further helps them feel that much better about themselves. And being free of the addiction enables them to be more productive towards achieving peace and happiness within themselves.

For me, when I cannot make myself happy, I go and make other people happy. Sometimes it's family, sometimes friends, but what I really enjoy is making strangers happy. And somewhere, somehow, some days/weeks down the road, I feel happy for doing just that.

It is never how much or how little you have. It is not about how you contribute, or how you help or how you give. It is about how happy they are (whoever they may be) to have met you, to have known you, and/or to have been touched by you.

True happiness is found in the hearts of others.

SB

V17 · ‎19-11-2016

Hi Sean,

Your honesty is a testament to your character, so hey - well done!

I was heading out the door when I came across your post and it stopped me in my tracks. What is the meaning of life?
I understand addiction. I had a drinking problem and was addicted to pain killers - I used them to self medicate and try and 'cover' the emptiness I felt. I hit a lowest low in my life and walked through the doors of a local AA Group; broken and ashamed - I managed to gain clarity, self respect and a strong desire to help those in need, for nearly 5 years. The bonds of friendship I have built on in those rooms will be taken to the grave. There is also the drug equivalent; NA - perhaps look into it Sean? They also have a helpline which helped me considerably, particularly in the early days.

I can see in your post here a man who has been humbled. Perhaps use your humility towards giving those in need. I'm not talking about money here, I'm talking about giving of 'you'. Does that make sense? You see, when I became humbled after I walked in the doors of the AA room, I began to understand that by my kindness towards helping others in need; it gave my life meaning. I felt like I was worthy. For example, at the suggestion of my sponsor, I wanted to help as many people as I could in a single day. It was the simple things of turning away from ME focusing on my woes, my life, my job me me ME; to start to focus on others. I discovered the people struggling with their shopping; the people who looked sad and giving them a smile; the people who were waiting to reverse their car and stopping to allow them to come out - those simple things. Whilst they were not major in the scheme of things, they allowed me to see that by giving of myself instead of being the one who was the road rager who couldn't care less is someone was having a bad day because, hey, I'm having a bad one too - that person; my actions became meaningful.
I imagine you have quite a significant amount of people working for you who may or may not be struggling in one form or another. Perhaps the next time you walk down the corridor, or the car park - where ever it is - start to look around and see if there are people in need and what you could give to them to help? A smiles costs nothing but means the world to those who need one. It really worked for me and so many others I know.

We are a great bunch of non judgmental, supportive souls here, Sean, we would like to help anyway we can.
Hope you keep in touch.
V.

Cornstarch · ‎19-11-2016

Try and not shame yourself Sean, I know it's easy to sit here and preach that when it's you that has to do the hard yards on the inside.

You're hardly alone in being indoctrinated with the mantra that more, more, more money will only increase you're happiness. We have all been brainwashed by the same sentiments since we were children. Our parents role modelled the same sentiments no doubt.

It would take a lot to shock doctors and health professionals so whatever you've done it's safe to tell one of them and I'd recommend you do, that's when we turn corners because it lifts the shame and humiliation.

Illicit drugs huge right now in certain circles, including in some of my own relatives and associates through friends. I've never touched it, but I'm not too proud or stuck up to admit that I had an intense 6 month period in my wayward mid-twenties where I partied too hard. I was furious at myself down the track, but at the time I hated myself, I hated my life, I hated my parents I hated the world and I wanted to forget who I was. I was angry, lost, depressed and afraid that I would be miserable for the rest of my life.

I felt like 'happiness' was for those people that live there up on the hill over looking the beach. Little did I know until later that heaps of them were absolutely miserable as well, if not more. As for alcohol, it's cheap, readily accessible and socially acceptable. It is everywhere!

What I've observed in others and in myself, is that happiness is dependent upon the quality of the relationships I have in my life. The people on the hill that were happy had satisfying relationships, and the people on the hill that were miserable were miserable in their relationships. I'm not only referring to romantic relationships, but all connections. I also believe that our society'd loss of community has had an enormous detrimental effect on our collective mental health.

Take care mate, and reach out to some docs, some of them are awesome and undoubtedly would have tried the sorts of things you've tried or at least have family that have/do.

White_Rose · ‎19-11-2016

Dear Sean

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. The acquisition of this world's goods is seen as the best way to run your life. So sad. First I suggest you read this thread. Depression/Is that it, is survival the only thing/ by Sharny. It seems this contributor is asking the same question as you. Why not read this thread and contribute? You may find you can help each other.

You are correct about how you appear. Until you mentioned drugs and alcohol I wondered what had happened in your life. SB and Starwolf have suggested some great ideas. I agree with them. When I was searching for the meaning in my life I found making life easier for others so rewarding. SB says why not make getting alcohol and drug free your first goal. Regardless of any other activity, this will make you feel better.

Here is the link to a BB publication on alcohol, drugs and depression. http://resources.beyondblue.org.au/prism/file?token=BL/0058 Also try this thread on BB. Forums/Depression/ How can I stop abusing drugs. This is the link https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/depression/how-can-i-stop-abusing-drugs#qk405XHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A Also look at Forums/ Long term support over the journey/Battling the booze

The folk writing here have something to say about their own journeys and struggles. You may find it helpful to read these posts and possibly contribute. I suggest this not because it will solve all your problems, sigh, but in offering help and support you can feel the satisfaction of giving to others. It gives me great joy when someone says my words have helped. Without wanting to sound like a cliché, helping others helps ourselves.

These are just the first steps. You know you will be battling all your life to stay clean and dry, but it does get easier I'm told. I will ask a couple of other people to write in here. Your drive and determination will be needed here, but you have demonstrated your strength. Harness this to your get well program, but be very sure this is what you want. No one gives up an addiction before they want to. It may not sound as huge as you difficulties, but being over weight is, for me, horrible. I have tried for a long time and to lose weight. Now I am understanding myself more I am getting on with the job. All addictions are hard to break.

Not a great deal of information for you. Read the suggested posts and see if any of it rings a bell for you. Come back and talk about it.

Mary

Sean1 · ‎19-11-2016

Thankyou for your helpful reply. Just so your aware ive been to the best psychiatrists money can buy but i feel like they are very clinical and textbook style in their response. The reason for being here is to experience real people with real problems who have actually been through the lows themselves not some overeducated specialist charging me hundreds of dollars an hr. Thankyou for your words of wisdom

Sean1 · ‎19-11-2016

Thanks so very much for taking the time to write me a reply. I just listened to the song and can definitely relate to it. It started ohh so innocent but unfortuntely with money there comes the ability to live a certain lifestyle most people will never experience. Looking back i actually rue the day i went out on my own but i cant live in the past. My whole life was spent worrying about ME ME ME and it would be safe to say im known as being arrogant and obnoxious and extremely self centred. I will try to use what you have advised to live a more fulfilling life built on relationships not money. Thankyou for your time

white knight · ‎19-11-2016

Hi Sean, welcome

After a long working life as an employee in 2000 I started my own investigation company.

All was OK although I'd drive 90,000 km a year in the regional areas and then wham! I fell in a heap and had a couple of mental episodes.

I retired at 57yo 3 years ago. Now that I've slowed down I'm amazed how hard I worked. I had a lot of momentum going, very early mornings dodging roos etc.

Now I watch wildlife from our rear verandah in a small country town. Our treats might include coffee at another town driving our vintage convertible car or a day in the vegie patch. We at in the slow lane.

Please Google the following

Topic: meditation, words of wisdom, he helped me for 25 years- beyondblue

Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue

Topic: need there done that syndrome- beyondblue

Thanks for posting

Tony WK

Sean1 · ‎19-11-2016

Thankyou very much V. Out of all the replies i have read yours has truly touched me. Im definitely a man that has been humbled. Money does strange things to people and i feel it poisoned me and turned into an extremely arrogant, obnoxious and selfcentred person who felt no emotion towards others. However over the last yr this has changed, i have softened, im kinder, for the first time in my life im empathetic. Deep down im a good person but i believe i allowed myself to be corrupted into a certain lifestyle. I certaintly will look closer at my staff and be more generous of my time and money.

Many thanks V