What helps to keep well?

[PamelaR]

Hello everyone

Have been around the forums now for a couple of months. Posted a couple of threads under PTSD, but think it's time I move on to 'Staying Well'. In reality that is the reason I came to Beyond Blue Forums in the first place - to stay well. Not to dwell or mooch in the past.

Many of you will have read the factual information about my past. Something that is missing from my posts though is - how I really am. That's what I want this post to be. It has to be about things I'm finding out about 'who I am and how I keep well'.

I was so down, having retired last year, losing all sight of what I wanted to do, being physically incapacitated, thyroid medication not right and screaming inside. The psych who I'd just started seeing wanted me to look a my personality..... No you don't. That's not what I wanted. So I moved on to a new psychologist.

The new psychologist is drilling down. I have to take stock of myself, my feelings, my emotions and ultimately - who I am (so I need to look at what has formed by beliefs, behaviours and values).

Interestingly I'm still apprehensive about divulging me. You know why - because I was brought up to show no emotion, to not feel good about myself. And especially NEVER talk to others about yourself. That would be bragging or worse, getting too big for my boots.

ATM feeling very emotive. I want to scream, I want to reach out to you all out there and to hug you all.

Hugs were never something that happened in our household. I only learnt how to hug women in the 1990s when I worked with some wonderful group of women in the disability field. How good was that!! What had I'd been missing all those years - hugs from women. It learnt it was okay. Hugging men - of course that was always okay cos it's normal.

Me - my heart pounds at least an hour or two every day. I spend and hour or two settling those pounds. Why does it happen - every look, every word, every sound and every thought make me feel worthless.

I asked hubby today if he loved himself. He said well, yes a lot more that I did before. You know I did that. I thought him to love himself. But can I do that for me. I'm really trying.

Loving oneself - keeps you well. I'll get there. BB forums is helping me like you'd never believe.

Sending everyone who reads this all the hugs I can.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[greginmelbourne]

Hi Pamela and everyone,

Staying well is really hard some times, but I've found that keeping a happiness diary really works well for me. Every night, I write down 3 good things that happened to me that day, and that I'm grateful for. No matter how small or seemingly inconsequential the event; a smile from a stranger, a gust of wind that warmed your face, a compliment from someone, I write it down. Then, after a few weeks, I've got a little book of positivity and a gentle reminder of how good things are.

It helps me anyway, along with the general sharing and caring of my current life.

Good luck and hope it adds to the discussion.

G

[blondguy]

Hey PamelaR

• Daggy music....and heaps of it!! from the '80s and '70s
• My huge Chow/German Shep Cross...60 kilos of TLC
• Actually being proud of my achievements instead of my old 'low self worth' kicking in

Hope you are doing well PamelaR

Great thread too!

Paul

[PamelaR]

Hello everyone

My goodness, all the wonderful ideas for staying well - they abound.

Many thanks everyone. It's so good to see you digging deep.

Paul - the Simpsons they are so funny. I love music too, keeps my soul happy and care free. Also animals are very good. Your Chow/German Shepherd x sounds awesome. Huge!! Thank you for sharing Paul.

Tams - There seems to be a music theme going on here. Yes, music is so good. I'm in awe - you play soccer. Wow. That's a great game. You must be very fit, to help you work and look after the kids too. You do so well. Thank you too for sharing.

Chloe - Yes, friends do make you feel good. Especially when they're nice, like you! Flu shots, hmmm - I'm yet to be convinced. Thanks for sharing.

Grandy - Sorry to hear you have a cold.Though I do love the idea of chicken soup. Yes it is the best. I do that too - use all the bones with loads of garlic, onion and veggies. Very good. Hope you feel better soon. Thanks for sharing.

StartingNew - All good stuff. I can relate to all the following to make me feel good - HUGS, taking it easy, watching movies, staying in bed, long baths, avoiding stressors. Thank you for sharing Starting New.

Greg - Wonderful things. I too have kept a happiness diary, and written down 3 good things that happened during day.

Have a wonderful day everyone.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[startingnew]

HI all

Tams- music is a biggie for me too. ive always got my headphones in. whats sorts of music do you like?

Chloe- not a fan of needles at all! i think not thinking about them is a good way to keep well 😉

Greg- i havent heard of a happiness diary. ive got a gratitude journal though- would that be similar?

Paul- im not a huge fan of the simpsons but a tv show that helps me is the big bang theory. its one of my favourites and always a go to when im struggling even if i only need background noise. also i wanted to congratulate you on being able to acknowledge your achievements- most of us just shut them down so well done!

Pammy- seems like weve got a lot of things in common hey

shoutout to everyone here post posting and just reading along too

[Chloe_M]

Aww thank you Pammy! Your kind words mean a lot xx

How is everyone's day? How are you keeping well today?

Chloe

[Tams20]

Hi startingnew (and everyone else),

Yep, music is the best... I’m at work with the headphones in as we speak! I mainly gravitate to alternative, not a fan of mainstream music (although I have a few pop songs that I love). I used to play lead guitar in a rock band many moons ago, so I tend to like music with the traditional rock band instruments - guitar, bass, drums, maybe keys - but I’ll pretty much listen to anything. Love jazz too!

Music definitely helps me manage my moods 😊

Tams

[startingnew]

Hi Tams

oh that is interesting but whatever sort of music you like is ok with me 🙂

oh wow thats pretty cool about being in a band! my pop plays guitar but he is more into country music style things. i can play the keyboard but havent done since i left school.

[Guest8901]

Dear Pamela,

I have not seen you around now in quite a while, and am a bit worried about you. I actually replied to a post you made on my thread some four or five days ago, and mentioned that I had the impression you were struggling personally. And your apparent absence recently seems to support that theory, although I dont recall reading anything to that effect from you. Of course I could be wrong about that, unsurprisingly I'm often wrong. (:

I wasnt sure where best to send a quick post to you, but decided this is probably the most appropriate spot, and hopefully somewhere that you will read regularly when you do come to the forums.

I guess I just wanted to express my concern for you. And to let you know that I care a great deal about you. I really hope everything is okay. Never forget that, although a CC now, it does not mean you are exempt from having down times. Nor does it disqualify you from seeking personal support from the BB community as a whole. You have many people here who would gladly offer their care and support if given the opportunity.

Amanda

[PamelaR]

Hello everyone

Yes, all my staying well strategies are not completely working at the moment. Have had a recent bout of anxiety that's hard to shift. There are many things I think that's caused it. All to do with a crisis of confidence, starting with my brother who's in a nursing home. I feel like I'm a bit like my mother - hard. Poor bro, the nursing home recently renovated inside and out. They now have a bbq area. He has invited hubby and I for a couple of bbqs and insisted on buying the meat. I've been a little horried at the fat content of the meals and told him awhile ago we couldn't do it anymore because I didn't want to support his poor eating behaviours.

Anyway, haven't heard from him for a couple of weeks and nor could I get him through phonings. So we visited Sunday last week and nurse said he hasn't been out of bed for weeks. Basically he's anxious and depressed (from an incident involving another resident). We talked about his eating and she kind of said - it doesn't really matter what he eats. He may as well enjoy himself as he has little else in life. Wow, I feel so horrible. Because she is right. He's almost completely blind, losing his hearing (aids don't help - he hates them), osteomyelitis. I feel such a cow!!

That's just for starters. So how do I keep myself well when I have these thoughts rushing through my head? Bah.

Thank you everyone!! Your support is really appreciated - very much.

Amanda - I'll post something to you on your thread later today. I truly appreciate your thinking of me. You are lovely. My first thing to do now I've purged is start welcoming newbies.

Not keeping too well at present!! But absolutely getting there. I'm here again. So that's an obvious sign things are picking up.

xoxo

PamelaR

[Guest8901]

Its great to see you back again Pamela. Missed you.

Yes your poor brother, he certainly does have some issues to deal with by the sound of it. You reckon you might be a bit like your mother ... hard? Nothing wrong with being hard, at least not in my opinion. If its any consolation, your so called 'hardness' sounds to me more like honesty and a degree of frankness. All meant with the very best of intentions. But there comes a time where we should just leave them to it. Let them enjoy the little things they are still able to enjoy. For example your brother with his unhealthy eating habits and my husband and his excessive drinking. Hard to accept I know, because I know its doing them further harm, but who am I to deny my husband something he both needs (alcoholic) and enjoys?

So please dont consider yourself to be 'a cow', I know your comments to your brother were meant with all good intentions. Sometimes we just need to accept, and take a back seat to our own ideas of whats best for others.

As for visiting my thread later. Please dont worry, as I mentioned on my thread, I should be a low priority. Please make yourself #1, your family #2. Then if you have time, energy or desire remaining ... fulfil your CC commitments re newbies and staying well threads. I totally understand.

Yes what you say is true, the fact that you're back again is an indication that things are improving for you and that you are 'getting there'. Just take it easy and dont overcommit.

Amanda