What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

[quirkywords]

I want to discuss what honesty means to you and your health.

People say that they fake being well, or wear a mask so no one knows their pain.Is this being honest.

When we do not admit our flaws and our behaviours does this make it harder to have insight into our illness and harder to get better?

Do we need to be honest with ourselves and others in order to be well.?

Honesty can be a very subjective personal word. What one people feels is being honest another may feel is not.

For many years I was in denial about my illness so I would admit to myself I was ill, I was not honest.

So what does honesty mean to you? So lets start a conversation. All ideas welcome.

Everyone is welcome to comment, new posters, regular posters, I want everyone's ideas.

Quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

Being honest does not make you right. I think this is correct but if you are living in accordance with what you honestly believe you are living with your own own values I think that is the best you can do. We can't be expected to do more. Obviously this doesn't excuse us from listening, observing & learning so our beliefs can change over time. Asylums were originally developed to provide a safe peaceful place for people with mental illness. The person developing was honest in his belief he was doing the right thing. People who put their loved one in these asylums believing they were doing the right things I think are innocent. On the other hand those continue to run asylums & allowing terrible abuse & mistreatment to take place are guilty. Those who sent family members into asylums just to get them away are also wrong.

I guess my point is we need to be honest based on our own beliefs to feel OK but we do need to be open to new ideas & info so our views can change as we learn more

[quirkywords]

hello all.

Thanks Elizabeth for clarifying a few points.

have a dilemma about honesty. I have a person I have been helping for about a year and being patient etc. Sometimes she jumps at me over something and I get upset but realise that is her personality. today she got mad that I did not read her email thoroughly, I still have a cold and seem to be not understanding things well. Anyway she said why would she bother to write to me if I dont read her emails. She knows I am not well.

So I started to get upset then I got mad. I have been supportive and understanding of her but she can't reciprocate. I want to be honest and tell her how frustrating it is when she acts like this but I suppose I am too weak.

Should I be honest or supportive? I know this is trivial but it is something where I never speak my mind and wonder if that is bad for my health.

Quirky

[Birdy77]

Dear Quirky,

I think you should be honest and tell her how her behaviour makes you feel. Especially you are sick and she should be more understanding, and less demanding. You can do this gently and just tell her your feelings.

If we accept crap from people, they'll keep dishing it out, thinking it's acceptable.

Enough is enough.

Time to look after Quirky.

🌻birdy

[quirkywords]

Birdy,

Thanks for your reply.

If I only I found it easy to do.

I am a classic people pleaser and I feel really bad if I tell people how I feel. I know she is fragile.

I am ok now, writing it down helped and she has moved on and forgotten about her outburst. I know people say things to me because they know I wont react.

I will think about what you said but not sure I can act on it.

uirky

[White_Rose]

Hello Quirky or should that be Uirky as in your sign off.

I may be wrong but I cannot remember anyone bringing up this point. OK we all have cultural background and family background which has taught us in our early life what is right and wrong. We grow up with 'knowing' we are right and anyone with a different opinion is wrong. As time goes on we do learn I am happy to say, that we are not automatically right and in general we adjust our mind set.

Some things remain absolute within us and how do we know what is actually true, a universal truth. I think in the main we know murder is not right but we move on to murky waters and shaky ground (just love metaphors) and wonder what is right and wrong about euthanasia. I don't want to start a discussion on this topic as it is not the central issue. Just an example.

What may be a universal truth to measure our often confused thinking against is, Will this harm someone? All the examples above talk about changing our ways of thinking and we start to accept another's truth because it appears better/more logical/easier/respectful and any other adjective you can think of.

What if we measure our thoughts and decisions against the potential or actual harm to others.

We see leaders of countries going to war for all sorts of reasons but this does not take into consideration the harm done to soldiers and their families. The harm done to the means of production i.e. farms and factories, or they dismissed as collateral damage. The leaders are prepared to put up with this yet they rarely suffer as much as their people. Their justification is usually that 'their' people are already being harmed either physically with weapons or lifestyle, not having enough to eat because it is too expensive. That's a huge topic.

Does it apply to smaller matters and is it more hurtful to press an opinion on someone who thinks differently or does a person have the right to be treated respectfully. What about your friend's outburst to you Quirky? Did it harm you? I think the answer is yes. And it was unjustified.

I know I appear to have gone off topic but these decisions are all about honesty and care for others. What's the point of being honest if we or others don't give a damn about others. Yes we ought to do the best we can but I believe that means thinking seriously about the outcome.

I hope that has opened a new window on the discussion.

Mary

[smallwolf]

Quirky,

Let me give you an example, and true story...

Two days ago I sent an email with an explanation of what was possible regarding a solution to a problem. Then yesterday I got a reply, that triggered me. My wife knew I wasn't right, and I told her I would send her an email. I was on way to Uni. Before class I had time to write an email to my wife and support person. The email explained the things I was doing and the effects it was having on me and suggestions of me quitting. My support person is someone high up in the company I work for. After class I spoke with my support person. In that call there was a suggestion I reply to the person that sent the email telling him what I thought. So I did. Later that night I got a reply back. He thanked me for letting him know and offered to help me if he could. Well I have asked him to help me in a couple of areas.

I think it is a lesson that sometimes good can come out of bad situation, and better to tell others the effects of their words. But the communication needs to be done in a mindful manner. And not arguing.

[Elizabeth CP]

I really liked your example Smallwolf. I remember a friend telling me how she found out that people were talking about something mean that she was reported as saying Rather than leaving things be she went straight to the person she was supposed to have talked meanly about & then apologised for the unintentional hurt caused but then explained what she had actually said & what she meant. Somehow the original message had been misunderstood & then passed on causing hurt but by my friend speaking up & explaining herself a friendship was saved. Communication done tactfully & with humility can really make a huge difference in righting a misunderstanding

[blondguy]

Hey Quirky

You have a great thread topic here. You mentioned that you know some people you know shouldnt be taking medication. If its okay can I ask how you formed that opinion? I am like you and have always disliked the thought about taking meds too as they seem to scare the hell out of so many people

You are spot on as usual that this is a complex issue that has many facets involved. I dont think you have strayed from your thread topic at all. This is directly related to our 'honesty' and how we face our mental illness

Great post Quirky

My kind thoughts

Paul

[quirkywords]

Hello all

Mary, thanks for your ell thought out discussion.

i like your questions will this harm someone?

That seems very straight forward and easy to answer. Someone may think calling someone a name based on their race will not harm them and is only a joke? People think they are just having fun when others see it as teasing. I think it is a great question but can only be answered subjectively.

Your words have given me lots to think about.

I am not sure about uirky, for some reason my ipad does not like the first initial and dropsit and if I am not careful I am uirky not Quirky!! Could be worse.

Smallwolf

What a great example and I am glad it worked out well. I find in emails it can be easy to misinterpret words and on posts here I have had my words misunderstood and I have misunderstood others.

I agree explainclearly and dont be aggressive or argue.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

Elizabeth, thanks for your post and your example of your friend. I agree communication done tactfully an with humility can clarify things.

Paul, Thanks for your post. Paul a misunderstanding,

I said there are people I know who think I should not be taking medication. I may have worded it so it was confusing.

When people find you I have been on same medication for over 20 years they become medical experts and tell me the damage it is doing etc.

I would never make a judgment on someone else's medication but people seem to think i dont need it. Of course I am well because I take it. I hope that clears it up andsorry to haveconfused you.

I hope that clears it up.

Quirky