Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

[white knight]

How often have we felt those triggers snap us into depression? Down we go. A workplace bully only has to smirk at us. A bit of sad news. A red letter from a bill we've missed. A piece of gossip about us that reaches our ears. For many of us our trigger is unavoidable and I don't think there is much we guilt ridden over sensitive types can do about it. There are some things that medication cant control and psychiatrist session cant solve except a mental bandaid that might make us feel better until the next trigger. So if triggers that cause our emotional drop cant be stopped or lessened what can we do about them? Is there a counter measure? If the negative trigger is on one side of a weighing scale what can we put on the other side to at least try to give a balance?

Well in my view its not unlike positive motivation but in a different sense. What I've tried to do, and in most cases succeeded, is to lock onto quotes. My daughter has anxiety and it peaked last year. She attended a psychologist for one session only, she believed she would need many sessions and extended visits. after her session she rang me and told me she wouldn't be attending anymore. She said that the professional told her that her reactions about elements of her childhood were typical reactions for a child in her circumstance. That at 12yo to leave her mothers home and live with her father (me) and for her mother to disown her for such a move was bound to create many mixed and hurtful feelings. She told me she felt that his comment triggered her in a way that she found the answer to the whole problem. "I'm right now dad" she said.

Similar things have occurred to me over the decades. Once I fought corruption on a small scale at a local council. I was one of their employees. It confused me. I asked my doctor why the mayor acted the way he has, grandstanding and manipulating the facts - "power Tony, its a lust for power". That was the positive trigger I needed. There was no other need to delve into the smaller details. "Power" covered it all.

Reading through some of the threads here has found many more. Posters quote other posters because they "hit the nail on the head" as they say.

Can you, the one that falls mentally down the well of despair, use positive quotes, phrases from others to build a stairway back up?

We have a "quotes" thread here to. Ones that I have found so helpful from the likes of Churchill, Ghandi and so on

Try to focus on these. It might help.

Tony WK

[josh1245]

hi all when I was younger I grow up with an abusive father and some of the triggers that made me said was watching a movie with a dad and the son spending time together doing whatever having a good time and that never happened with me and it would make me sad or anxious.

[white knight]

Hi Josh

Unfortunately Hollywood paints a perfect picture of family that reality can never compete with.

TonyWK

[white knight]

Hi

I've been studying myself. In particular my automatic negative reactions when being told what to do by my dear wife.

Yes I'm a HSP, Highly Sensitive Person, but I really think that that and this trigger is separate issues.

With being told what to do, I know that my reactions of objection is directly related to my mo fathers treatment of my siblings and I as children.

Triggers, I wonder how many of them is due to childhood treatment?. How many to accidents adults? Etc.

Triggers, I find it impossible to change my immediate responses to common everyday communications. What I've discovered is quite a revelation- after several discussions we decided for me to not try to squash my reactions (and her not to try to be more subtle) but instead, as soon as we realise that the trigger has occurred we- hug each other.

Hoping a simple answer works long term

TonyWK

[ecomama]

Hi Tony WK

Great insight you shared.

I have the same problem with my BF but being in an LDR means we can't hug when we trigger each other.... but we're understanding the triggers more and more, so that's good.

My BF is a very rational person but when he's triggered he's not!

It's also a man / woman thing.

When he knows I'm upset about something, he rushes in and tries to tell me how to think about the issue, what to do about it etc.
He just wants to stop my pain.
It comes across to me as he thinks I'm an idiot lol. Which he doesn't but it feels like it to me.

He's triggered by my rejection of "his way".

I just want him to comfort me which he always does, then he does the fixit thing ugh.

The whole LDR thing is also triggering for both of us. We can't plan anything bec our International borders are closed but both want to. So any mention of the future can trigger either of us.

But the sparkles are getting sweet texts.
Hearing his beautiful smooth voice over the phone.
Hearing that he loves me regardless of what we're going through.

EM

[white knight]

Hi Ecomama

I relate well to your Mr fix it.

I think that mentality is a strong indicator of deep care.

Indeed the extreme case of the Mr/Mrs/Mr fixit is the "whiteknight" syndrome. A therapist told me that in 1987 and said "Tony, when are you going to stop saving the world". We here I am 33 years later still trying lol.

So your BF would find it difficult to swim against the tide of his fixit nature and just hug and listen.

TonyWK

[ecomama]

Oh that's such a beautiful way of putting it Tony WK..... "strong indicator of deep care".

Sometimes an outsider's perspective makes it feel better lol, esp from a person who's experienced it.

We are both passionate, fiery, strong personalities but he's the stubborn one! lol... that's my take on it lol.

He uses the terms "win" and "lose" in the sense of arguments and I don't see it that way at all... we both lose if we lose our tempers.

We both win if we can talk kindly and compassionately over difficult issues.

We have many obstacles to work out (Visas, pre-nups etc)... but we have time to do that now.
They're huge headaches tbh and things we've not had to deal with in previous relationships.

We had an awful argument on the weekend but we were able to hash it out the next day.
We're getting better at making up and talking nicely the next day - thank goodness!

I told him today that I don't want him to change, I love him just the way he is.
He's a very beautiful man. I'm so fortunate to have met him.

EMxxxx

[quirkywords]

Hello everyoneWhat I find hard is in relationships when I am not sure what triggered an emotion.

i also find if partner does or says something that a previous partner says I can over react but at least I am aware.

Tony and EM thanks for sharing your thoughts . EM was your BF stranded overseas due to virus or living there. It must be ver hard.

I had LDR when I was younger with a sailor until I found out a girl in every port was not a cliche!!!

[Guest_1643]

hi Quirky -
I know what you mean - triggers can be so small and imperceptible - and then BHAM - big reaction.

Sorry I'm not always up to date with the latest language etc but what do you mean that your partner has told you that you overreact? I agree awareness is good sometimes I seem to experience that with text messages. There will be two bits of information in the text from someone - and I'll focus in on one and freak out - not really seeing the other piece of information which provides more context and takes off the sting.
Sometimes I am more sensitive to negative statements and ignore/overlook the positive statements as if they're not there.

[white knight]

Hi all,

In terms of efusing arguments in relationships some of you might not be aware if the following thread-

Relationship strife?- the peace pipe

Place it in search.

TonyWK

[white knight]

Cont

EM , sounds like you have direction, that's good.

All these important side issues -prenup, etc are one off stresses, once done the subject is buried. It's all setting up the foundations.

Compatibility in everyday living is the best gauge of how your relationship will survive. He sounds nice

TonyWK