What is the meaning of Life?

[Sean1]

This question is something ive pondered often over the last 12 mths. I have just joined this site in trying to seek the answers im looking for. I used to think life was about acquiring material possessions and thus at a young age i strived to succeed and make my mark on the world. I clearly remember my first job over 100 k a yr...i was 19 yrs old and it was alot of money 15yrs ago. To say i was ecstatic was an understatement. As time went on i strived for more 100 k become 150 then 200 then 250k and yet i still wanted more. It was envitable that i would run and manage my own company and i have never been one afraid to take risks, albeit calculated risks. When i first went out on my own it was exciting times...i thought if i can make 10 000 dollars a week ill be happy but that figure came and long since went. Fast forward to now, i have a very successful multinational company and my own profit dividends are over $100 000 a week and yet i am truly lost. Somehow i can still run this company but what most people dont know is that im an alcoholic with a highlevel cocaine habit. In the last yr its cost me my wife and much more. I have the very expensive cars, the houses the boats, theres nothing i cant really buy and yet i feel so very empty. Nothing seems to matter much anymore, i have no goals, nothing to drive me. Im more miserable now then i have ever been and yet i have so much compared to most. I see the young children in 3rd world countries who have nothing and yet theres a smile on their face and i feel ashamed that i have so much and im so ungrateful. Along the way i became ruthless and greedy and when i look in the mirror i despise the man ive become. I often now contemplate what the meaning of life is...because i feel i no longer want to be part of it. We are born, we live and inevitably one day we die. What is the grand plan for us? Knowing what i know now i would trade all i have to be truly happy and live a meagre existence. I feel i have lost the motivation and the will to live and im not afraid of that, though i know i should be. How can i find the strength to endure and maybe truly understand the true meaning of life, because despite what lots of people may think money does not bring happiness. It gives you choices and that is all.

[Sean1]

Thankyou for your kind words Mary. I appreciate you adding those links and i will make sure to read them today. Thanks again

[Sean1]

Thanks Tony i appreciate and am thankful for giving me an insight into your own experiences. I am considering retiring myself albeit at 34 yrs of age. I have a great ceo as well as cfo and i handpicked the board of directors so i know i would be safe stepping away. Im not burnt out but i am unhappy but i still also hold on dear to things i promised myself. Many years ago i promised myself i would make a billion dollars and cement myself as one of the richest men in Australia. Somehow i feel like a failure if i give up now...ive achieved the impossible by this age and im in the middle of 2 jvs and an acquisiton at the moment. My pride is my biggest enemy. Picturing you sitting on the back verandah watching birds brought a smile to my face and i dont smile often. Thankyou for your help tony

[Cornstarch]

Hey Sean,

I replied earlier, it may not get through due to disclosing my younger years shenanigans.

I know some grotesquely wealthy people, that are in the same place as you, and the variance in how to go about tackling it is as diverse as life itself. Some people have tried cold turkey, some people have tried gradual cut back, everyone seems to be different it seems.

There is an assumption that there is a sad story behind all addiction while ironically the people I know that have struggled the most are trust fund children, with parents I used to cry and dream about would come down and save me from my miserable bed. In lots of ways this only increases their shame and embarrassment today, because in their heart of hearts they know that they are lucky compared to some. They feel like brats with no excuse and it increases their disgust and emptiness.

Psychiatrists will be very clinical unfortunately. Maybe in a weird kind of way you could consider it comforting to know that they are not shocked, they've seen it all, what you're struggling with is universal and not personal.

I suppose it is not practical to disappear for a month to a luxurious rehab centre without raising eye brows. Could you tell a little porkie to your staff and make up some weird health condition to give yourself time to go, and just be. Just be sad, and lost?

[Sean1]

No trust fund baby here. All self made...i come from a poor family and upringing...and thats why i always wanted more. I love my parents but i could never imagine not having money, if you have brains and drive the impossible is achievable..

[MarkJT]

Sean1, you story is one that resonates with me as i have been very fortunate to see Hugh Van Cuylenberg a couple of times. He started "The Resilience Project" and by seeing this and adhering to the lessons learnt, I have rewired my brain to scan for the positives in the world, rather than the negatives.

I believe that you have found yourself in that dangerous situation where you were never really satisfied with what you have. You are obviously a high achiever and extremely driven to accomplish what you have in your life but when is it enough? This is one of the points that Hugh points out.

Long story short, he was in India and met a local lad who had no family and no house yet he was the happiest kid he ever met. He stayed there for a while then came back, studied resilience and worked out that this little Indian lad did three things every day - practiced mindfulness, showed gratitude and empathy.

So: I would advise to start practicing mindfulness. There are some great apps out there to help guide you through the learning process. I use smiling mind daily. It is about living in the now and not worrying about the future nor thinking of the past.

Empathy: You would have so many resources available to you. Is there something you can do to help out someone. Sponsor some meals for the homeless, sponsor some clothing for those that need it, help out at a hospital, something, anything that you will not get anything in return but you are helping other people. I am not saying that you have to spend 10s of 1,000's of dollars here but if you helped feed just one person a decent meal, you will have impacted so much on that person.

Gratitude: What i do is email someone who has been influential in my past. Someone that helped shape who i am today. I do this once every 3-4 weeks. I thank them for what they did for me, took the time to show me the way in a certain aspect of my life. Could be something small or could be something big. I genuinely do not expect anything in return, i am just saying thanks for what they did for me. It is a great feeling. You achieving what you have, I would think there would be a fair few people who have influenced you in a positive way.

I practice mindfulness daily, email those that influenced me and help others where i can. I once didn't have any resilience. I now have it back thanks to this. It is very rewarding.

The meaning of like to me is being happy and helping others be happy.

Well done for posting. Takes courage.

Mark

[Cornstarch]

Someone had to be the original maker of a trust fund and they also came from nothing mate.

Good luck

[MarkJT]

Just to add some more and to clarify, the little Indian lads don't email as there is no electricity and no running water. They are just so grateful for what they have got. The help each other out without expectations and they live in the moment.

After living by these standards for a while, this is when my brain changed and started being super positive. I am now living in such a place where i have not been this calm and content for at least a decade.

By background, I was hospitalised in 2013 with PTSD, depression and anxiety from an incident i attended as a police officer in 2003. I was a shell of my former self.

I just think that due to you being such a high achiever, you could make a substantial difference in so many peoples lives, it would be awesome. Yes you could donate money but once that is done, what do you do next? This is why i reckon if you have the ability to continually help people out, you get to see the changes and the smiles on faces that you created, no one else, you did that.

I loved your post - so much courage to do that and also i find it completely fascinating as i have not ever read a post like it.

I certainly hope that you continue on the beyondblue forums and letting us know how you are travelling and what you are up to. We are all here to support you through this period of time and you will never be judged, only supported.

Cheers

Mark.

[geoff]

hi Sean, I had just typed a reply but I didn't copy and paste it, so will have to start again, is that 'the meaning of life'. Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Hello Sean

Coincidentally I received this extract this morning. You may find this book useful. Had to take out half of the quote - too long.

‘Who am I?’ is a question we are faced with at different times in our life, especially when life suddenly dramatically changes for us. This is especially poignant when our sense of self has been dependent on one aspect only, which was important in our assessment of who we are and what value we have. Being made redundant, retiring or the children leaving home, can then have a devastating effect. Losing what we considered our role in life feels like being unmasked with nothing real underneath. Abrupt change then can cause bewilderment and depression.

We have forgotten who we truly are at heart. Who do you think you are? We don’t really know who we are. We have based our identity on superficial and external factors only. We are like Nasrudin in the Sufi story who went into a bank to cash a cheque. When he was asked to identify himself, he took out a mirror and peered into it and said: ‘Yes, that’s me alright.’

Just like the influence of our early environment on who we think we are, cultural conditioning and its associated images are equally influential. We look for a sense of identity in everything that surrounds us: reactions of other people, our cultural environment, our relationships, our thoughts, emotions, and the roles we play in life. All this gives us a clear sense of who we are. This clearly defined self-image makes us feel in control and gives us a
sense of permanence and security. As far as the cultural influence is concerned, only when we leave the culture and society we were raised in and meet with different ones, do we become aware of their all-pervasive influence
on our thoughts and behaviour. They determine what we find praiseworthy or blameworthy. Even the meaning we attribute to our life is often culturally shaped. Freud called constraints imposed by the conditioning in the family and in society the ‘super-ego’. To break this hold over our mind and be open to other interpretations is helped by a regular meditation practice, where from the stillness and silence at our centre we hear the voice of our true ‘self’, which gives us insight and the energy to question these prejudices and assumptions.

Kim Nataraja "Dancing with My Shadow"

[geoff]

hi Sean, just wondering if you are still checking your post. Thanks. Geoff.