What I've learned so far...

[RedCurrawong]

Hi everyone; first time poster, long time social "anxieter"

When I was 13 I suddenly realised that I didn't have many friends, and thus began my problems.

I began to worry, get depressed, and wonder what was wrong with me; leading to social anxiety/avoidance and low self esteem.

10 years have passed and I've tried many times to get rid of these psychological hindrances.

From self-help books and psychologists and much reflection, I have summarised my own kind of cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) "guidelines" which have helped me:

1. Be Honest: Set yourself free of trying to "please" everyone else and just be yourself. You don't need anyone's approval. Only if you be yourself, you can find people who you can truly be happy with.

2. Accept your negative thoughts: But move on. All your perceived inadequacies, all your negative thoughts, your fears, all your past mistakes. Ruminating over these will not fix or prevent anything. Instead, focus on the present and the now.

3. Be rational: Be fair. Acknowledge the positive points not just the negative; don't just see the glass as half empty. 99% of the time our absolute worst fears don't occur but yet each time we panic and worry over them way out of proportion.

4. De-awfulise: Realise that you are just one person, of over 7 billion in the world, of over trillions of planets in the universe. Anything bad that happens in your life should be seen as just that. A bad thing. We shouldn't feel as if it was the "worst thing in the world". Besides, most of the time we cope with bad situations with time.

5. Just do it: Most CBT programs will focus on behavioural experiments. That is because psychological strategies can only get you so far, you need to act if at all you want to make a change. If it feels uncomfortable then it is probably good for you. Challenge yourself, desensitize yourself, let go of safety behaviours (very important), and fake it before you make it.

Anyway just felt like I'd share what I've learned so far about coping with anxiety.
Hope you found it helpful in some way.
Feel free to add any other strategies, I'd be interested in hearing what has worked for other people.

Thank you for reading 😄

[blondguy]

Dear Red

A very warm Welcome to the BB Forums....

What an excellent post and thankyou! I think everything you have mentioned through your experience is invaluable to the forums!

I have just cut & pasted your entire post for my own reference. Even for people that dont post and just read your coping mechanisms they would benefit so very much. You have articulated so many great points/tips here I am lost for words...

Red....if you can stick around and help people it would be an asset to all involved including myself....I have had severe anxiety for 25 years and have recovered but your achievements are a true inspiration as I still have to give myself a 'tune up' and read exactly what you have taken the effort and strength to post.

If I can quote just one of your tips....I would appreciate it a great deal;

De-awfulise:
Realise that you are just one person, of over 7 billion in the world, of
over trillions of planets in the universe. Anything bad that happens in
your life should be seen as just that. A bad thing. We shouldn't feel
as if it was the "worst thing in the world". Besides, most of the time
we cope with bad situations with time.

What a breath of fresh air you bring to the BB Forums...I do hope you will be a part of our family...seriously 🙂

My Kindest Thoughts to you for posting Red..well done!!

Paul

[Guest_5218]

Hi Red. 

Firstly I'd like to welcome you to the BB Forums, and I join Paul in encouraging you to stay on.

Thankyou so much for taking the time and making the effort to post this valuable advice which everyone reading these threads can benefit from.  Its not just those of us who respond.  As you would know, there are many people out there who are reading information and advice on these Forums every day, but you just dont hear from them.  But they're there ................. and hopefully benefiting from your experience and advice that you have shared here with us all.

I cant add any additional strategies at this point, as I am still working on it.  But I will add them in future if I can come up with any.

Thankyou .......

Sherie xx

[Doolhof]

Hi Red,

Thanks for your post and the positive way you have expressed yourself.

In a way I suppose we can all think of different ways we try to help ourselves, it is just not always easy to put those ideas, strategies and thoughts into words.

Years ago I attended a mindfulness course. At the time I was working in child care and had access to catalogues with children's toys and teaching aids.

One of the activities we had to do was to write down or describe different activities/hobbies/crafts that might help us though our not so good times.

As I was finding it difficult to write my feelings and thoughts in to words, I took an old catalogue home and cut out pictures depicting all the things I thought might be helpful activities.

For those who have trouble with words, that is another way to show yourself there are different things you can do to enhance your life.

Thanks again for sharing.

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[RedCurrawong]

Wow I am truly humbled by kind responses.

 Thank you guys 🙂

 And of course blondguy feel free to quote anything you like, what I wrote is nothing original but I find it summarises a lot of the CBT approaches. And I agree, sometimes we need to "tune up" or refresh ourselves; especially when times get tough.

 Thanks again for all your responses I'm sure I'll be able to make a home out of this forum 😄

[Doolhof]

HI Red,

There are certainly many different options for keeping in touch with people on this forum.

You can have serious heart to heart discussions about mental illness, encouraging conversations mentioning ways to help and assist each other with encouragement, and then there are posts for pleasant conversation and games.

If you have a look around, I am sure you will find all kinds of interesting things to become involved in.

People here are very supportive.

Hopefully the information and ideas people read on this forum can be transferred into their every day lives as well.

Once again, welcome to the community!

Cheers form Mrs. Dools