Trying to acheive your goals and using positive self talk to stay on track

[Elizabeth CP]

I saw my psychologist this week after a break during which I spiraled down hill with the exercises given to me for exposure therapy for PTSD exacerbating this. As a result my psychologist suggested complete change of focus to more practical goals. Summer is difficult for me due to the heat, risk of bushfires, fear of sunburn etc so everything becomes too hard or too scarey so I avoid doing things & become depressed because I'm doing nothing worthwhile. 

I now have some things I need to do daily or weekly and I am doing better. If I get into a routine I do much better but my life over the last few years has been full of stresses and things going wrong so one of my biggest challenges in coping when things don't go to plan and I have to get back on track. The negative self talk re 'failure' makes things very difficult. 

My plan to help avoid this is to write down each day which goals have been achieved that day I'm hoping this will help me keep focused. I am also writing down what productive thing I have done today. This is to help me focus on the positive and allow me to write down things that I don't normally count but take up time so I can't do what I want or think I should have done. For example today I keep thinking I haven't done much but then I am reminding myself that I spent several hours driving to and from hospital to pick up my husband and then have organised things he needed once home. I normally don't count that type of thing as doing anything!!!

My question is has anyone else got ideas of what they do to keep motivated to achieve goals important for their mental health and particularly when plans have to be flexible to deal with circumstances. Also what do other people do to stop negative self talk destroy progress.

[Kazzl]

Hi Elizabeth, thank you for sharing this. I found it really helpful in itself, just to remind me that I do need to keep track of positive things and to see things I might otherwise see as negative in a positive light. For example, now I've read your post, I've stopped thinking I should have done more yesterday instead of resting all day. I needed the rest and today I feel much better for it, so what I did (ie sleeping all day) was actually good for me, not a waste of a day. Oh I like that way of thinking!! 

I can't share any tips really because I'm not good at positive self talk - something I need to work on. But I do try to see the positive side of a negative, when I remember.😊

Anyway - here's something you can put on your list of achievements today - 'helped a fellow traveller on BB think more positively'. Good job hun! Thanks!

Kaz

[Jacko777]

Hi Elizabeth CP,

I find it useful to make a daily list. Every now and then i will look over my life goals, incorporating all the important parts of my life like my family, friends, health, career, travel, nature etc, then I can make long term goals in each area. I bring them back to short term goals, the things I can do today, put them on a list. It's okay to try and bite off more than I can chew, things that don't get done can go on tomorrows list. So pretty much like what you are doing. Some times doing nothing can be on the list!

I guess the more we can reject negative thoughts the less they will come. Meditation has helped me a lot to be able to focus, on the positive and off the negative. It has helped me in my recovery to have the realisation of where my negative self talk is coming from...which part of me is thinking this way and why, it came from years of allowing my negative attitude to fester. It took a while to get to that negative point and it can take a while to get back to positivity but it can be done and it's very worthwhile, just being aware that I am being negative is the start of being positive.

I can have a bit of a laugh at my self now, negativity comes from old parts of me that are on the way out. I try to be an observer of my self and have compassion for my negative reactions.

Jack

[Scotchfinger]

Elizabeth

I too struggle with negative voices/thoughts. Idea to deal with them?

-write them all down on paper , leave a space and challenge them later with a different coloured pen.

"I'm overweight and useless."

Yes you are overweight, how can you lose a kg or two this month? You looked pretty useful on the guitar last night though. Do you define yourself totally by your usefulness to society? Just like doing your own CBT.

[Elizabeth CP]

Thank you Kazzi, Scotch and Jack,

Kazzi I am glad my comments helped you. Like you I often beat myself up for not achieving enough. resting/sleeping is a big issue for me. I either push myself too much which means I am exhausted or I rest and then feel guilty for not doing enough so don't relax properly. This is why I am trying to improve my self talk. Jack I also like to write lists with my goals including the different parts of my life. Some of my goals for this year I have written down so I don't forget it but have decided some goals I'm leaving till later when I can cope better and have better chance of success. You mentioned being OK with biting off more than you can chew but at the moment I am trying to set myself up for success. I have had a year and half of stresses and setbacks. Even planning a holiday is now stressful and I worry about it going wrong as we have had 6 attempts at holidays in a row go wrong either being cancelled due to injury or ill health of myself or husband or going but not being able to do what we want due to injury or health problems. i'm attempting to plan things such as proijects round the house so I can do it in sections and feel like I have succeeded and then do the next bit when able rather than getting stuck half way and living in a mess with constant reminders of the failure. 

 Tomorrow I am going to clear out my bedroom and then paint the walls & ceiling. Later on I will rip up the carpet and tackle the floor and skirting boards. I would normally try to do it all together but I realise I cant guarantee long enough time to do it before something goes wrong or gets in the way. That is actually a positive comment because it means I am accepting the reality of my situation rather than fighting it and falling in a heap when it goes wrong. (Over the last 18 months My husband hasn't gone more than 2 months without getting seriously ill. He came out of hospital yesterday after 2 weeks of being extremely ill. He is scheduled for further surgery in 2 weeks). 

Scotchfinger I think the idea of writing down negative thoughts and later challenging them - accepting the valid part and providing evidence against the incorrect part.